February 7 2015

February 7 2015 Greetings My Friend As Valentine’s Day draws closer I start to think about dating my spouse. I used to think that the only way to have a date was to go out to dinner and a movie. During the ensuing years I find that dating is what the couple enjoys the most. Once I let go of the stereotype I find that Junior and I date even at home. I have also found what I enjoy in my relationship and if it doesn’t match the world’s idea of romantic that is okay as well. I am not big on having Junior comb my hair, massage my feet or going to fancy restaurants. I do like one on one time often on a drive where we aren’t distracted as easily as we are at home. I love when Junior brings me flowers from the garden more than store bought flowers. Errand running days have turned into our special time together. Since our drive is about an hour to the stores and such we have a lot of time to talk and visit. At Lowe’s anymore I tend to walk the aisles getting in some exercise while Junior looks for things he needs. When I am patient with him he gets his man need filled and is grateful. He gives me “shopping” time at the girl type stores and I appreciate him letting me look at each item on a rack of clothes. I believe dating your spouse is important to keeping your marriage fresh and alive. I also believe we need to get away for a period of time, a day, weekend etc. I find this to be true even in retirement. We can get so caught up in our day to day work then find ourselves drifting apart so time away is good for us. Again it doesn’t need to be fancy just what the couple enjoys. For a while we were enjoying some sort of hikes. Sometimes we took trails and other times we took asphalt trails as we got less able to handle walking in the woods. Sometimes these hikes were on our trips away and other times we found places to hike around our home. Today due to my balance issues I walk the aisles of stores a lot. My exercise and shopping time are combined with time spent with Junior. The reaffirming of our love is so important. I need to mention all the good I see in Junior because for me it wouldn’t be hard to focus solely on his faults. At first I wrote Junior notes and left it for him on the kitchen table for when he got home from work. In retirement I don’t write the notes like I once did but I make myself find good things about Junior and tell him almost daily. I also like to post good things about Junior on Facebook again to keep my focus on his good qualities not his faults. This focusing on his good qualities seems to have the same response from Junior to me. He tells me often what I’ve done that pleases him, was a smart decision and the like. I call this our “out nicing each other” cycle. In the treating each other with love and respect it seems to beget more love and respect. At the heart of all of this is our faith journey with God. In Divorce recovery we learned that God should be first before our spouse. This was a strange concept to me at first but today I see how important it is. God teaches me to be what Junior needs not what I want to give him. Sometimes I hear God’s whisper on my heart to refrain from saying something or to point out Junior’s creativeness. When I do Junior beams. We rarely have tiffs anymore. They do come and when we struggle it is for a short time. For me I strive to take the struggle to God first. Most often God takes away the anger. Once in a while God leaves the irritation but gives me words that won’t hurt. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet