February 12 2015

February 12 2015 Greetings My Friend Today seems to be a good day for me to stay inside hunkered down enjoying the warmth in our home and avoiding the snow and cold. My bird friends are at the suet feeders. I’ve come to love these suet feeders. When I put seed out birds eat it in a manner of minutes and then are gone. The suet takes longer for them to get rid of and I see more of them. I have slowly worked myself into a state of panic. Friday I got a call from my doctor’s office and my test results show some sort of problem from the barium swallow test I had done. Since my gallbladder and appendix are gone I could not fathom what the problem could be. I asked and the guestimate is Barrett's Esophagus. A search on the internet reveals that my esophagus could be eroding and possibly lead to cancer. I want to panic and I keep asking God to help me wait and see what the specialist has to say. I know that I can conjure up all kinds of problems that are far from what is the real problem so it is best to let it all go and move through this waiting period without a lot of thinking on the problem. I am finally going to know why I am bringing up even water and at times swallowing food is difficult. I tell myself that the problem is fixable and I ask God to help me remain calm and to understand He is there beside me. I also tell myself that I had this procedure done in the last year or two so whatever problem is there is relatively new and hopefully is caught early. Now I focus on doing my housework, writing, loving Junior and giving my fear to God. I begin by seeing how blessed I am, there is that learning to be thankful again. In it I will see how rich and full my life really is. I also conjure up other times God has walked me through the fire of fear and brought me safely to the other side. In this I know that I will be able to deal with whatever comes my way and not fall totally apart. Junior will walk alongside of me as well. My friends at church will pray for me and in all of this I find my fear subsiding and entering into the wait and see attitude. I am glad I researched this guesstimate on line. I also am planning on leaving the thoughts of doom and gloom at the door of our house. As I recall staying current with my checkups and visits with my doctor I settle down some more. It was a checkup that found my cancer 10 years ago. My cancer was caught real early and all I needed was radiation. It beat me up but I have been able to recover and go onto living a full and rich life. As I allow my thoughts to move from fear of the unknown to remembering God’s provision in the past I know that He will provide now for whatever I have to face. Once more I stop to look at my bird friends and I see a bright red cardinal feeding outside. His deep redness is amazing. I begin to think on the work I’d like to accomplish today and in short order I will get up and enter into doing housework with joy and gladness. I remember that I am down another 5 lbs and I am exercising alongside of doing housework. I feel muscle tone I haven’t felt in years and I am content that I have worked so hard at eating right and exercising. Into God’s capable hands I am placing my fear and anxiety. I will work at leaving them there and enjoy myself for now. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet