February 28 2015

February 28 2015 Greetings My Friend I am enjoying a cup of peppermint tea, caffeine free. It occurs to me that the essential oil helps with my breathing why not drink tea also? Along with the tea I vacuumed the three air filters we have, something I attempt to do once a week. It seems that I see a correlation in my faith journey and every day life. I attempt to focus on Jesus, the Bible and living what I learn and frequent conversations with God. I have a host of allergy issues, breathing due to COPD, food issues due to Chiari and GERDS and a hiatal hernia that requires me to consistently investigate ways to stay as comfortable as possible. I started this investigative journey when my son was young and had allergies, could barely see until he got glasses and had hearing problems until he had tubes inserted in his ears. My career at the bank also required me to have an investigative mind so in retirement I continue to puzzle out ways to be as healthy as I can, organize our home until it is “just right” and learn to be the wife Junior needs. These forays keep me on top of my mental abilities and I enjoy solving issues. I sense God has placed this desire in me and added writing to my gifts so that I can put to words what others may be trying to work out. I know I have great enjoyment sharing the things I learn including how God has directed my life. I had always wanted someone to teach me basic things and that was lacking in my childhood. My mother thought that we should automatically know to brush our teeth or bathe, make the bed and the like. I learned these things from other people throughout my life and now I want to share for someone who may be trying to figure it out. Being the oldest I also believe that we tend to drift toward this role as well.The more I see that I am made this way the more I am comfortable with the person I am. It took me a lifetime to reach this point but I am grateful to have learned the lesson and to be content in it. Part of my journey into learning requires me to stop and look back at where I once was and where I am today. That helps me a lot. When I do this I realize that I am not a victim any longer but a survivor. I see the woman who used to try to blend into the woodwork who is now out going, funny and sociable. When I first married Junior I clung to his side whenever we were out socially. I was afraid and he was my safety net. Today I am able to socialize on my own at gatherings without hanging close to Junior. As I study God’s Word I see a correlation with this remembering also. Over and over I see that the Israelites were told to remember the times God provided for them. They had a tendency to forget almost as soon as God did a miracle so He taught His people to remember. At one point I could recite injustices that were done to me going back not only years but decades. God slowly taught me to focus on Him and the importance to praise Him, thank Him, acknowledge Him and slowly I continue to learn to make God my all in all. The more I make Him my all in all the calmer I feel and freer I am. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 26 2015

February 26 2015 Greetings My Friend Junior has the bigger dogs piled in his lap and I have the littler dogs piled on mine. I am taking a break from housework and writing, then going to prayer. It works out rather nice. Over all I feel a lot less congested and at the same time I am winded rather easily so I revert back do a little, sit a little and the day progress’. My son called me on his lunch hour today. I’ve been divorced from his father for 18 years and we are finally working through the struggles of divorce. He was 19 when I divorced his Dad so along with finding his adult ways he has been settling years of anger he grew up with. Today he seems to understand that the marriage wasn’t good from the start. He understands I stayed for lots of reasons that made sense and lots of reason that did not. It was what it was and I can’t go back and fix it. He and his wife of 16 years just got divorced. He has been with her since he was 15 so the break up is hard at best. In this I sense he understands more fully my indecision. The thing I am learning is that we may have a lot of head knowledge but until the heart understands it is hard to make the changes in life that need to be made. I find myself asking the same questions about the dysfunction I grew up in. Why did Mom allow…. In the end the past can’t be changed and Mom was Mom and Dad was Dad. I was not able to ask the questions my son has asked me to my Mother, she wanted the door shut and refused to look back. She died and I never had that healing talk. I did with Dad and I am grateful for it. I am grateful that my son has attempted to keep in touch with me. I am grateful that going forward we can leave the past in the past. His sister refuses to talk to me. She won’t talk to her Dad either and now she is pulling away from her brother. It breaks my heart but at age 40 there isn’t much I can say or do anymore. My pain is now a dull ache. I have talked with God about all I can do and I’ve attempted it. Today I still send emails from time to time or a card. Hopefully one day she will forgive me, the past. I pray for her, my grand daughter and in my heart I am able to wait it out. I have love for her, I feel pain for her and I am living day to day life enjoying the new life I have been given, the 2nd chance at marriage to a man who cherishes me and respects me. This day has been a long journey. Once more I find that God has had me examine the past with a fine toothed comb. I understand more and accept I could not make changes until I faced the flaws I had. God has also taught me to look at my parent’s lives and in the process I am finding compassion for the struggles they themselves had in their lives. My faith teaches me we all are working things out and it is important to forgive ourselves as well as those that have hurt us. God has been my teacher in regards to forgiving. I could not have let go on my own. I first had the desire and then He showed me step by step to forgive and let go. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 24 2015

February 24 2015 Greetings My Friend My chest has been feeling congested and I remembered I did not put any essential oils out. They are out now and I am feeling less congested. These things truly help me and I am thankful to have learned about them. My ADHD is playing havoc with me today too. I have started to clean the kitchen several times now only to take something into another room and find myself cleaning something else. So goes my day. One of my devotionals that I read today deals with the tongue being the hardest to tame. Going from a doom and gloom person to a positive person has been a journey. Changing from my inside to outside has helped me to be more positive and less of a gossip. This brings me to “the renewing of your mind” thinking. Lately the more I struggle the more I have learned to find something positive about the struggle. I truly believe that in the struggle I meet my strength and God shows me what I have to look forward to. The more I conquer negative thinking the more positive my thoughts are which in turn comes out of my mouth in wholesome and positive words that build myself and others up. Recently I had bronchitis, something I am dealing with often these days. My self talk went to Scriptures that helped me to look forward to the day the bronchitis would be done with. I used to sink so low when I was sick many times throughout the year. This illness taught me to go with it and soon I will be on the mend again. Right now it would be easy to cave into “cabin fever” since we are getting cold and snow for days on end now. A few short years ago I would insist on a warm climate vacation during the winter months to be able to cope with winter. As we deal with days where it is best to not go anywhere right now I am looking forward to doing some extra deep cleaning. The house will shine a bit more and then I will sit near the fire feeling its warmth. I know if the power goes out we have back up resources to help us through the trials. When the weather breaks I will run errands and enjoy being out and about so for now I enjoy Junior our fur children and a warm fire. I have soup in the crock pot and life is great. It seems that taming the tongue takes place when we have heart adjustments. Bible reading, encouraging others helps me to encourage myself. Prayer teaches me to thank God for all things and slowly I find myself a very grateful woman even in the health issues of my life. Right in the mix of all of this positiveness is having a forgiving heart. We can lament that “it isn’t fair” all we want but until we can let go and let God we are burdened with heavy loads of anger and resentment. God doesn’t say forgive and go back to the hurt. He says forgive so my goal is to forgive and when I struggle to forgive I ask God to help me with this endeavor. He does. Soon I find that the hurt does not own me anymore. My goal is to have a consistent heart that seeks God’s goodness and then to pass along the things I have learned. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 21 2015

February 21 2015 Greetings My Friend Learning to pray was a difficult journey. A counselor taught me the ACTSS prayer format and that format opened the door to having conversations with God. I even wrote of my journey in a book called “On the Way to Wholeness by Way of ACTSS” found on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com. A-accolades, C-confession, T-thanksgiving, S-service, S-supplication. The more I read my Bible, walk in faith I see that these steps are an important part of learning to walk with Jesus. The more I train my mind to think on God and His Holiness the more I see that these steps help me to walk away from dysfunction. I find that as I write my blog and my Facebook page “Letters From Janet” I come back to these steps to living my life. At first I questioned “why?” Today I just do it and know that in just doing it I find answers to life’s questions and struggles. In the 10 commandments God states there is only One God and we shall have no other God before Him. I used to think “great, we don’t literally worship stone god’s and set up altars anymore. As I began my journey I saw today’s equivalent to “other god’s” in money, possessions and the like. Learning to acknowledge God and His greatness helps me to stay centered on God only. Part of my prayer is “Father God You are the only God, the Bible teaches me.” Next I found at the start of my journey that some groups would say “We worship the same God” and I would be confused. Both groups had Abraham as their father and God did appear to Abraham and well the confusion was big. God taught me though one year as I kept reading the Bible and seeing repeated over and over that “I am the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” God doesn’t say this once but many times. The more I read this I understood that God was teaching me the Bible and the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob was where I needed to focus my faith. Confession, I hear this a lot as I read both the OT and the NT. God wants us to confess for our own good. He does not want to beat us up with our faults. I learned to “name” my sin, pride, lust whatever and in naming it I was able to see the problem. As I was able to see the problem God started showing me ways to walk away from the sin. Thanksgiving is also in the Bible a whole lot. In learning to be thankful I have learned how much I truly have. I started to loose the “sin of comparison” and be grateful for what I truly had. I learned the difference between a want and a need. God gives us what we need. I found contentment with the way I was, what I had, who liked me etc. Service teaches me to serve God. I used to enter into all kinds of serving activities only to find myself exhausted. Today I ask God to show me where He wants me to serve and my service is more focused and the results are much better. It isn’t about how much I do but how well I give my heart to the service. Supplication, teaches me to look outside of myself and to seek God’s help in another person’s life. Agape love is when you are seeking another person’s highest good. This teaches me to quit being an enabler, a taker and to seek each person’s best. First I find my identity in Christ which means I am not seeking love for love’s sake but a person’s good. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 19 2015

February 19 2015 Greetings My Friend For the longest time I got that I may be the only Bible that a nonbeliever may have to meet Jesus. I feel it is very important to read my Bible so that I know God’s Word in my heart and the more I walk with God the more I sense Jesus in my actions. As I was writing my Letters From Janet Facebook page I was talking about how a woman was created from man’s rib to be beside him not under him. I mentioned how Junior has taught me that I am valuable and have worth by the way he treats me and I feel like I stand beside him. This type of relationship is fairly new to me. Junior strives to live what he learns in his walk with Jesus and I benefit from this walk. I kept pondering this thought after I finished writing and I saw that Junior lives the Bible the best he can and in his living the Bible my faith has grown deeper. I had never fully read the Bible before I met Junior and he kept pointing me to just that. I have and I am learning and growing. I also find even today I still find seeing the Bible/Jesus in Junior and this teaches me deeper lessons also. Sometimes I get stuck on something I am reading and don’t understand. I pray before I read for God’s guidance on my heart and He answers me with a whisper on my heart and sometimes I find I ask a question of another believer who shares their thoughts. God teaches me through others often. My thoughts turn toward “we must live the Bible for ourselves as much as for other believers and for unbelievers. God seeks my highest good and I am striving to seek the highest good of all I am in relationship with. The nugget I am taking from this is throughout the Bible. I hear God wanting us to live the way He created us to be and He is. We are to care deeply. We are to encourage not enable people into dysfunction. If I am doing this then I am learning to be the Bible for whomever I encounter even for “me.” The more I read the more I understand the devastating effects of sin on my life and I learn that God wants me to confess. Today I understand that we can’t begin to solve a problem unless we admit there is a problem. Only when we understand the way we are wired by our creator the more we understand how our lives should be lived. I find this to be true in my faith journey the more I ask God to show me how to live the more peace I have even in the struggles of life. God doesn’t take struggles away but He will be beside me and teach me and frankly I like this better than staying in my dysfunction. Reading the Bible, living the Bible grows an individual and an individual grows God’s kingdom. My God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 14 2015

February 17 2015 Greetings My Friend In this marriage God has taught me to look at what Junior does and in that I see a very caring man. My focus is no longer on how backwards it seems Junior does things the end result is something fantastic. I am an organizing freak and Junior is a person who works the best in the midst of clutter and chaos. Once more I see the journeys God has taken me on with hindsight and marvel at God’s all knowing ways. For six years Junior kept his need for collecting stuff under control then he retired and was lost and went back to his old collecting ways. I was horrified and in the end God showed me I would rather learn to live with Junior and his chaotic ways than in a perfectly organized manner. God took our lesson even further with 2 moves in 2 years. Today I organize as Junior builds. I have gotten our renovated cluttered home under control. Junior realizes my confusion in clutter and periodically cleans up his projects for me. He sees that due to balance issues I am stumbling more so he keeps walk areas clear of debris for me. Both Junior and I have learned to utilize each others talents and we’ve become an even better team. Junior respects my abilities and I respect his even if we are foreign in our approaches to life and each other. I have found that I prefer to sit in the TV room and do a lot of my writing, crafting and such so Junior has made my area more like an office and it is perfect. In my first marriage as I did the look back I saw how I lost respect for my husband and as I lost respect I found it hard to see any good in him. Somewhere deep in me I realized that I needed to focus on the good qualities in my husband and not focus on their less desirable qualities. I could not do this on my own so God has taken me on a journey of keeping focused on Junior’s good qualities. At first I left Junior a note each work day telling him what I admired about him. He loved it and through this I learned that we all have our unique ways of doing things. When Junior retired I was still working so he took care of the day to day things I used to take care of. Right away I learned that what I felt was picked up was not what Junior felt picked up looked like. I admit that many nights I was so discouraged I could spit nails but I took my frustration to God instead of to Junior. God soon helped me to accept his way of doing things and our house was clean underneath his clutter. When I did not fuss at Junior he began to meet my need. I had to relearn this lesson as Junior renovated our home. Sometimes Junior does not see that I struggle with clutter and my balance struggles so I’ve learned to tell Junior in a gentle way. Junior complies and removes the clutter. Right now I am asking Junior to have the back deck cleaned up for this spring and summer. Junior is working at removing all the things he stored there so I will have a work area outside. He knows I am itching to decorate both the back deck and the wrap around porch so he is cleaning that up. We are discussing how we want these areas to look. As our home has come together I marvel at Junior’s talents. He is appreciating my “home making” abilities more these days. He lets me know how much he appreciates what i do to make life comfortable for him. This journey of learning to appreciate my husband’s talents is continuing on and in it I am ever grateful to God for such a good man. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 14 2015

February 15 2015 Greetings My Friend I am learning a new way to write, on a tablet and so far I'm moving along okay. I am switching from a laptop to a tablet which means the keyboard is smaller. At first I hunted and pecked, today I am typing the way I was taught years ago in typing class. I find that I am still learning new things which is surprising but good. For some reason God is using me in social media which means I have to learn new to me skills often. I have to think outside the box at times and I am not able to get too comfortable with "it has always been done this way" thinking. Right now I almost understand part of God having us move 2 times in 2 years. These moves have made me rethink how I do most things and along with learning to operate within my disabilities. All of this requires me to learn new things so being in social media I am now more comfortable with the ever changing climate. I love when I overcame an obstacle and I am able to grow some more. This learning and my new found ways of working the routines of my life out is making life very interesting to me. I was afraid of being bored and not useful in my older years. God keeps showing me that there is much I can do and will do in life and for that I am grateful. I also learn to keep relying on God and allowing Him to shape my identity. As I allow God to shape me I keep finding peace and contentment. As a young wife and mother I wanted more than anything to stay home with the children until they were older and then I wanted to work part time. In the 1970's women were looked down on if they did not work and raise a family. I gave in and went to work. I don't regret working for the most part but I found it so hard to divide my attention in so many ways. Today I am home with Junior and I love keeping our home clean and making him meals. He does breakfast on his own but we have 2 home cooked meals each day. God has allowed me to be a homemaker at this time in my life and I am so thankful. By entering into the workforce I was able to live a fairly comfortable life when I was divorced. I was also able to put money aside for retirement so I believe God knew my needs a long time before I did. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you.] Love Janet

February 12 2015

February 12 2015 Greetings My Friend Today seems to be a good day for me to stay inside hunkered down enjoying the warmth in our home and avoiding the snow and cold. My bird friends are at the suet feeders. I’ve come to love these suet feeders. When I put seed out birds eat it in a manner of minutes and then are gone. The suet takes longer for them to get rid of and I see more of them. I have slowly worked myself into a state of panic. Friday I got a call from my doctor’s office and my test results show some sort of problem from the barium swallow test I had done. Since my gallbladder and appendix are gone I could not fathom what the problem could be. I asked and the guestimate is Barrett's Esophagus. A search on the internet reveals that my esophagus could be eroding and possibly lead to cancer. I want to panic and I keep asking God to help me wait and see what the specialist has to say. I know that I can conjure up all kinds of problems that are far from what is the real problem so it is best to let it all go and move through this waiting period without a lot of thinking on the problem. I am finally going to know why I am bringing up even water and at times swallowing food is difficult. I tell myself that the problem is fixable and I ask God to help me remain calm and to understand He is there beside me. I also tell myself that I had this procedure done in the last year or two so whatever problem is there is relatively new and hopefully is caught early. Now I focus on doing my housework, writing, loving Junior and giving my fear to God. I begin by seeing how blessed I am, there is that learning to be thankful again. In it I will see how rich and full my life really is. I also conjure up other times God has walked me through the fire of fear and brought me safely to the other side. In this I know that I will be able to deal with whatever comes my way and not fall totally apart. Junior will walk alongside of me as well. My friends at church will pray for me and in all of this I find my fear subsiding and entering into the wait and see attitude. I am glad I researched this guesstimate on line. I also am planning on leaving the thoughts of doom and gloom at the door of our house. As I recall staying current with my checkups and visits with my doctor I settle down some more. It was a checkup that found my cancer 10 years ago. My cancer was caught real early and all I needed was radiation. It beat me up but I have been able to recover and go onto living a full and rich life. As I allow my thoughts to move from fear of the unknown to remembering God’s provision in the past I know that He will provide now for whatever I have to face. Once more I stop to look at my bird friends and I see a bright red cardinal feeding outside. His deep redness is amazing. I begin to think on the work I’d like to accomplish today and in short order I will get up and enter into doing housework with joy and gladness. I remember that I am down another 5 lbs and I am exercising alongside of doing housework. I feel muscle tone I haven’t felt in years and I am content that I have worked so hard at eating right and exercising. Into God’s capable hands I am placing my fear and anxiety. I will work at leaving them there and enjoy myself for now. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 10 2015

February 10 2015 Greetings My Friend Today’s Bible reading taught me once more that Jesus came to serve and not to be served. This is a powerful message for me and I also have to change some of my thinking. I have a servant’s mindset quite a bit in my life only I allowed people to take advantage of me more than being a servant. I was in need of love and to get it I would allow many unwholesome things to enter into my life. Part of my growing into servanthood is learning the word “no” for someone’s good. Being a “yes” person just to be liked is harmful to both myself and the other person. I use Agape love as my guiding principle to servanthood. Agape love is seeking another person’s highest good so I need to think about why I am doing for another person. The Bible shows me this lesson in the OT. God frees the Israelis’ and does one miracle after another. The Israelis’ are in awe of God’s amazing feats then they forget about His ability to provide almost immediately. He tells them time and again what they need to do, trust and obey but they soon are off on their own agenda again. At times God’s people are sent correction in the form of famine, slavery and the like. The people learn and grow only to fall again in short order. God gave Israel manna in the desert, water out of a rock and then God said “go and do” and the people forgot that God could make happen what He was asking them to do. God served the people, the people took God for granted at some point God sent punishment until they got the point. Jesus came to serve and not to be served reminds me He too taught, showed and people forgot almost immediately. Today I see times where God is correcting me sometimes in the wilderness of life. As I grow God takes me from the wilderness into His presence deeper. I learn that God corrects those that He loves. If we have a heart to grow and learn God will correct us for our good. Serving is often about correcting as much as giving. Junior has told me often that as the leader of our home, he is a servant first. He seeks my highest good first and foremost. In the seeking my best he is serving me. Once in a while he needs to tell me that something is not right, goes against God etc. He does it with gentleness and is firm as well. He does not go against his walk with God to correct me. Most of my life when I did something wrong, even the pets did something wrong there was a scolding and a pulling away not moving back to me. Through the years I watched Junior correct our puppies. He scolds them, sends them outside and when they come back in he loves on them. In this way the dogs begin to learn to quit pottying in the house. They want to make him happy. Sometimes I giggle at Junior’s correcting voice. He is firm but sometimes he growls at them in a gentle firm way. He doesn’t use every swear word in his vocabulary or throw them across the room, he taps at them with a rolled up magazine or with his hand gently as he says “no.” For me correction always meant severe consequences. I watch our dogs grow with Junior’s type of serving and loving and correcting. As I learn Junior’s way of serving I see God’s servanthood with new eyes. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 7 2015

February 7 2015 Greetings My Friend As Valentine’s Day draws closer I start to think about dating my spouse. I used to think that the only way to have a date was to go out to dinner and a movie. During the ensuing years I find that dating is what the couple enjoys the most. Once I let go of the stereotype I find that Junior and I date even at home. I have also found what I enjoy in my relationship and if it doesn’t match the world’s idea of romantic that is okay as well. I am not big on having Junior comb my hair, massage my feet or going to fancy restaurants. I do like one on one time often on a drive where we aren’t distracted as easily as we are at home. I love when Junior brings me flowers from the garden more than store bought flowers. Errand running days have turned into our special time together. Since our drive is about an hour to the stores and such we have a lot of time to talk and visit. At Lowe’s anymore I tend to walk the aisles getting in some exercise while Junior looks for things he needs. When I am patient with him he gets his man need filled and is grateful. He gives me “shopping” time at the girl type stores and I appreciate him letting me look at each item on a rack of clothes. I believe dating your spouse is important to keeping your marriage fresh and alive. I also believe we need to get away for a period of time, a day, weekend etc. I find this to be true even in retirement. We can get so caught up in our day to day work then find ourselves drifting apart so time away is good for us. Again it doesn’t need to be fancy just what the couple enjoys. For a while we were enjoying some sort of hikes. Sometimes we took trails and other times we took asphalt trails as we got less able to handle walking in the woods. Sometimes these hikes were on our trips away and other times we found places to hike around our home. Today due to my balance issues I walk the aisles of stores a lot. My exercise and shopping time are combined with time spent with Junior. The reaffirming of our love is so important. I need to mention all the good I see in Junior because for me it wouldn’t be hard to focus solely on his faults. At first I wrote Junior notes and left it for him on the kitchen table for when he got home from work. In retirement I don’t write the notes like I once did but I make myself find good things about Junior and tell him almost daily. I also like to post good things about Junior on Facebook again to keep my focus on his good qualities not his faults. This focusing on his good qualities seems to have the same response from Junior to me. He tells me often what I’ve done that pleases him, was a smart decision and the like. I call this our “out nicing each other” cycle. In the treating each other with love and respect it seems to beget more love and respect. At the heart of all of this is our faith journey with God. In Divorce recovery we learned that God should be first before our spouse. This was a strange concept to me at first but today I see how important it is. God teaches me to be what Junior needs not what I want to give him. Sometimes I hear God’s whisper on my heart to refrain from saying something or to point out Junior’s creativeness. When I do Junior beams. We rarely have tiffs anymore. They do come and when we struggle it is for a short time. For me I strive to take the struggle to God first. Most often God takes away the anger. Once in a while God leaves the irritation but gives me words that won’t hurt. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 5 2015

February 5 2015 Greetings My Friend I have a sadness in my heart today. As I got onto Facebook I saw that a good friend has passed. He was an older gentleman and it hurts. I also know he had a deep walk with the Lord so I am comforted as well. In the last week or so I have heard of another friends passing, this is getting to be something I/we face as we get older. Facing the fact that I too will die one day is sobering. The more I walk with God the less scary it seems. I also understand that the pain we feel the most is that we miss the ones that have gone on. Many times though knowing that they are no longer in pain makes it bearable and understandable but we miss them anyway. In the last few months I find my thoughts about eternity are changing. I used to think we live then we die and eternity starts at that point. I was afraid I’d be bored in heaven. I pictured myself sitting on a cloud playing a harp and that would be it. My first change in thinking came when I was wondering what eternity is and I asked God to give me some idea. He told me to look at Jesus after the resurrection. The more I did I saw Jesus walking, talking eating and drinking. I understand life in a body such as we have and Jesus’ body was like the body He had on earth. This comforted me greatly. The next lesson I learned was eternity starts the moment you accept Jesus in your heart. The more I pondered this the more I find I am walking in eternity right now. Prior to accepting Jesus fully in my heart life was so very hard for me. Most days were filled with emotional pain and thrown in with that was a lot of physical pain from abuse. Today in faith I find peace with my life, my past and my present. I have accepted the hurts of the past and gave them to God. Today I am content and at peace with my journey. I have health issues that I am handling without the despair of my past way of handling life. Right now I am struggling with regurgitation issues. It is not pleasant but I sense God pointing me to the answers through my doctor and showing me the times I have a tendency to do this. One such time is when I overeat. I don’t overeat a lot so there are other times as well. I want to panic but God quiets me when I start to think about the potential that my struggles could be life threatening. Overall I don’t think they are but my mind does conjure up such thoughts from time to time. God comforts me and I learn that what is, is. Allowing God to be in charge of my thoughts and actions is a journey on to itself. The more I am able to let go let God the more I find God watching out for my best. Remembering helps me to keep moving closer to God. In remembering I recall the times God has guided me, held me and in that I know I am wanted and loved. My friends wife hurts a whole lot right now so my prayers are for her as she faces life as a widow. My prayers are for the family too since Dad and Grandpa isn’t there anymore. In time the hole they feel right now won’t hurt so bad but now they hurt. My prayer is people know Jesus because He is the great healer and comforter. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 3 2015

February 3 2015 Greetings My Friend Right now I am absorbing the quiet of our home, the beauty of birds feeding on suet hanging from the porch and the warmth of a dog snuggled in my lap. I am a bit worn out from a barium swallow test done yesterday. I was not worked on for about 2 hrs. after my scheduled time to be worked on due to ER emergencies. The test itself was long since I had to have 4 views done and wait 15 minutes between each view. I was to fast the night before and by the time I walked out of the hospital it was 2:30 in the afternoon. We stopped and I ordered breakfast. As I ate I felt revived a bit. So today is a slow moving day and I am good with it. “In all things give thanks to the Lord.” To be honest yesterday was not a day I felt like being thankful or even patient and nice. I wanted my grumpy side to be allowed out and to voice my discontent. With God’s help though I maintained a pleasant demeanor. I was able to be silly to some extent. In my silliness I was able to let people know I was hungry. A technician walked by with a bag of Bugle chips and I asked her to share with me. In a silly voice she informed me she wasn’t big on sharing. She understood my discomfort and at the same time reminded me “no food” for the test. I am having trouble bringing up food still. The Zantac and Protonix both have settled my stomach down a whole lot but I still manage to bring up even water so my Doctor scheduled further testing. Today after the discomfort of yesterday I am waiting to see what if anything there is to help me with my struggle. I am grateful today. I am grateful for tests that help me to be on top of health issues. I am grateful that with these tests the likelihood of finding the problems earlier than later means there is a chance to fix the problem before it is out of hand. My breast cancer was found at a stage 0 so I am a believer in doing preventive screening. The screenings are unpleasant to say the least but it is worth the discomfort. Again I learn to be grateful for all things. When I was learning to be grateful I felt this meant only “happy” things like a raise, a kind word etc. I did not associate unpleasantness with being grateful. Today though I find there is gratefulness in the discomforts of life as well. In the struggles of life tends to be the major growth of life. When I do the look back at a struggle I am amazed at what I was able to endure, to learn and how this struggle has helped me grow. I also see that God has walked beside me and I am thankful to learn of God’s steadfastness. The confusion of two moves in two years has taught me to be more flexible, to redo routines in a new way. As health issues came along I found myself accepting the changes easier because of the moves. I struggled and at the same time I was able to be flexible. “In all things be grateful” grows deeper in my spirit and in my life. The lessons God gives us are never ending and I love the learning and growing. Thank you Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet