September 5, 2012 Greetings My Friend, One of the hardest lessons for me to learn is that Junior’s standards and desires don’t always coincide with my standards and desires. He is a wonderful husband and friend but sometimes we don’t see eye to eye on the same things. It can be frustrating to say the least. By nature I like things a little more organized and picked up than Junior does. If I am to love this man I need to realize a spotless home makes him very uncomfortable. I love a picked up and spotless look in our home. I tolerate messes because I grew up in a very messy environment so I accept it. I don’t like it but I accept it. We are trying to get a refinance on our home to pay down some credit card debt. Most of the debt has been for the house so refinancing to us makes sense. Junior has been working hard at cleaning up the house and the yard. I have been so proud of him for working so hard and then the day came and well…..he did a lot but the messy look was still there. I could have been angry and had an attitude or I could accept him for who he is. I have decided to accept him for who he is even when what I want does not match who he is. Junior loves me and it is a wonderful feeling being loved by this man. He watches after me and I sense that as I am struggling with my health issues. He is willing to step beside me and hold my hand as I struggle through various problems. He takes me to my doctor’s appointments and drives me now that I am not to drive because of my black outs. He never complains. When I ate lunch the other day and then lost my lunch right away, he was patient with me. I go through these episodes and he sits quietly by while I am being sick. That is precious to me. Junior will go for walks with me because I am afraid of black outs and I want him near just in case. He does not get short with me. He seems to understand my concern. As I have been in the emergency room lately he is near and comforts me as I go through my tests while the Doctors are looking for what is wrong. I would like to get panicky and he stays calm. His calmness helps me to stay calm. Junior accepts the way I cook too. He does not have to have fresh meals made twice a day. I cook one meal and we eat left overs for dinner. He makes his own breakfast since he is up several hours before I wake up. Junior totally lets me be me. I love that. So my goal is to let Junior be Junior. I have always liked a more picked up house than Junior has. I have in the past kept our house up. Since Junior retired and since I am now retired my house keeping standards are not what I have done in the past. The tiny house in Haysi was hard for me to find a home for all that we owned. Here in Clintwood, I am finding a home for everything but there are days that my energy level stinks. I do what I can when I can. As my energy comes back I am finding myself doing more and keeping house more the way I like it. I do have my down days and well I accept when I can’t do like I would prefer. As our home has less and less tools and ladders and boards living with us, I find I am able to pick up and keep the house more the way I like it. I also am seeing the final look our house will have post renovation. I fall in love with this house over and over again. It is going to be a comfortable house. It also will be a house I can keep up well into my older years. We have no steps to speak of so that won’t be an issue. I even sense the day that I can’t keep up the whole house that we will be able to live mainly in the kitchen, family room and bedroom. We could very easily shut off a good portion of the house and not live in it. So I will have a smaller area to keep up with. I love that thought and that could mean we won’t have to move into a nursing home or assisted living home. That would be nice then we could stay here. I love that thought. We are planning on putting in a couple of wheel chair ramps and our doorways will be widened to accommodate a wheel chair down the road. We are planning for the day we can’t get around like we do now and that makes me real happy. Again if we have done all of this then I pray we can live in this house for a very long time. We have a walk in shower and a shower stool. The shower also has grab bars. Even our bathroom is being set up for the day we may need the assist. So Junior does not keep house the way I want to. He is a messy and I am a neat person. The more I learn to accept him for who he is the less angry I feel when he does not fit my picture of what I want. I am learning to love Junior for whom he is and I am not angry when a part of his personality does not coincide with what I want. That is always hard to accept when life isn’t the way we want it. When I can let Junior be Junior I also am making him know how much I love who he is. We all want that and my goal is to accept the parts that clash with who I am. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet