June 2 2015

June 2 2015 Greetings My Friend As I write I am spending time with a long time friend. We have been enjoying each others company for several days now and I appreciate the times we have had and will have even more so. After my divorce I had very few family and friends that still stayed in touch with me. Marilyn has stuck with me and allowed me to explore what went on in my life as a child and in my marriage. She was my sounding board and I am grateful that she did not get tired of hearing me ask questions and then ask again until it began to absorb into my being. Today we rarely talk about my past or her past. She also has shared her struggles with me through the years. We both had a crazy family life as children and we had struggles as adults we have worked through. Since my divorce and remarriage I have made new friends, healthier friends and they too have helped me a lot. My friend Debbie is helping me understand essential oils and she doesn’t seem to mind that I “hear from her” and then I relearn it again later from someone else. Being accepted and understood has been so helpful to me growing out of my dysfunctions. I have had to put words to the things I did not like. I learned to find what I did like. The more I learned to have likes I was able to let go of hurts, anger and resentment. Through the years I also accepted that those I loved and hurt had their own demons to deal with and they too were victims. When I can look at their struggles I find compassion in my heart. I am able to let go and to move on. This process has also taught me to seek healthier relationships. My counselor taught me that “healthy find healthy.” The more I absorbed this fact the more I attempted to be as healthy as I could be. It has paid off because overall I am in a healthy marriage, have healthy friends and I no longer enable as I once did. I enabled out of a false sense of love. Deep down I was needy so I would do whatever I could to “help” people even if it was not good for me or them. Part of my ministry for God is reaching back and befriending women who have walked down the road of life that I have. I for the most part don’t enable the person but in a roundabout way I am teaching them the skills I have learned. Some do use the skills I am able to teach. Some don’t and I am learning to not enable dysfunction. Sometimes they walk away. At one time I would have felt like a failure. Today I understand that the lessons I was able to teach are all they can receive at this point. I liken this to planting a seed. I may plant the seed, someone may come along and water the seed and eventually at the right time God will open their hearts to Him. Growing in God to me is all about learning to be in relationship. The stronger my relationship is with God the better I am able to learn how to be in relationship with those that are in my life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet