September 1, 2012 Greetings My Friend, Thoughts at large: One of the struggles I have had is the chaos of a home that is being renovated. I don’t operate well in chaos and need order. I have wanted to let Junior be Junior and not fuss at him to have everything in order. He operates in dis-order very well and prefers dis-order. We have had to find house insurance again. We wind up not on insurance somehow. It is different here in Virginia and well we haven’t figured the insurance thing out. Anyway we have had to have the insurance people by. We have had to clean up so our insurance will be accepted. Now we are trying to consolidate our debt and refinance our house and well that means we need to get the house cleaned up inside and out so we can get a good appraisal. For me….I am thrilled because I don’t have to look at boards, ladders and tools wherever I go. I am seeing more of how the house will be post renovation. It is going to be so cute and I love this house even more. I marvel at the contentment I feel living here overall. Tomorrow the appraiser will be here and we are cleaning like there is no tomorrow. All renovating is on hold for right now and the house is starting to look like a home and this girl is about as thrilled as she can get. I am starting to have some more energy and I am helping Junior get things in order. That makes me happy as well. I am not ready run a marathon but I am doing more and more each day. When we are done I believe I will truly be able to keep house again and that is exciting to me. My cleaning these days is way different than in years past. I sweep a little sit down catch my breath and then I get up and do something else. I then sit down again and my day goes like this now. I have a tendency to turn on the TV and I work through commercials now. It works and I see progress and it makes the house clean. About the time I think my sleep is on some sort of schedule I have a tendency to sleep differently. After starting Prozac I slept 6 hours and then I’d wake up. I was up at 5:00 or so. I did not mind that and I was happier with 6 hours of sleep than three hours awake, fall asleep a few hours later and then up after 3 hours and then back down till I had my 8 hours all in. With the 6 hours I only needed two more hours. Now that I am on the CPAP machine for the most part when I get to sleep I stay asleep for 8 hours. Lately I can’t get to sleep till midnight and I am sleeping at least 8 hours and many days it may even be 9 or 10 hours. These days I don’t get upset because I am thrilled I am sleeping. I used to worry that I was losing brain cells and well I’d rather sleep anymore. I also find I am not the Janet of years past. I can no longer jump out of bed and run. Many days I will be sick to my stomach if I rush too much. I often fall back asleep when Junior calls me to wake me up. I have never been like this so it annoys me. I now have to give myself some time to wake up and move slowly in the morning if I need to be up. If I don’t I can’t function. I have been asking God to change me and frankly He hasn’t. At this point I am accepting that this is my “new normal” and I live with the changes in me. Prior to Prozac I would get very upset with myself and these days I tell myself, “it is what it is.” I find a freedom in accepting these changes now. So if I don’t wake up till 10:00 or 11:00 that is ok. If I can work like crazy one day and the next I am wore out well that is ok too. I have quit giving myself all kinds of lectures and have started just doing what I can when I can. I am writing two days a week for my blog. I started a book on Polio and have stalled out. As we come to an end with the renovating I believe I will be able to focus on writing more. I like that idea a whole lot. I love that I will be able to move my computer around the house and outside more. Junior hooked me up so I can get the internet without being plugged into it. That is nice. I can see the day where I will take my computer and sit on the porch and look at the woods. It is so quiet and pleasing and well I love this new life a bunch. I again marvel at God. God directed us to move. We moved to Virginia and we love it here. We were going to rent and then discovered we weren’t good renters so when we found this house we prayed. We felt God said to buy this house and to be honest I have never felt so good in a home. This home is a good 80-100 years old. It had not been lived in for many years and for a while it was a place for people to crash after a party. It had fallen to a state of dis-repair. Slowly though we are bringing it back to its former beauty and improving on it. We truly love the new life we have been given. We love the views we have as we walk, sit on the porch and as we drive. I can’t even begin to tell how much peace I have. It is awesome. Are you content with where your life is going? Have you thought about Jesus? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet