April 30, 2010

Greetings My Friend,

I remember as I went back to work I would read all kinds of things about making it in the work place. One of the things I read was that it is important to align yourself with the right people at work. The right people will help you move up the ladder whereas the wrong people will keep you stuck in the same position and no forward movement.

I also remember in high school that I wanted to be in the “in” crowd. I was not but I wanted to be. I wanted to be a cheerleader, didn’t have enough confidence in myself to ever try out. In health class I learned the importance of bathing daily, washing your hair and brushing your teeth. These lessons were not taught to me at home.

When I learned good hygiene habits, I began implementing them in my life. I also felt that this would help me make and keep friends. In school, I found a crowd to hang out with. I was terrified of going to the bathroom. The kids that smoked and did drugs hung out in there and I didn’t want to get in trouble. The kids that liked me really liked me and I moved through school with a comfort level.

Frats, greasers and later the freaks (hippies) were the ones you tended to align yourself with. For me, I would not pick one. I liked to flow in and out of different groups. I went to church and enjoyed my friends from there as well. I was in band. I feel like I was well rounded with many different types of friends. I’m still like that. I don’t really feel pigeon holed into a style of people. Many middle class people tend to like me people who are educated and uneducated like me and I them.

Recently I have had a person remind me a few times that they are cool and I’m not. My first reaction was, “really, I thought that type of game playing was behind me.” As Junior and I have been retired we notice that retired people for the most part aren’t interested in what you once were. We come together now as retired, living on a more fixed income and our life work is behind us and our life work now tends to be about how to help others. To be honest, I don’t care anymore if I’m cool. I’ve had enough people in recent years reject me so I’ve come to the place that the only “group” I want to be in is God’s group.

God has held me so tenderly. God has said “Janet, I trust you and I want to you to go and do.” Learning this lesson has been precious. For the first time in my life, I feel like I truly belong and I am wanted. So being cool for the sake of being cool is not important anymore.

My joy comes when I am serving, loving, giving. In that I find a true peace and contentment. I love being Junior’s wife. Oh the joy of cooking for him, cleaning our home so he has a comfortable place to be when life can be crazy. I love when he comes to me and holds me tightly after he faces a struggle. I love when he laughs with me at my antics. It is a joy down deep in my being. I love having our pets, they love me, let me love on them and they have no complaints. I love helping J and B by giving rides, talking on the phone, e-mailing several friends. I am looking for the day to start working in some capacity with my church family.

I love Facebook. I love putting out there on a daily basis the things I’m into. I also love the opportunity to pray when someone is struggling. I begin to pray for them and each time I see their comment, I remember to pray. I am once again starting to make dishcloths. It is the only thing I’ve learned to crochet, but I make them and then give them away. Writing my blog has been a joy as well. As I write these things I realize that it is not in being connected to the right people that I find joy. It is in reaching out to those I am around and those I meet that I find contentment and I again think, being the “cool” one is so not important anymore.

I love my quiet time with God. I try to read through the Bible in a year. I also try to do a Bible study and I do my weekly lesson from Sunday school. It is in reading my Bible, prayer and an earnest effort to live my life for Jesus that again I feel loved and wanted. The cool thing is so not important.

Junior often tells me, “That would not make God happy.” I find a joy in his comment. He is trying to be the husband I need. He is not taking from me and trying to suck me dry. He is also trying to seek my highest good. I appreciate that. We both tend to ask God often to teach us to be the spouse our spouse needs. Again, I am grateful because we are seeking each other’s highest good which means we are not all about our individual wants.

The question I have is who do you serve? Man or God?

May God bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet