June 11 2015

June 11 2015 Greetings My Friend I am learning another lesson in “Be still and know that I am God.” I am learning to not tell each feeling, each thought I have to others. I am learning to tell God first. At times in my life it was for my good that I told everything that was done to me but today in safety I don’t need to keep a running commentary of each detail of my life. My friend taught me how to listen to the inner voice and to use it for writing. My first attempts were to tell the story, the pain, the joy of my life. I was once more a victim. Through the years I have had less of a need to feel all the pain because I felt God’s love in a way I had never felt love before. God has taken me by the hand and showed me that some things are between Him and me. He will “hear” my struggle and teach me to deal with it. The more I see God working with me and teaching me to walk away I am learning to not “tell” so much. When I first started writing my blog I read each one to Junior for a few years. Today for the most part I just write. I pray first “Father help me to write Your words, not my words.” Many times I go to prayer mainly the supplications for those I know and those I love along with some I barely know. This seems to clear my mind and opens my spirit. At first I reported how many page likes I had received and I was in awe. The more confidence I gained that was not needed. I found times when I wanted someone to know that God had truly called me to this ministry and would tell them the number of people that were reading my blog. God would ask me often “Am I enough?” I would respond “Yes.” The lesson I was learning was it is not important how many, who reads but how I respond to God. That need for acceptance in this world keeps growing less and less. God loves me and somehow that is enough. God also gives me so much, Junior, my son is coming back to me, my niece fills the daughter roll and our fur children seem to give me a reason to stay connected in my day to day life. I often saw how rich Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were and thought “money” was an indication of God’s approval. It is not. It is those little gifts that mean so much more. The first thing I do in the morning is get on Facebook. I scroll through the news feed giggling with the silly posts, growing stronger in my faith with the faith based posts and sharing life with others. Sometimes I enter into pain, sorrow alongside of another and sometimes I am happy for the joy they are in. Then I discover that many are walking beside me as well. Today I discovered my fear of being abandoned is leaving me. Today I don’t have to announce each accomplishment, each fear to the world. That feels so awesomely safe. I am learning to share my journey but not out of a need to be loved but out of a desire to show Jesus’ love to a sinner like me and the hope He gives to me to all of us. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet