September 19, 2012 Thoughts at large: Greetings My Friend, With the house looking like a home more and with retirement now 4 years old I am settling more and more into routines. That feels real nice since I am a person who thrives best with routines. I am feeling retired finally after all these years. I know two moves in two years and retirement itself have put me in a state of flux. Now though with us staying longer in our home I am feeling like I am finally adjusting to life in retirement. My medical issues are being looked at and that feels good. I will finally find out why I am stumbling and blacking out. It seems to me the longer I am using the CPAP machine I am not blacking out like I was. That is a good feeling and hopefully I will be able to drive again on my own. That would be nice. I do like heading off to town on my own from time to time. I do enjoy being home with Junior. That became important to me when we married, to be retired with him. My parents never got to be retired together in old age. Dad died at age 59 so Mom retired with no Dad. Mom only lasted a couple of years after retirement. I wanted desperately to be with Junior and he is 7 years older so we worked at retiring me early so we’d have some years together. I am grateful we are retired and I love being home with Junior. There were some adjustments for sure but we have come through the adjustment time well. I believe that the moves have helped since neither one of us was in a routine. That is one of the complaints I have heard from recently retired people. The one at home has routines and the newly retired often struggles. The other problem is when both retire at the same time. I believe the moves have helped us adapt to life in retirement. Junior retired 4 years before I did. His back gave out on him and he retired earlier than he wanted to. Out here with all the renovating to be done, Junior feels he has a full time job and most days he gets up and works on the house. He enjoys it and that makes me happy. For me I’d like to work and find I can’t anymore. The first several years my sleep was so messed up and I wound up trying to sleep throughout the day to get 8 hours in. Now though I tend to sleep at night. If I do wake up it is for a much shorter time frame. My Doctor knew that the CPAP machine would do the trick and it has. As my sleep settles down I am now moving into routines and that feels wonderful. I still have health issues though and I am not moving as well as I’d like to be. I am stumbling and I have been blacking out for some time now. When we have our errand days and run all day I am wore out for a day or two so I am working my way through all that tiredness. I am learning to do what I can when I can. Each time I do a little feels wonderful and gives me the encouragement to keep working at doing things. With the aid of Prozac I am not beating myself up internally because I can’t do what I want to do. That feels nice. I am a whole lot less critical of myself finally. Junior not telling me I am lazy also helps. As I sit in my comfy chair I look into the house and it feels so comfortable to me. I can see the day when all the renovating will be done and that feels real nice as well. Junior will have projects to work on for several years and I think that makes him real happy. We head to Michigan four times a year as well. We still go to the dentist in MI. Our Dentist spoils us and I tried a dentist out here when my crown fell out and well they did not do such a great job. I love our visits to MI. We see family and friends which feels nice. It breaks up our time at home nicely as well. For me as we take our walks and as I look at the wonderful scenery around our home and on our drives I find peace within me. It is a wonderful feeling and I marvel that God had us move here. The weather is ideal for the two of us. I hate cold and Junior hates the heat. The weather out here is perfect for both of us. We get some cold not as long and as hard as in MI that is nice. We are up on a mountain so our temps in the summer are cooler than down off the mountain and that works too. Throughout this process I have felt very close to God. God we felt directed us to move. We did. There were times I wondered why and I wasn’t real sure and at the same time I was excited. I had such a mix of emotions. As life continues to settle I feel we are where we need to be. I continue to marvel at the comfort level we have. Since my divorce I have developed a strong walk with the Lord. In that I find that our move is exactly what we needed. I am comfortable in our new state, our new home. I love the views that are now my every day. Each time I find myself in another moment of “now what” God has opened my eyes to the things I have needed to do. I have a great doctor who seems to “hear” me and she is directing me out of some of these struggles. It will be a process but we are on the way. God is good! May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet