May 28, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
Thoughts at large:
Junior and I experienced the miracle of birth this week. Puppup our Shitzu gave birth to six puppies. Five of them lived, one died. Puppup amazed me. While she was giving birth in between babies she would crawl up in my lap or curl next to Junior. She let us hold her babies with no fussing. The first puppy or two, she let Junior pull the sack off the face, and then she started doing it herself.
I was amazed at her trust in us. I was amazed at the babies being born and the whole process. I had expected that we’d wake up and there were her babies or we’d come home from an outing and there she would be with her babies. Puppup wanted us right beside her, petting on her, encouraging her and loving her.
I love hearing the squeals they make. I love watching Puppup clean on them, feed them and protect them. She continues to let Junior and I hold them. P our friend came by to see the babies. Puppup barked at her. She doesn’t know P like we do so she was protecting her young. It was a precious sight.
The babies’ eyes are not open yet. Those babies somehow get buried in the blankets and are hard to find. We have put a blanket down that is not as big and bulky so there is less room for them to get lost in.
Junior and I have started dating again. We lost track of that with the two moves. I am amazed at the thrill of dolling myself up for my man. I am trying to wear eye make-up again. I have found with the longer hair (for me) that my bangs get in my eyes and under my nose. I get so itchy. I’ve started wearing headbands and clips. That is fun too, finding pretty things for my hair. The eye make-up may only be for special occasions since the itching and burning have come back.
I am finding that even though I’m older, I still have a desire to be “girlie”. After I had breast cancer I could not wear a bra. Bra’s irritated my skin real bad. I went a few years without wearing one. Finally last year I found a kind I could wear, the cotton fabric covers the elastic area and does not itch or leave deep welts. Each day now I find myself thanking God because I can do what women do, wear a bra.
I love eye make-up. I wore it for years. A few years ago I had to give up wearing it. I have allergies and my eyes burned and itched something awful. I learned though that Junior meant it when he said I was beautiful with or without it. My husband has been so precious. For most of my life I felt I was not going to be loved if I had weight on me, didn’t look all dolled up all the time etc. Junior always looks at me, talks to me and touches me like I’m the most beautiful thing on earth.
Mr. Junior is attracted to red haired and green eyed women. Fionna on Burn Notice is the ideal woman. She is beautiful and she plays with guns. Me, I have none of his ideal traits. Still he makes me feel so pretty and so loved.
After we married he would tell people that I saved him from red haired and green eyed women. To him they were feisty, and would fly off the handle for any reason. He feels that God opened his heart to receive me warts and all. Each day he sets out to love me and I feel it. With this kind of love, I find myself wanting to be all that I can be for him.
I remember telling Junior when I met him that I was looking for boring. I guess several women had told him he was boring. My comment was a compliment and he picked that up. For me I was done with roller coaster relationships.
I am sure many people find Junior and me to be boring. We love our life though. We don’t need drama to enjoy life. I love our quiet life. I love our trips, our being home and putzing. It is fun. It is quiet. Our fights are rare and when we have them, they are not loud and mean.
One of the first things we tried to do when we married was not to use “put down” humor. For the most part we don’t give into it. Once in a while we do, we apologize and then we work at not doing it again. Our biggest goal is to Agape love each other.
For me the prayer God gave me when Junior was in his curb side shopping phase has been a huge blessing. I asked God to open my eyes and heart to Junior. I kept saying “God what does his heart have to do with trash?” One day I watched Junior bending over load after load of clothes he got from the curb. His back was hurting so bad and he kept doing the clothes washing and folding them so tenderly at that point, I saw Junior’ heart. He was washing those clothes so he could give them to the poor. My husband has a very tender heart. Not only does he treat me so tenderly, he loves the lost, the lonely and the hurting.
Sometimes I allow other people’s thoughts to matter way too much. I often felt that people didn’t like Junior because of some of his strange ways. God is teaching me, to look at my husband and not worry what others think. Here in Virginia, our church family loves us just the way we are. Junior cuts his own hair, has huge whitewalls around his ears. The church family sees him, shakes his hand, hugs him and loves him as he is. I like that a whole bunch.
I have learned a great lesson. Love people where they are at. That’s what God has done with me, with us. It is wonderful.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
May 21, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
When I was a young mother I had a couple of friends who miscarried. My heart broke for them. I asked a Minister how to talk to these women and he said that I need to realize that that child is the one they wanted. Telling them that they can have more babies does not help, it actually hurts them even more.
As I have stated from the time I was in elementary school I wanted to be a mother. It was very important to me. God blessed me and I had two children, a girl and a boy. I loved them with all the love I was able to give. In the craziness of my first marriage, my children became my life line. I lived because I didn't want them to grow up without a mother or father. I did have a moment where I stood at a knife drawer and stared at it for a long time. I wanted to do something that scares me even now when I think on it. Because my children were that important to me, I shut the drawer and walked away.
When I divorced both of my children were in their early 20's. Through the years, I've learned that no matter what age parent's divorce, there is a lot of emotion and anger not only with the parents, but also with the children. Each person in that family must come to terms with many things. It is a process at times a very long process.
I have been praying and waiting for the storm of emotions to pass. It has been 14 years and to be honest, there are still the storms. For me I find myself moving forward and then....something out the past comes roaring back. I need to process yet again and it is hard on me, my husband who has heard this over and over and over again as I process yet again.
I know the children have had a need to make sense of many things. I understand and I miss them terribly. Several people in my life are able to shut doors and move on. I always wonder why I can't. I miss my children a whole lot. One child has reached out to me only to process more junk and get angry again. The other child has allowed the door to shut and hasn't opened it at all. I grieve for them and I grieve for me. I wish I could go back and make things right. I can't so I love them from a distance more often than not.
This is where my faith journey sustains me. God holds me, comforts me and even pushes me out the door when I'd rather sit on the couch and wrap a blanket around me. Since I can't always hug them, I pray for them. That comforts me too. I give God my children. I can't put them in better hands.
I have come to realize that my feelings are like those women who miscarried. These are my children, the ones I wanted. I asked J, she has miscarried twice and she has told me that is exactly the feelings she has had. She understood how I love the daylights out of her, but my children....are the ones I wanted. I won't ever walk away from her. She is now the one I want at this time, my children I gave birth to are also the ones I want. I can't ever thank God enough for J. She says I think we need to go shopping when I call up and she hears my sadness. It is precious, I know that she is loving me in her J way.
As my son re-enters my life...I am overjoyed. I had a person tell me recently that I push my family away. Ouch! What I hear from my son is that he has had to process a lot of anger. He had to process the junk that went on in the home. He said, "Mom, you are my mother, I will always come back." He took time outs as he had to deal with junk. I understand that. I remember processing anger from my childhood, my marriage. It takes time to put things in perspective and then let it go. I also remember as I entered counseling, I had to learn other words for "that made me mad." That was all I knew for most of my life. My counselor taught me that we can be sad, mad, and glad and I was amazed to know there were so many different things attached to emotions other than being mad. My son....has probably had to process all that as well.
So as my son re-enters my life...I am joyful. I am excited to be friends again. I love that child so much. I love my daughter, hopefully....one day..... In the meantime I learn to live in the moment and quit looking back. Looking back does not bring healing and keeps the wounds deep. So I move forward and pray.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.l
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
When I was a young mother I had a couple of friends who miscarried. My heart broke for them. I asked a Minister how to talk to these women and he said that I need to realize that that child is the one they wanted. Telling them that they can have more babies does not help, it actually hurts them even more.
As I have stated from the time I was in elementary school I wanted to be a mother. It was very important to me. God blessed me and I had two children, a girl and a boy. I loved them with all the love I was able to give. In the craziness of my first marriage, my children became my life line. I lived because I didn't want them to grow up without a mother or father. I did have a moment where I stood at a knife drawer and stared at it for a long time. I wanted to do something that scares me even now when I think on it. Because my children were that important to me, I shut the drawer and walked away.
When I divorced both of my children were in their early 20's. Through the years, I've learned that no matter what age parent's divorce, there is a lot of emotion and anger not only with the parents, but also with the children. Each person in that family must come to terms with many things. It is a process at times a very long process.
I have been praying and waiting for the storm of emotions to pass. It has been 14 years and to be honest, there are still the storms. For me I find myself moving forward and then....something out the past comes roaring back. I need to process yet again and it is hard on me, my husband who has heard this over and over and over again as I process yet again.
I know the children have had a need to make sense of many things. I understand and I miss them terribly. Several people in my life are able to shut doors and move on. I always wonder why I can't. I miss my children a whole lot. One child has reached out to me only to process more junk and get angry again. The other child has allowed the door to shut and hasn't opened it at all. I grieve for them and I grieve for me. I wish I could go back and make things right. I can't so I love them from a distance more often than not.
This is where my faith journey sustains me. God holds me, comforts me and even pushes me out the door when I'd rather sit on the couch and wrap a blanket around me. Since I can't always hug them, I pray for them. That comforts me too. I give God my children. I can't put them in better hands.
I have come to realize that my feelings are like those women who miscarried. These are my children, the ones I wanted. I asked J, she has miscarried twice and she has told me that is exactly the feelings she has had. She understood how I love the daylights out of her, but my children....are the ones I wanted. I won't ever walk away from her. She is now the one I want at this time, my children I gave birth to are also the ones I want. I can't ever thank God enough for J. She says I think we need to go shopping when I call up and she hears my sadness. It is precious, I know that she is loving me in her J way.
As my son re-enters my life...I am overjoyed. I had a person tell me recently that I push my family away. Ouch! What I hear from my son is that he has had to process a lot of anger. He had to process the junk that went on in the home. He said, "Mom, you are my mother, I will always come back." He took time outs as he had to deal with junk. I understand that. I remember processing anger from my childhood, my marriage. It takes time to put things in perspective and then let it go. I also remember as I entered counseling, I had to learn other words for "that made me mad." That was all I knew for most of my life. My counselor taught me that we can be sad, mad, and glad and I was amazed to know there were so many different things attached to emotions other than being mad. My son....has probably had to process all that as well.
So as my son re-enters my life...I am joyful. I am excited to be friends again. I love that child so much. I love my daughter, hopefully....one day..... In the meantime I learn to live in the moment and quit looking back. Looking back does not bring healing and keeps the wounds deep. So I move forward and pray.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.l
Love
Janet
Friday, May 13, 2011
May 14, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
On FB today I saw a discussion on worshiping God. My heart has a struggle on what worship is, why we need to do it. In my book On the Way to Wholness I question this step. It is Accolades and we need to tell God how wonderful He is. I ask, "Doesn't God know He is the most wonderful, awesome....etc." I want to but I don't always understand.
As I go along in years, I am starting to "get it." God does know that He is perfect. He knows He is great. We need to put God in the right spot in our heart. By telling God He is perfect really helps us put Him right where He needs to be....at the center of our heart.
I liken it to my letter writing to Junior. I write to him what I admire in him. I knew what losing respect looked like and I didn't want to do that again. I tell Junior all the things I admire in him. I do it more for me, that said he loves it. When I focus on the good....I don't have a tendecy to see his awful traits. They are there but I am learning that telling him his good traits really builds him up, I see the real good guy he is and my respect grows by leaps and bounds. Men....want respect....it is what is dearest to their heart. When they are respected.....they feel worthwhile, valuable and it is "love" to them.
I often ask God to open my heart to Junior's. When I let God show me the real neat guy Junior is...I fall in love over and over. So it is with God. When I begin to see what God has done, the love He has for me and so much more...I learn to put God at the center of my heart. I have a deep love for Junior and I want no other man in the man/ wife kind of way. I don't want to stray because I love him to much to do so. It is the same way with God.
Part of my prayers is to be thankful. When I am thankful, I see all that God has given me. Yes, God makes sure I have physcial things and yes I am grateful, but He has held me tenderly when I hurt real bad. He has given me strength when I had none. He has shown me how to handle real rough situations and sooooo much more. I find myself ever so grateful for those moments when God has helped me to say/do the right thing.
Sometimes I don't pray the prayer format ACTSS. I sometimes hurt and I go directly to God and pray "Lord I'm hurting real bad." God hears my cry. I often get tenderness when I need it most. God loves me and people have made a point of telling me what a loser I am and....I have hurt beyond words. God though, He tells me that I am not a mistake, I am not a dumb blonde even though I make fun....sometimes I feel that dumb blonde.
I have been hurting to the point of being raw in my heart lately. God has directed my steps and shown me why I shouldn't go, do whatever. I have saved myself even more grief by listening to God and not going.
God has even brought a special person back into my life. I wanted to give up, call it quits and at the lowest I've been in a while, someone walked back into my life. Pretty amazing. God's timing is always right on time.
When God walks beside me like that I find it hard not to say thank you over and over and over again. I find myself real grateful, beyond words and telling God about it brings joy and peace and again I learn giving God the glory is really for my good.
If I am right when I am this thankful....I am worshiping God. When I tell God, thank you for the help, the provisions and so many more things...that is an act of worship. That has been a struggle for me to learn. I've learned through the years that music is an act of worship....I didn't get how to worship God in other things....so acknowlding God seems to be an act of worship as well.
The neat thing about God is He realizes we don't get everything the day we say the "sinner's prayer." We need to grow and as we grow our worship changes. In my heart....God is looking to change me from where I was to where I am going. I can only change when I give God my heart. He changes me and I am not the woman I once was and I am not the woman I am now in the future because God is still working with me/changing me. It is pretty exciting.
As I end this.....my question is have you thought to thank God lately.....have you looked at what you have and realized God's provision...maybe it is time to say "Thank you Lord."
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
On FB today I saw a discussion on worshiping God. My heart has a struggle on what worship is, why we need to do it. In my book On the Way to Wholness I question this step. It is Accolades and we need to tell God how wonderful He is. I ask, "Doesn't God know He is the most wonderful, awesome....etc." I want to but I don't always understand.
As I go along in years, I am starting to "get it." God does know that He is perfect. He knows He is great. We need to put God in the right spot in our heart. By telling God He is perfect really helps us put Him right where He needs to be....at the center of our heart.
I liken it to my letter writing to Junior. I write to him what I admire in him. I knew what losing respect looked like and I didn't want to do that again. I tell Junior all the things I admire in him. I do it more for me, that said he loves it. When I focus on the good....I don't have a tendecy to see his awful traits. They are there but I am learning that telling him his good traits really builds him up, I see the real good guy he is and my respect grows by leaps and bounds. Men....want respect....it is what is dearest to their heart. When they are respected.....they feel worthwhile, valuable and it is "love" to them.
I often ask God to open my heart to Junior's. When I let God show me the real neat guy Junior is...I fall in love over and over. So it is with God. When I begin to see what God has done, the love He has for me and so much more...I learn to put God at the center of my heart. I have a deep love for Junior and I want no other man in the man/ wife kind of way. I don't want to stray because I love him to much to do so. It is the same way with God.
Part of my prayers is to be thankful. When I am thankful, I see all that God has given me. Yes, God makes sure I have physcial things and yes I am grateful, but He has held me tenderly when I hurt real bad. He has given me strength when I had none. He has shown me how to handle real rough situations and sooooo much more. I find myself ever so grateful for those moments when God has helped me to say/do the right thing.
Sometimes I don't pray the prayer format ACTSS. I sometimes hurt and I go directly to God and pray "Lord I'm hurting real bad." God hears my cry. I often get tenderness when I need it most. God loves me and people have made a point of telling me what a loser I am and....I have hurt beyond words. God though, He tells me that I am not a mistake, I am not a dumb blonde even though I make fun....sometimes I feel that dumb blonde.
I have been hurting to the point of being raw in my heart lately. God has directed my steps and shown me why I shouldn't go, do whatever. I have saved myself even more grief by listening to God and not going.
God has even brought a special person back into my life. I wanted to give up, call it quits and at the lowest I've been in a while, someone walked back into my life. Pretty amazing. God's timing is always right on time.
When God walks beside me like that I find it hard not to say thank you over and over and over again. I find myself real grateful, beyond words and telling God about it brings joy and peace and again I learn giving God the glory is really for my good.
If I am right when I am this thankful....I am worshiping God. When I tell God, thank you for the help, the provisions and so many more things...that is an act of worship. That has been a struggle for me to learn. I've learned through the years that music is an act of worship....I didn't get how to worship God in other things....so acknowlding God seems to be an act of worship as well.
The neat thing about God is He realizes we don't get everything the day we say the "sinner's prayer." We need to grow and as we grow our worship changes. In my heart....God is looking to change me from where I was to where I am going. I can only change when I give God my heart. He changes me and I am not the woman I once was and I am not the woman I am now in the future because God is still working with me/changing me. It is pretty exciting.
As I end this.....my question is have you thought to thank God lately.....have you looked at what you have and realized God's provision...maybe it is time to say "Thank you Lord."
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, May 6, 2011
May 7, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
Mother's Day is tomorrow. To be honest the week leading to Mother's Day is hard. I find myself in a funk. Through the years, I have been able to let go and move on. Mother's Day though.....I tend to struggle for a bit anyway.
My children grew up with a lot of fighting in the home. Many nights my ex and I were fighting in the middle of the night. We weren't quiet about our fights either so sometimes the children woke up to hear their parents fighting. Not pleasant for sure.
For me....I realized I had some problems and entered into counseling. As I went through counseling, I began to learn ways to walk away from the fights. Many times I would walk out the front door and go for a walk, go for a drive etc. That did not always help, sometimes my ex would follow me. I tried to lock myself in the bathroom till I cooled down only to have the door broke down. Of course I found myself getting mad after trying to walk away and I'd come out fighting, knowing I was going to lose but didn't care. As I went through counseling I often heard that I was selfish, self centered and a whole host of other things.
I guess my child has a reason to be mad at me. I'm not sure why this child is mad but it has been 12 years and still no communication. I hurt for her as much as for myself. I wish I knew my offense, I really do. If I did know then maybe I could apologize. That's the wierd thing about anger at other people. You know you are right, justified etc, but the other person generally is clueless.
As I went through counseling I learned that the person you are mad at generally does not know it. As I have gone on in my faith journey I have felt God point me to people I need to forgive. In the Lord's prayer there is the line that says, "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." There is also the versus that says if at the alter you find you have a person you are angry with that you need to leave the alter, go make amends and then come back. That is very paraphrased, but I believe the idea is that God wants us to be right with people first.
I also heard a sermon one time where the Minister's parents were alcoholics and he and his siblings were neglected and abused. He taught that we still had to honor our parents. There are times we need to walk away but always honor our parents. Honor is one of those things men want and to be honest I'm clueless as to what it looks like. Respect is the other piece to what men want and again I think I'm respecting and find that my man doesn't see it as respect. These are hard for me to grasp for sure. Still I try.
For me, I tend to ask God a whole lot to show me what it looks like for Junior. On my own, I can't. I also go to prayer a whole lot over most things in my life now. I am amazed when God opens doors for me. The doors aren't always a new something but sometimes it is an understanding, a love and a whole host of other things.
I've been praying for my child for years now. I know in my heart God is hearing my request and in time, I pray we may forgive each other for the hurt we've caused the other one. I may never reconcile, I pray for it though. In God's time, not mine.
In the meantime, I move on. I try to anyway. God has through the years brought me young women to love. I don't go long periods without a young woman to mother. It is a need deep in me and He provides. I am grateful for these women. Right now J next door is filling the mother need in me. We check on my books, we shop, we hang out and fix on my house from time to time. She feels real good.
My funk around Mother's Day....it comes. I've remembered my mother-in-law at times like this. She had 8 children...one died as a baby. Anyway, two of her sons walked out of her life for a few years. She was so broken up about their absence. I remember telling her, "Mom you have 5 other children who love you and come around." As the years have gone on, I understand. Those two were her children and she wanted them. She loved all of them.
Anyway, Monday will come. I will do housework, grocery shop, love the dogs, cats in my life. In general I move on. It is that or curl up in bed and never walk out the front door. I don't think God wants me to quit life because life hurts, so I move on. My son may call, a card may come in the mail. The same with my niece, Junior's daughter, the woman next door. In that, I find such comfort.
Daughter....I will always love you.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Mother's Day is tomorrow. To be honest the week leading to Mother's Day is hard. I find myself in a funk. Through the years, I have been able to let go and move on. Mother's Day though.....I tend to struggle for a bit anyway.
My children grew up with a lot of fighting in the home. Many nights my ex and I were fighting in the middle of the night. We weren't quiet about our fights either so sometimes the children woke up to hear their parents fighting. Not pleasant for sure.
For me....I realized I had some problems and entered into counseling. As I went through counseling, I began to learn ways to walk away from the fights. Many times I would walk out the front door and go for a walk, go for a drive etc. That did not always help, sometimes my ex would follow me. I tried to lock myself in the bathroom till I cooled down only to have the door broke down. Of course I found myself getting mad after trying to walk away and I'd come out fighting, knowing I was going to lose but didn't care. As I went through counseling I often heard that I was selfish, self centered and a whole host of other things.
I guess my child has a reason to be mad at me. I'm not sure why this child is mad but it has been 12 years and still no communication. I hurt for her as much as for myself. I wish I knew my offense, I really do. If I did know then maybe I could apologize. That's the wierd thing about anger at other people. You know you are right, justified etc, but the other person generally is clueless.
As I went through counseling I learned that the person you are mad at generally does not know it. As I have gone on in my faith journey I have felt God point me to people I need to forgive. In the Lord's prayer there is the line that says, "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." There is also the versus that says if at the alter you find you have a person you are angry with that you need to leave the alter, go make amends and then come back. That is very paraphrased, but I believe the idea is that God wants us to be right with people first.
I also heard a sermon one time where the Minister's parents were alcoholics and he and his siblings were neglected and abused. He taught that we still had to honor our parents. There are times we need to walk away but always honor our parents. Honor is one of those things men want and to be honest I'm clueless as to what it looks like. Respect is the other piece to what men want and again I think I'm respecting and find that my man doesn't see it as respect. These are hard for me to grasp for sure. Still I try.
For me, I tend to ask God a whole lot to show me what it looks like for Junior. On my own, I can't. I also go to prayer a whole lot over most things in my life now. I am amazed when God opens doors for me. The doors aren't always a new something but sometimes it is an understanding, a love and a whole host of other things.
I've been praying for my child for years now. I know in my heart God is hearing my request and in time, I pray we may forgive each other for the hurt we've caused the other one. I may never reconcile, I pray for it though. In God's time, not mine.
In the meantime, I move on. I try to anyway. God has through the years brought me young women to love. I don't go long periods without a young woman to mother. It is a need deep in me and He provides. I am grateful for these women. Right now J next door is filling the mother need in me. We check on my books, we shop, we hang out and fix on my house from time to time. She feels real good.
My funk around Mother's Day....it comes. I've remembered my mother-in-law at times like this. She had 8 children...one died as a baby. Anyway, two of her sons walked out of her life for a few years. She was so broken up about their absence. I remember telling her, "Mom you have 5 other children who love you and come around." As the years have gone on, I understand. Those two were her children and she wanted them. She loved all of them.
Anyway, Monday will come. I will do housework, grocery shop, love the dogs, cats in my life. In general I move on. It is that or curl up in bed and never walk out the front door. I don't think God wants me to quit life because life hurts, so I move on. My son may call, a card may come in the mail. The same with my niece, Junior's daughter, the woman next door. In that, I find such comfort.
Daughter....I will always love you.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
April 30, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I remember as I went back to work I would read all kinds of things about making it in the work place. One of the things I read was that it is important to align yourself with the right people at work. The right people will help you move up the ladder whereas the wrong people will keep you stuck in the same position and no forward movement.
I also remember in high school that I wanted to be in the “in” crowd. I was not but I wanted to be. I wanted to be a cheerleader, didn’t have enough confidence in myself to ever try out. In health class I learned the importance of bathing daily, washing your hair and brushing your teeth. These lessons were not taught to me at home.
When I learned good hygiene habits, I began implementing them in my life. I also felt that this would help me make and keep friends. In school, I found a crowd to hang out with. I was terrified of going to the bathroom. The kids that smoked and did drugs hung out in there and I didn’t want to get in trouble. The kids that liked me really liked me and I moved through school with a comfort level.
Frats, greasers and later the freaks (hippies) were the ones you tended to align yourself with. For me, I would not pick one. I liked to flow in and out of different groups. I went to church and enjoyed my friends from there as well. I was in band. I feel like I was well rounded with many different types of friends. I’m still like that. I don’t really feel pigeon holed into a style of people. Many middle class people tend to like me people who are educated and uneducated like me and I them.
Recently I have had a person remind me a few times that they are cool and I’m not. My first reaction was, “really, I thought that type of game playing was behind me.” As Junior and I have been retired we notice that retired people for the most part aren’t interested in what you once were. We come together now as retired, living on a more fixed income and our life work is behind us and our life work now tends to be about how to help others. To be honest, I don’t care anymore if I’m cool. I’ve had enough people in recent years reject me so I’ve come to the place that the only “group” I want to be in is God’s group.
God has held me so tenderly. God has said “Janet, I trust you and I want to you to go and do.” Learning this lesson has been precious. For the first time in my life, I feel like I truly belong and I am wanted. So being cool for the sake of being cool is not important anymore.
My joy comes when I am serving, loving, giving. In that I find a true peace and contentment. I love being Junior’s wife. Oh the joy of cooking for him, cleaning our home so he has a comfortable place to be when life can be crazy. I love when he comes to me and holds me tightly after he faces a struggle. I love when he laughs with me at my antics. It is a joy down deep in my being. I love having our pets, they love me, let me love on them and they have no complaints. I love helping J and B by giving rides, talking on the phone, e-mailing several friends. I am looking for the day to start working in some capacity with my church family.
I love Facebook. I love putting out there on a daily basis the things I’m into. I also love the opportunity to pray when someone is struggling. I begin to pray for them and each time I see their comment, I remember to pray. I am once again starting to make dishcloths. It is the only thing I’ve learned to crochet, but I make them and then give them away. Writing my blog has been a joy as well. As I write these things I realize that it is not in being connected to the right people that I find joy. It is in reaching out to those I am around and those I meet that I find contentment and I again think, being the “cool” one is so not important anymore.
I love my quiet time with God. I try to read through the Bible in a year. I also try to do a Bible study and I do my weekly lesson from Sunday school. It is in reading my Bible, prayer and an earnest effort to live my life for Jesus that again I feel loved and wanted. The cool thing is so not important.
Junior often tells me, “That would not make God happy.” I find a joy in his comment. He is trying to be the husband I need. He is not taking from me and trying to suck me dry. He is also trying to seek my highest good. I appreciate that. We both tend to ask God often to teach us to be the spouse our spouse needs. Again, I am grateful because we are seeking each other’s highest good which means we are not all about our individual wants.
The question I have is who do you serve? Man or God?
May God bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I remember as I went back to work I would read all kinds of things about making it in the work place. One of the things I read was that it is important to align yourself with the right people at work. The right people will help you move up the ladder whereas the wrong people will keep you stuck in the same position and no forward movement.
I also remember in high school that I wanted to be in the “in” crowd. I was not but I wanted to be. I wanted to be a cheerleader, didn’t have enough confidence in myself to ever try out. In health class I learned the importance of bathing daily, washing your hair and brushing your teeth. These lessons were not taught to me at home.
When I learned good hygiene habits, I began implementing them in my life. I also felt that this would help me make and keep friends. In school, I found a crowd to hang out with. I was terrified of going to the bathroom. The kids that smoked and did drugs hung out in there and I didn’t want to get in trouble. The kids that liked me really liked me and I moved through school with a comfort level.
Frats, greasers and later the freaks (hippies) were the ones you tended to align yourself with. For me, I would not pick one. I liked to flow in and out of different groups. I went to church and enjoyed my friends from there as well. I was in band. I feel like I was well rounded with many different types of friends. I’m still like that. I don’t really feel pigeon holed into a style of people. Many middle class people tend to like me people who are educated and uneducated like me and I them.
Recently I have had a person remind me a few times that they are cool and I’m not. My first reaction was, “really, I thought that type of game playing was behind me.” As Junior and I have been retired we notice that retired people for the most part aren’t interested in what you once were. We come together now as retired, living on a more fixed income and our life work is behind us and our life work now tends to be about how to help others. To be honest, I don’t care anymore if I’m cool. I’ve had enough people in recent years reject me so I’ve come to the place that the only “group” I want to be in is God’s group.
God has held me so tenderly. God has said “Janet, I trust you and I want to you to go and do.” Learning this lesson has been precious. For the first time in my life, I feel like I truly belong and I am wanted. So being cool for the sake of being cool is not important anymore.
My joy comes when I am serving, loving, giving. In that I find a true peace and contentment. I love being Junior’s wife. Oh the joy of cooking for him, cleaning our home so he has a comfortable place to be when life can be crazy. I love when he comes to me and holds me tightly after he faces a struggle. I love when he laughs with me at my antics. It is a joy down deep in my being. I love having our pets, they love me, let me love on them and they have no complaints. I love helping J and B by giving rides, talking on the phone, e-mailing several friends. I am looking for the day to start working in some capacity with my church family.
I love Facebook. I love putting out there on a daily basis the things I’m into. I also love the opportunity to pray when someone is struggling. I begin to pray for them and each time I see their comment, I remember to pray. I am once again starting to make dishcloths. It is the only thing I’ve learned to crochet, but I make them and then give them away. Writing my blog has been a joy as well. As I write these things I realize that it is not in being connected to the right people that I find joy. It is in reaching out to those I am around and those I meet that I find contentment and I again think, being the “cool” one is so not important anymore.
I love my quiet time with God. I try to read through the Bible in a year. I also try to do a Bible study and I do my weekly lesson from Sunday school. It is in reading my Bible, prayer and an earnest effort to live my life for Jesus that again I feel loved and wanted. The cool thing is so not important.
Junior often tells me, “That would not make God happy.” I find a joy in his comment. He is trying to be the husband I need. He is not taking from me and trying to suck me dry. He is also trying to seek my highest good. I appreciate that. We both tend to ask God often to teach us to be the spouse our spouse needs. Again, I am grateful because we are seeking each other’s highest good which means we are not all about our individual wants.
The question I have is who do you serve? Man or God?
May God bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
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