June 13 2015

June 13 2015 Greetings My Friend Each day I make a few decisions. I decide to believe God once more. I decide to love Junior, my family and life. It is easy for me to fall into despair and one way I daily decide to enter into each day is to walk through my Facebook feed. For many years I started my day with the newspaper. I wanted to have an idea of what was happening in the world so I would be able to relate to those in my life and have some ability to reach out to them. When I married Junior he asked me to not read the paper due to a strike since he was in the union. I did not realize my addiction to reading the newspaper was in my life until I walked away from reading it. Slowly I found other routines such as writing Junior a letter each day before I left for work. He started work 3 hrs. before me so this was a way I could hug him when he came home each night. I began exercising, reading my Bible and journaling and slowly I was choosing to enter into my day with joy. Junior taught me that I did not need a lot of pretty words to pray but he taught me how to open my heart to God. God did not mind if I repeated myself, was unable to form my thoughts well I learned He wanted me to be as open and honest as I was able. He taught me to keep looking deeply into myself and slowly I was able to form my thoughts and then take them deeper with Him. One day I understood a love that was so deep and so wide and about as awesome as it gets. In this love I was learning to love others starting with Junior. I began to love my children on another level a healthier level. In this process I learned what Agape love was - seeking another person’s highest good and it felt right. Agape love teaches me to love not out of need but out of good. That means I don’t allow dysfunction to continue for the sake of needy love on my part. Sometimes that means I have to say “stop, no don’t do that and not today.” God kept pointing out areas that I put others before Him. He showed me my neediness and the more I understood He was going to be there through all the fires of life the safer I felt. At this point I see the “journey” again. I can’t change completely with one “Forgive me Lord for I have sinned and Jesus please be my Savior”. It is that daily decision to keep God focused and attempt to love the way God loves me. So that means I need to decide each day to love and let the hurts go. God takes my hurts from me and reminds me I don’t need to keep putting up that protective wall. He teaches me to go further and deeper and life is so sweet. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you Love Janet