September 27, 2012 Greetings My Friend, I have been to MI and talked to a Dr. about my lack of energy. He had put me on B vitamins. As we moved to VA and moved again I got away from taking my B vitamins. He told me to start taking them again and I have and I am seeing more of my energy level come back. B comes to stay at our house when we leave for our trips. She feeds the animals and medicates the cat that has seizures for us. She also has fun cleaning around our house. She cleans out the air filters and washes the windows. She doesn’t have to do these things but she has fun. As we have settled into our new home B has been here so much that this house is also hers. I love her making herself at home when she is here. B’s life has been not one of keeping a pretty home, having money to fuss with a house. She likes working on cars and playing around with mechanical type things more than fussing with a house. When B comes out I start telling her of the new things and telling her she needs to tell me how much she likes the new things that have been done. I tell her that is what we women do. She laughs at me and then tells me that she likes the improvements. B’s son J has not worked as of yet. He has helped Junior fix on our house and we pay him some money. B’s son has grown up in poverty. He was home schooled and he hasn’t mingled much with other kids or people. He is taking his GED classes and getting his driver’s license so he can get a job. I want to tell J about the fact that both Junior and I grew up poor. We know where he is at both financially and emotionally to some extent. Both Junior and I have overcome our days of poverty. We have lived the middle class life with the types of income we were able to make. I tell him on occasion that we overcame the days of poverty. We have had a financially secure adult life. Our goal is to step beside B and J and help them where we can. We don’t just hand them money we have them help us and we pay for their services. We pay B to watch our animals while we are gone. When Junior can afford to have J over he has him come by and help him with the renovating. J earns money and he is learning a few skills as well. J grew up with no dad in the home so Junior is showing J the things dad’s generally teach their young ones. Junior also fusses at J if he is taking too many smoke breaks. He is trying to teach J how to work. I love B so much. She and I are silly together. We laugh. B understands my lack of energy since she has none due to health issues. She often tells me to sit down when I have pushed myself too far. We enjoy running errands and going to the doctor appointments we have. Since I can’t drive due to my black outs B does the driving. Her car is not dependable so she drives our cars. B is so comfortable in our home and that makes me so happy. She sometimes will cook for us and.sometimes I cook. She has her things she enjoys doing, keeping the air purifiers filter clean, washing windows and she loves cooking. She loves teaching me how be a southern cook. I am thrilled she feels so comfortable in our home. Junior and I tend to let her do what she has a need or desire to do. The only thing we want is for her to watch our pets so anything extra is nice. I am grateful for an opportunity to help B and her son out where I can and as always we give money to them sparingly, we give them money for what services they give us. We have learned to not just hand people money. Most people don’t learn anything when you give them money. Frankly I have found that some poor people expect me to just hand them what they want and they don’t want to work for their money. I found that out with our old neighbors. The first thing they started off with when we met them is to ask for their child. He was always had something wrong and needed medication. We usually didn’t give them money but would buy the medicine, food or whatever. Junior rarely will give money out right. When he saw J he asked him to work with him and he would earn money. Now we could not afford the going rate but we paid him what we could afford and he agreed. In the process J learned how to do some electrical work, build things and his skill level is better at this point. B has become a very good friend to me. She helps me and I help her when and where I can. We run around together. We joke and we have a ton of fun. We both are helping the other one out where we can. She has been with me as I have struggled through depression. She helps me keep my house nice. I don’t expect her to but she likes putzing around my house and I enjoy the fruits of her labor. I love that we are able to help the other one out. As I continue to look at this relationship I realize that I may have started helping her out but in the process we have become good friends who are about as different as day and night and well we love and respect each other. My goal at this point in my life is to ask God where He wants me to be, who He wants me to be a friend to and attempt to be who God wants me to be. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

September 22, 2012 . Greetings My Friend, Last Friday was about the most perfect day as a retired woman. Well really we took off to Roanoke for an overnight earlier in the week and I discovered that even though we’ve been married 14 years we still need some time away from the routines in life. We had fun and enjoyed exploring a new to us city. Anyway, Friday I got up and Junior drove me to the church so I could help fold bulletins and straighten the pews. When I finished working at the church Junior and I found ourselves stopping at the yard sales that were open in the open lots around town. We found a real nice floor lamp and picked it up for next to nothing. That was fun. On the way home we thought we’d stop by Johnny’s and we visited him. He then told us about his daughter having some lawn mowers that her grandfather left behind and she wanted to get rid of them. We have a neighbor who fixes them and re-sells them so we went to check out the lawn mowers. It was so much fun. Oh yes we stopped at the DMV so I could get a new driver’s license since I’ve lost mine. After that we headed to Pizza Hut for lunch. Junior got his pizza fix and I got my pasta fix. When we finished with that we headed on home. At home we went for a walk. I do love my walks and out here I almost daily marvel at the beauty that surrounds us. Once we got home Junior began working on putting in a new front door. I now have a pretty kitchen door which is mostly window. The front door is mostly window that is fancy glass. This door has been a quicker process, Junior learned on the kitchen door. I am so happy that this project has gone easier for him. He bought the pre hung doors and that process was new to him. For me I cleaned the bathroom and that was about all I could get done. Some days are like that. I am learning to do what I can when I can and be content. The day though was about as perfect as it gets for me. We hung out with each other doing what we love. We also got to visit people we love. Yup it was about as wonderful as life gets for me. We also had time to work. Junior did not want to retire but since his back gave out on him he had to. With the renovating Junior feels like he has a job and is very content in that. For me I am grateful I am retired. I have friends who are worn out like I am and they have to work because they cannot retire right now. I am able to sit when I need to and I can work when I can. I love the finished projects as Junior completes various projects. From the day we found this house till now, I have felt a peace I have never known in a home. It fits us so nicely. It is who we are and I am amazed at God pointing the way to Virginia and then to this house. I also am amazed because the temperatures out here fit us so well. We are both extreme opposite in our weather tastes. He like the cold, I hate the cold. I like warmer weather and he hates it. I can’t do heat as well as when I was younger but it does not get overly hot out here. I even see Junior and I being in this house until we leave for heaven. Today I’ve had one of my stomach struggle days. I haven’t had one in a long time but today my stomach is on a roller coaster. With the aid of Prozac I acknowledge my discomfort. I watch DIY, journal and at present I am writing a blog. I really grow through my struggles if I can write what I am dealing with. I love journaling. I love writing my blogs. To me the blogs have become my part time job and I am so happy when I can write a page with my thoughts. Again with the aid of Prozac I don’t give myself the internal talks I did in the past. When I can accept that I am what I am that helps me so much. I begin to do things when I can and when I can’t I don’t. It is such a hard lesson for me to learn and finally I’ve got it. Throughout this process we are starting to see the fruit of Junior’s labors. I love our home, the work he has done for me. Each day I marvel that my man wants to do what he does just for me. I am learning in a very deep way that my husband truly loves me. I still struggle with the feeling if I am not what I once was that I’m then given up on. Nope, Junior lets me know that I am very important to him. I even sense that if I were to die he’d really truly miss me. Junior has learned to let go of relationships and I felt for the longest time that if I was not there he’d move on without much struggle. Nope, I am learning that he will miss me in deep ways. It feels good to know that I matter a bunch to my guy. I have also learned that if Junior were to go home to the Lord that God will hold me. I have been afraid of Junior passing on before me. I even pray that we can die with each other, or near the same time. I truly don’t like the thought of doing life alone anymore. If God takes Junior first though I have comfort to know that God will guide me. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine on you. Love Janet

September 19, 2012 Thoughts at large: Greetings My Friend, With the house looking like a home more and with retirement now 4 years old I am settling more and more into routines. That feels real nice since I am a person who thrives best with routines. I am feeling retired finally after all these years. I know two moves in two years and retirement itself have put me in a state of flux. Now though with us staying longer in our home I am feeling like I am finally adjusting to life in retirement. My medical issues are being looked at and that feels good. I will finally find out why I am stumbling and blacking out. It seems to me the longer I am using the CPAP machine I am not blacking out like I was. That is a good feeling and hopefully I will be able to drive again on my own. That would be nice. I do like heading off to town on my own from time to time. I do enjoy being home with Junior. That became important to me when we married, to be retired with him. My parents never got to be retired together in old age. Dad died at age 59 so Mom retired with no Dad. Mom only lasted a couple of years after retirement. I wanted desperately to be with Junior and he is 7 years older so we worked at retiring me early so we’d have some years together. I am grateful we are retired and I love being home with Junior. There were some adjustments for sure but we have come through the adjustment time well. I believe that the moves have helped since neither one of us was in a routine. That is one of the complaints I have heard from recently retired people. The one at home has routines and the newly retired often struggles. The other problem is when both retire at the same time. I believe the moves have helped us adapt to life in retirement. Junior retired 4 years before I did. His back gave out on him and he retired earlier than he wanted to. Out here with all the renovating to be done, Junior feels he has a full time job and most days he gets up and works on the house. He enjoys it and that makes me happy. For me I’d like to work and find I can’t anymore. The first several years my sleep was so messed up and I wound up trying to sleep throughout the day to get 8 hours in. Now though I tend to sleep at night. If I do wake up it is for a much shorter time frame. My Doctor knew that the CPAP machine would do the trick and it has. As my sleep settles down I am now moving into routines and that feels wonderful. I still have health issues though and I am not moving as well as I’d like to be. I am stumbling and I have been blacking out for some time now. When we have our errand days and run all day I am wore out for a day or two so I am working my way through all that tiredness. I am learning to do what I can when I can. Each time I do a little feels wonderful and gives me the encouragement to keep working at doing things. With the aid of Prozac I am not beating myself up internally because I can’t do what I want to do. That feels nice. I am a whole lot less critical of myself finally. Junior not telling me I am lazy also helps. As I sit in my comfy chair I look into the house and it feels so comfortable to me. I can see the day when all the renovating will be done and that feels real nice as well. Junior will have projects to work on for several years and I think that makes him real happy. We head to Michigan four times a year as well. We still go to the dentist in MI. Our Dentist spoils us and I tried a dentist out here when my crown fell out and well they did not do such a great job. I love our visits to MI. We see family and friends which feels nice. It breaks up our time at home nicely as well. For me as we take our walks and as I look at the wonderful scenery around our home and on our drives I find peace within me. It is a wonderful feeling and I marvel that God had us move here. The weather is ideal for the two of us. I hate cold and Junior hates the heat. The weather out here is perfect for both of us. We get some cold not as long and as hard as in MI that is nice. We are up on a mountain so our temps in the summer are cooler than down off the mountain and that works too. Throughout this process I have felt very close to God. God we felt directed us to move. We did. There were times I wondered why and I wasn’t real sure and at the same time I was excited. I had such a mix of emotions. As life continues to settle I feel we are where we need to be. I continue to marvel at the comfort level we have. Since my divorce I have developed a strong walk with the Lord. In that I find that our move is exactly what we needed. I am comfortable in our new state, our new home. I love the views that are now my every day. Each time I find myself in another moment of “now what” God has opened my eyes to the things I have needed to do. I have a great doctor who seems to “hear” me and she is directing me out of some of these struggles. It will be a process but we are on the way. God is good! May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

September 15, 2012 Greetings My Friend, It is Sunday afternoon and Junior is asleep in the chair next to me. I am contemplating turning on the TV. My thoughts turn to the Bible. I grew up in a church that believed the Bible was a handy tool written by man and therefore a lot of error is in it. When I first married Junior I asked a lot of questions. Junior’s standard answer was “What does the Bible say?” I got irritated with that answer and started reading the Bible. I had felt that I was not educated enough to understand the Bible. When I had finally read through the Bible the first time, I was amazed. I understood it. Junior taught me to pray before reading the Bible each time. I continue to do that. I ask God to open my eyes to the lessons He wants me to learn. God has blessed me and many days I find a nugget or two as I read. At my former church I was taught that Satan was not real. If I did not want to believe in him then that was ok. As I read the Bible especially when Jesus talked I found that Satan was indeed a part of the Bible. I asked my minister one time and I was told that it was a matter of interpretation. I was confused because Jesus said outright that Satan was real. How do you interpret that Satan is not real out of that? Jesus even told Peter one time “Get behind me Satan.” So I tend to believe the Bible as it is written. My fear is that I may interpret God right out of the Bible. I have had ministers tell me that we all are going to heaven. Again as I read the Bible I find that we have a choice. We can either accept Jesus as the only way to heaven or not. If we choose to not believe Jesus is the only way to heaven then we are headed to hell. Again I find that I tend to read the Bible with a sense that what it says is what is real. I learned one time a way to know what to believe in the Bible is that if a statement is in the Bible more than one time you know it is something you need to believe. I believe that man wrote the Bible sure enough but I also believe that God’s Word was written through the Holy Spirit. By that I mean that God made sure the Bible says what He wants it to say. As I have taken classes through the years I have learned that the Bible is 98% accurate to the original text. I have also learned that Shakespeare’s writings are not that accurate. At this point I tend to believe God wanted us to learn from the Bible and He has had His hand in the Bible so each generation can learn and grow in it. As I think on the age of the Bible written thousands of years ago I marvel. Each generation can read the Bible and grow in God’s ways. I find lessons consistently as I read the Bible. I sometimes can read a passage a couple of years in a row and find another lesson in the same passage. For me I find that I need to be upfront and honest with God. When I give God my true heart then God begins to impart the lessons I need to learn. Sometimes it hurts to admit my faults but God I have learned isn’t in the business of beating me up for the sake of beating me up. God wants my best and if I am honest then God leads me and helps me walk away from the junk that I have allowed into my life. Through the years I have learned about Agape love. That is seeking another’s highest good. I find that is how God treats me. He wants my best. When I learn to grow in that I find life to be amazing. I also find when I have walked through a huge struggle alongside of God I marvel at what I can face. I have always wanted to be a mother. I have had years when I have not been friends with my kids. It hurt me to no end but with God I found I could do life. I met people and God gave me wonderful friendships. When my child re-entered my life I found myself not to be angry, bitter or upset. I was able to pick up our friendship and go with it. Through the years God gave me the strength to carry on. God gave me the tenderness of heart to re-enter the relationship as well. I have no bitterness in me at this point. I am thankful for the years God worked on my attitude so when the right time came along, I could be a friend again. I also marvel that I don’t hate my ex. I really don’t. God has told me that He will deal with him. I have let go of bitterness. Now I lived with fear and finally with the aid of Prozac I am able to realize that this man can’t hurt me anymore in any way. So it took me a while to learn I can’t be hurt. I had to have the help of medication but God has given me what I need to be able to do life. I learned most of the lessons of life through reading the Bible and then I have developed a prayer life. I try to pray as I go to sleep and wake up through the night. This year I learned to pray in my comfy chair so I am adding to my prayer life now. As I look on FB I have a tendency to go to prayer for different requests I see. Yup I believe the Bible as it is written and I try desperately to not to interpret God out of the Bible. If I give God my true heart God will help me live the way He created me to be. I like that. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

September 12, 2012 Greetings My Friend, The house has order again and that feels wonderful. Junior is working at putting a new kitchen door in and it is taking him a long time to get it in. I marvel at my man. He doesn’t know what he is doing but he keeps working at it till it is done right and well. He will tear things out several times if need be until it is the way it should be. His back has been hurting big time from working on the carport roof. It has gotten too hot for him to be up there and sometimes he will work early in the morning or later in the evening when the temperatures have cooled down. He is short with me at times. He is still fairly easy to deal with and I appreciate that. For most of my life the men in my life have had bad tempers and anger is aroused as they cuss at whatever they are working on. Sometimes they start banging on things and of course the swearing seems to get stronger the more frustrated they become. There may have been moments if I was in the way I’d get slugged. That was how men worked in my life. Junior may get short. He may say a bad word or two. He never ever has tried to hit me. For the most part I know when to walk away and Junior prefers me to walk away. Once in a while we may exchange a sarcastic comment or two. I have learned to walk away and leave him alone. I even know to leave Junior alone as he works in general. His brain is trying to figure out the next step and my conversations tend to distract him from his thinking. As I sit in my comfy chair Junior will take breaks in his chair next to me. That is the time I need to connect with my man. I have learned to talk at that point. Sometimes I mention that I would like to take a walk and Junior will stop and take a walk with me when he finishes something he is working on. During our walk Junior will tell me about his project that he is working on. Sometimes we walk along in quietness. I will tell Junior the things I need to tell him at this time as well. I have learned to give the information when he is ready to hear it. Being married to Junior has been the biggest blessing. We are so compatible. It feels good. I understand when he is struggling. I have learned to be quiet and I know that we will be friends real quick. I appreciate not walking on egg shells all the time. I trust that Junior will not stay angry for long as well. I know somewhere deep inside of me that he loves me like he has never loved a woman before me. I am his special lady and that feels real nice. Being a loved wife feels wonderful. He sees that I have intelligence. Many times he lets me take the lead in an area of our life. That feels nice too. Junior is not afraid that I may know things he doesn’t. In fact he tends to appreciate it. I fill in the gaps of his knowledge and together we form a great team. Being a loved wife is about the most wonderful feeling in the world. Junior shows his love to me in many ways. Mostly I find Junior’s love as we go to sleep. He often talks in his sleep and tells me how much he loves me. He also reaches for me in his sleep and I love that as well. During the day Junior lets me give him love the way I give love. For me that is making him meals. I also am trying to keep the house picked up and he feels my love. We are friends and I love that beyond measure. As I have struggled with health issues Junior has made it clear he is going to be with me. That is a wonderful feeling. I don’t have to go through these trials on my own. I can be honest with my fears and he comforts me. Junior even gives his thoughts as I talk to the doctors. He listens to the doctor as well. I find that many times the second set of ears helps in doing what I am told to do. With all the new information it is easy to forget a step. With two of us hearing it helps me keep track of what I need to do. Junior is truly my best friend and that feels wonderful. I feel safe with Junior. I can be scared, excited or whatever and Junior accepts my feelings. Sometimes I learn from Junior as well. I learn how to handle my struggles because he listens and accepts my comments and then he helps me work out the situation. Prior to Junior I did not believe that a man and woman could truly be each other’s best friend. He is my best friend. I feel safe with Junior. I feel I can be myself with this man. He makes me feel beautiful all the time as well. I marvel when he is infatuated with my toes or nose or whatever. He truly thinks I am beautiful and it feels wonderful. I have learned that men do indeed get caught up with looks. Junior told me one time though that because of how I make him feel, he doesn’t want to be with the most beautiful woman. They can’t love him the way I love him and he doesn’t want to lose what I give him. I am more important than a quick romance. That feels wonderful as well. Knowing how important I am to him means the world to me. It makes me want to be true to him. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

September 8, 2012 Greetings My Friend, One of the joys I have is taking a walk down the country road. We have very little traffic and we are on 9 acres so we let the dogs walk along with us without a leash. The dogs think that is the most fun taking a walk down the road with us. They run ahead and smell everything. When we get to the place where we turn around we yell “home” and they turn around run fast until they are ahead of us again. It is funny. I like not worrying about them running along. Many days I find myself thanking God for all this. I am amazed at what we have been given. I never thought I would live in the country, have beautiful scenes surrounding me. I feel a peace with each walk and even in the house I find a comfort level I have never known. We felt God telling us to move and we did and well I am amazed. I love this new life, this new area beyond words. I marvel at God knowing what was best for us. I would have liked to be a snow bird. Junior hates the heat and here in Virginia we have the best of both worlds. Junior hates the heat about as much as I hate the cold and the snow. The weather out here for us is perfect. The winter temps are on average 40 degrees. Not bad at all. The weather stays warm well into November and it warms up by around February. I am good with that. This weather fits the two of us quite well. The house we have is the same way. I have wanted a one story home for years. We have that. Even the laundry is on the same floor. I have trees all around to look at, I love the sound of the birds as I sit on the porch and butterflies tend to flutter around everywhere. I have never known peace like I have out here. It is beautiful, quiet and serene. As I ponder all this I marvel that God seemed to know what my heart truly wanted and then God said “move” and again I am so grateful we listened. Have we had moments since moving? We sure have but in the end I know that I know we are where God led us. I know because of the peace I have being here. I love watching Junior fix on the house. At present he is building us a car port. That will be nice come winter and even this summer because we can get the vehicles out of the heat. I almost think that my fear of sitting on the porch after dark will subside with the carport hooked to the porch. I will have something between me and the dark. I tend to be overly cautious in the dark. The carport hooked right to the porch will give me a sense of protection. I hope soon we will get a fire pit and enjoy that in the evenings. Having a thankful heart has been a blessing. For most of my life I focused on what was not right in my life. The more I focus on what is right I find I have peace. I also see that God has been giving me gifts all along. I may not be rich or have the fanciest things but I have the things that touch me to the core. Junior loves me. He treats me like I am a precious gift. After feeling so unwanted for so long it is about one of the most precious feelings being wanted. I remember asking God if I should run off and marry this man. I felt a peace come over me and I did. Frankly our life together has been so good. Do we have moments where we don’t know how to deal with each other? Yes we do. Still I would rather be with Junior than without him. Junior lets me love him as well. I like watching after him in my girl kind of way. I like making him meals, making our bed, keeping up the house. Junior accepts these gifts that I give him. That feels wonderful. I don’t have to cook him 3 meals a day as well which I am not so good at. He accepts me the way I am and of course the more he accepts me the way I am the more I want to accept him the way he is. I almost feel foolish when I think on this. In a prayer after my divorce I asked God to be married again. I told God that the man did not have be rich but I asked that he pay his bills. He did not need to have a fancy career. As an afterthought I asked God to give me a man who took his faith seriously. I wanted to be in a healthy relationship. I wanted to be able to look up to the man I married. Again as I do the look back I find that God gave me the man I asked for. The best part is Junior takes his faith seriously. He treats me the way he thinks God wants him to treat me. The more Junior seeks my best the more I seek his best. To me life could not be sweeter. qhyqGod is always there, that has been an amazing lesson. I don’t feel alone anymore. God guides me and I find myself making better choices because I am hearing God’s direction. When I can truly open my heart to God and live the way I hear God teaching me, life is nice. God doesn’t take struggles away but He will walk through the struggle and that is wonderful. I am not alone which is something I hate to be alone. Have you begun your faith journey? Is it time? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

September 8, 2012 Greetings My Friend, One of the joys I have is taking a walk down the country road. We have very little traffic and we are on 9 acres so we let the dogs walk along with us without a leash. The dogs think that is the most fun taking a walk down the road with us. They run ahead and smell everything. When we get to the place where we turn around we yell “home” and they turn around run fast until they are ahead of us again. It is funny. I like not worrying about them running along. Many days I find myself thanking God for all this. I am amazed at what we have been given. I never thought I would live in the country, have beautiful scenes surrounding me. I feel a peace with each walk and even in the house I find a comfort level I have never known. We felt God telling us to move and we did and well I am amazed. I love this new life, this new area beyond words. I marvel at God knowing what was best for us. I would have liked to be a snow bird. Junior hates the heat and here in Virginia we have the best of both worlds. Junior hates the heat about as much as I hate the cold and the snow. The weather out here for us is perfect. The winter temps are on average 40 degrees. Not bad at all. The weather stays warm well into November and it warms up by around February. I am good with that. This weather fits the two of us quite well. The house we have is the same way. I have wanted a one story home for years. We have that. Even the laundry is on the same floor. I have trees all around to look at, I love the sound of the birds as I sit on the porch and butterflies tend to flutter around everywhere. I have never known peace like I have out here. It is beautiful, quiet and serene. As I ponder all this I marvel that God seemed to know what my heart truly wanted and then God said “move” and again I am so grateful we listened. Have we had moments since moving? We sure have but in the end I know that I know we are where God led us. I know because of the peace I have being here. I love watching Junior fix on the house. At present he is building us a car port. That will be nice come winter and even this summer because we can get the vehicles out of the heat. I almost think that my fear of sitting on the porch after dark will subside with the carport hooked to the porch. I will have something between me and the dark. I tend to be overly cautious in the dark. The carport hooked right to the porch will give me a sense of protection. I hope soon we will get a fire pit and enjoy that in the evenings. Having a thankful heart has been a blessing. For most of my life I focused on what was not right in my life. The more I focus on what is right I find I have peace. I also see that God has been giving me gifts all along. I may not be rich or have the fanciest things but I have the things that touch me to the core. Junior loves me. He treats me like I am a precious gift. After feeling so unwanted for so long it is about one of the most precious feelings being wanted. I remember asking God if I should run off and marry this man. I felt a peace come over me and I did. Frankly our life together has been so good. Do we have moments where we don’t know how to deal with each other? Yes we do. Still I would rather be with Junior than without him. Junior lets me love him as well. I like watching after him in my girl kind of way. I like making him meals, making our bed, keeping up the house. Junior accepts these gifts that I give him. That feels wonderful. I don’t have to cook him 3 meals a day as well which I am not so good at. He accepts me the way I am and of course the more he accepts me the way I am the more I want to accept him the way he is. I almost feel foolish when I think on this. In a prayer after my divorce I asked God to be married again. I told God that the man did not have be rich but I asked that he pay his bills. He did not need to have a fancy career. As an afterthought I asked God to give me a man who took his faith seriously. I wanted to be in a healthy relationship. I wanted to be able to look up to the man I married. Again as I do the look back I find that God gave me the man I asked for. The best part is Junior takes his faith seriously. He treats me the way he thinks God wants him to treat me. The more Junior seeks my best the more I seek his best. To me life could not be sweeter. qhyqGod is always there, that has been an amazing lesson. I don’t feel alone anymore. God guides me and I find myself making better choices because I am hearing God’s direction. When I can truly open my heart to God and live the way I hear God teaching me, life is nice. God doesn’t take struggles away but He will walk through the struggle and that is wonderful. I am not alone which is something I hate to be alone. Have you begun your faith journey? Is it time? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet

September 5, 2012 Greetings My Friend, One of the hardest lessons for me to learn is that Junior’s standards and desires don’t always coincide with my standards and desires. He is a wonderful husband and friend but sometimes we don’t see eye to eye on the same things. It can be frustrating to say the least. By nature I like things a little more organized and picked up than Junior does. If I am to love this man I need to realize a spotless home makes him very uncomfortable. I love a picked up and spotless look in our home. I tolerate messes because I grew up in a very messy environment so I accept it. I don’t like it but I accept it. We are trying to get a refinance on our home to pay down some credit card debt. Most of the debt has been for the house so refinancing to us makes sense. Junior has been working hard at cleaning up the house and the yard. I have been so proud of him for working so hard and then the day came and well…..he did a lot but the messy look was still there. I could have been angry and had an attitude or I could accept him for who he is. I have decided to accept him for who he is even when what I want does not match who he is. Junior loves me and it is a wonderful feeling being loved by this man. He watches after me and I sense that as I am struggling with my health issues. He is willing to step beside me and hold my hand as I struggle through various problems. He takes me to my doctor’s appointments and drives me now that I am not to drive because of my black outs. He never complains. When I ate lunch the other day and then lost my lunch right away, he was patient with me. I go through these episodes and he sits quietly by while I am being sick. That is precious to me. Junior will go for walks with me because I am afraid of black outs and I want him near just in case. He does not get short with me. He seems to understand my concern. As I have been in the emergency room lately he is near and comforts me as I go through my tests while the Doctors are looking for what is wrong. I would like to get panicky and he stays calm. His calmness helps me to stay calm. Junior accepts the way I cook too. He does not have to have fresh meals made twice a day. I cook one meal and we eat left overs for dinner. He makes his own breakfast since he is up several hours before I wake up. Junior totally lets me be me. I love that. So my goal is to let Junior be Junior. I have always liked a more picked up house than Junior has. I have in the past kept our house up. Since Junior retired and since I am now retired my house keeping standards are not what I have done in the past. The tiny house in Haysi was hard for me to find a home for all that we owned. Here in Clintwood, I am finding a home for everything but there are days that my energy level stinks. I do what I can when I can. As my energy comes back I am finding myself doing more and keeping house more the way I like it. I do have my down days and well I accept when I can’t do like I would prefer. As our home has less and less tools and ladders and boards living with us, I find I am able to pick up and keep the house more the way I like it. I also am seeing the final look our house will have post renovation. I fall in love with this house over and over again. It is going to be a comfortable house. It also will be a house I can keep up well into my older years. We have no steps to speak of so that won’t be an issue. I even sense the day that I can’t keep up the whole house that we will be able to live mainly in the kitchen, family room and bedroom. We could very easily shut off a good portion of the house and not live in it. So I will have a smaller area to keep up with. I love that thought and that could mean we won’t have to move into a nursing home or assisted living home. That would be nice then we could stay here. I love that thought. We are planning on putting in a couple of wheel chair ramps and our doorways will be widened to accommodate a wheel chair down the road. We are planning for the day we can’t get around like we do now and that makes me real happy. Again if we have done all of this then I pray we can live in this house for a very long time. We have a walk in shower and a shower stool. The shower also has grab bars. Even our bathroom is being set up for the day we may need the assist. So Junior does not keep house the way I want to. He is a messy and I am a neat person. The more I learn to accept him for who he is the less angry I feel when he does not fit my picture of what I want. I am learning to love Junior for whom he is and I am not angry when a part of his personality does not coincide with what I want. That is always hard to accept when life isn’t the way we want it. When I can let Junior be Junior I also am making him know how much I love who he is. We all want that and my goal is to accept the parts that clash with who I am. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet