September 25, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I am feeling contemplative today. I have also been fascinated by history, more specifically family history and relationships. As I watch another generation come onto the scene and raise families I am intrigued. I begin to see what went on in the past and how it plays out today. One of the things I found interesting as I have read the Bible is that play of generations. It seems that what one generation does goes into the next generation and becomes more distorted. Alcoholism comes to mind. The disease of alcoholism will run in family lines for generations. In my family the disease is physical abuse.
I don’t know what kind of life my Grandfather lived as a child. I’m on a quest to find out who he was, what made him the way he was. I know a tad bit, not much more about my Grandmother. The two of them wrecked havoc on their family. It is at that point I pick up some of the trail. That trail starts with my Dad and his brother. Again, much is missing, but I do know pieces of what those boys endured.
Grandpa was a violent man. He often beat his family, brutally. He was married before he married my Grandmother. My Grandparents were married over 50 years. They stuck it out till Grandpa died. Grandma went on to marry three more times. The last husband was a calming influence on her. Dad could never accept Grandma. The last time she came to visit, he butted heads with her. For some reason, the past could not be cleared. My Uncle and his family were able to reconcile with her though.
Dad’s nickname when he was growing up was “Spike.” His anger would spike, he’d tear into somebody before he settled down. Dad had anger problems. Some part of me believes that Dad worked hard at controlling his temper. Still, it got the best of him a whole lot. We kids got the brunt of a lot of Dad’s anger. We were often bruised from the beatings. In there somewhere though, we felt Dad cared. Dad did have a heart. When he was a kid, Dad was always bringing home stray pets. As an adult, we had kids come live with us. Dad in his own way was trying to rescue kids from the craziness of life.
I grew up with a lot of anger. I’d soon as punch you as I’d talk to you. It was what I knew. It was done to me and I had a younger sister and brother and if I got punched, then I’d turn around and punch one or both of them. Dad was always on me about my anger. I’m glad he was because, I overcame it earlier in life than he did.
When I married the first time, there was lots of anger and punching and what have you going on. For me, I met my bully. We often settle down when we meet a bully bigger and meaner than us. That is what happened to me. I began to not like “bully” behavior. It hurts and I grew tired of constant battles. It took me 27 years to fully leave that life style. I dated for 3 years and was married 24. I also had some strange thought that if my kids saw me “fighting” for them, then they’d appreciate me more. I remember Mom watching Dad pound on us and never once make him stop. In my mind’s eye, I thought I was “showing” my kids that I cared. You know what? They did not “see” it that way.
At this stage of life, I sense my kids feel towards me as Dad did toward his mother. I learned in my many classes on abuse, on relationships that kids are generally angry at their Mother because she never got them out of that situation. It’s not a conversation we’ve ever had….it is the sense I get. For me, I remember that Grandma married at age 14. That is real young. Her father died. Her mother had a hard time making ends meet. To make money, she opened her house up to boarders. Grandma was in the way. Her mother would send Grandma off to live with her older siblings. Grandpa was way older. He felt sorry for Grandma and he married her. In my heart, I believe Grandma learned her abuse from her abuser. I’m not sure Grandma knew how to get out of her situation.
For me…..whenever I tried to leave….an adult was always sending me back. I was told that I was difficult and probably deserved it. I was told I made my bed, now I have to lie in it. One of the first brutal fights, I went to my in-laws. I had black eyes, both of them. They kept me over night and when my Father-in-Law took me back, he pulled his son aside and told him that no one likes seeing bruises, he needs to hide them. Once when my kids were very young, I had an awful night of abuse. I was bruised all over. I had been raped. I called my parents, they came and got me. For three weeks I stayed. Everyday Dad wanted me to give him money. I had no money. I had no job, no car. My Ex told me if I wanted money….I’d better get my butt back home. I went back home. I stayed another 20 some years.
I went back to school. I got some college and eventually got a job in the bank. Through the ensuing years, I’d think we were “overcoming” our problem. The cycle of abuse would quiet down and all of sudden it was back. Deaths were hard. Everyone was raw and often a fight would happen. Holidays were hard, prime time for a major fight. Finally after 24 years of marriage, it was over. I’d always thought that we’d be the couple who struggled but in later years we’d become close friends. We weren’t. The marriage ended.
That whole lifestyle is behind me now. Junior and I rarely raise our voices at each other and have never struck out in anger. We have been married 12 years now. I thank God everyday for Junior. We have a “friendship, companionship” marriage. It is so very hard to walk away from ingrained habits. For me…..I believe Jesus has come along side of me and showed me how to love in healthy ways. He is with me when I feel anger rising inside of me and shows me how to move past it. He teaches me how to love and for me I am/have learned Agape love.
I am sad that my/our kids grew up in all that junk. I love them from afar. I pray for them. I love those grandkids tons. I write to them. At this point, my biggest wish is that they meet Jesus. In Him, they will find the peace that took me a life time to find.
Is there someone in your life you need to forgive? It is so good for you to forgive. Is it time?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, September 24, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
September 18, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
I found some old notes from a workshop and I was reading them which started my mind going off in different directions. Some of the notes were:
: United Front
- That was a wonderful lesson and we learned this one early on.
Communication
- Check in with each other
- Love Language
Check in with each other made me think. When I was a youth advisor at church one of the things we did as we ended the evening was called “highlights and lowlights.” We went around the group and told of one highlight and one low moment of the preceding week. The last year I was an advisor, my mother was in the process of dying. Many weeks I told of the struggle we had that week. This allowed me to “feel” the pain, to share my struggle. I did not feel alone in the struggle. Yes, I was sharing it with my family, but with the teens, they were “safe.” They felt safe because they were distant from it and yet close in other ways.
Watching someone die is hard. You know that an end is coming. You don’t know when, so you try to “love” to say those last words. Even if the relationship is a hard one there are the things you want to “set straight” in regards to love. The physical care is also hard. Some of us were working outside the home, so we often came home and then took a shift with Mom. The one that was home all day had it hard as well. That one got to “oversee” the care and keep us all coordinated. It is hard all the way around. If someone got sick, that meant re-arranging and double duty.
Mom died. It was hard. No matter how much you “plan” to deal with it, there are still moments where you fall apart. I tended to do some of my grieving as I went through the process. Still the day comes and they are gone and…… Funny now…..Mom had a yorkie. She was precious. She was extremely small and medications often were too strong. We decided to take her in to get her teeth cleaned, she had bad bathroom habits. We thought that while we ran around she would be cared for. We had scheduled it prior to Mom’s passing so we thought we’d follow through. The Vet over medicated her and she died. I show up at the Vet and I lost it. I started crying. Long story short, we buried her with Mom. Junior and I were going to care for her and I did not want to deal with all that hair and was going to get her a puppy cut. We think Mom did not want her in a puppy cut so told her to get on up there.
As with a lot of my life, I struggled with knowing what to deal with as she was dying, at the funeral and the family as well. I dealt with Mom’s finances, the stress of everyone trying to care for her, and my own feelings of her passing. I was newly divorced. I had met Junior 10 months after the divorce and we were married 15 months after the divorce. My Ex was involved with Mom’s care which meant me running into him frequently. It took me a long time to not be in knots when I saw him and Mom’s death was difficult. The ‘90’s were a difficult decade for me. My nephew died, Dad died, a beloved Minister committed suicide, both Grandmother’s died and I was divorced. Mom ended the 90’s with her passing, she died in 1999.
The funeral was hard. My Ex was there. I hadn’t learned how to deal with us as “ex’s” It was hard. My emotions were all over the place. Poor Junior, I found myself following him talking to him one morning and I followed him to every room putting on clothes as I followed him. I couldn’t cry, I needed to cry and I was an emotional mess. I even found myself laughing at improper moments. I could not function “right.” To top all that off, I was starting to work through some of the struggles Mom and I had. I had shut the door for most of my life. When I moved in with her, I began to “see” things in a different light. Mom now was gone and I would never be able to “understand.” I would never be able to “ask” questions and find the answers.
The funeral home process was hard. Where do I stand? How do I function as the eldest daughter? So many things to deal with and I wasn’t up to speed anywhere. Then the Ex would be in my view and my emotions were even rawer. Everything was a blur. Junior was near, that helped me. K came in and brought me Junior Mints….such a comfort. She sat with me and talked so soothingly. Then the youth group came in. The Minister told them about my Mom. The kids themselves decided they needed to come by. In they walked, teen after teen came over to me and some hugged me. All offered kind words. For the first time in days I felt “wanted and loved.”
For a few moments while the teens were there I felt calmer. I was overwhelmed with their wonderful sense of love for me. I still found myself laughing at improper moments, but they seemed to understand that I was struggling. Those kids showed me that I was ok. They seemed to understand my emotions were raw and all over the place. They accepted me and didn’t want “more” from me than I could give.
Mom’s funeral took place. I slowly went back to being Junior’s wife, friend, lover and companion. Family struggles abounded. Hurt feelings were raw and would not go away for years. Mom’s passing continues to tug on my heart. Some days I struggle, I don’t miss Mom like I’d like to. Some of the family struggles have left a gash in my heart that hasn’t healed. For a few moments though, I felt love from some wonderful young people. That always warms my heart. Again, Junior, K, M, and other friends loved me through the hardest of moments. Those teens though…..they took time out of being a kid and came and brought me comfort.
As I end this my thoughts turn toward “unfinished” business. Do you have un-resolved issues with someone? Is it time to “open that door” one more time and resolve it?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
I found some old notes from a workshop and I was reading them which started my mind going off in different directions. Some of the notes were:
: United Front
- That was a wonderful lesson and we learned this one early on.
Communication
- Check in with each other
- Love Language
Check in with each other made me think. When I was a youth advisor at church one of the things we did as we ended the evening was called “highlights and lowlights.” We went around the group and told of one highlight and one low moment of the preceding week. The last year I was an advisor, my mother was in the process of dying. Many weeks I told of the struggle we had that week. This allowed me to “feel” the pain, to share my struggle. I did not feel alone in the struggle. Yes, I was sharing it with my family, but with the teens, they were “safe.” They felt safe because they were distant from it and yet close in other ways.
Watching someone die is hard. You know that an end is coming. You don’t know when, so you try to “love” to say those last words. Even if the relationship is a hard one there are the things you want to “set straight” in regards to love. The physical care is also hard. Some of us were working outside the home, so we often came home and then took a shift with Mom. The one that was home all day had it hard as well. That one got to “oversee” the care and keep us all coordinated. It is hard all the way around. If someone got sick, that meant re-arranging and double duty.
Mom died. It was hard. No matter how much you “plan” to deal with it, there are still moments where you fall apart. I tended to do some of my grieving as I went through the process. Still the day comes and they are gone and…… Funny now…..Mom had a yorkie. She was precious. She was extremely small and medications often were too strong. We decided to take her in to get her teeth cleaned, she had bad bathroom habits. We thought that while we ran around she would be cared for. We had scheduled it prior to Mom’s passing so we thought we’d follow through. The Vet over medicated her and she died. I show up at the Vet and I lost it. I started crying. Long story short, we buried her with Mom. Junior and I were going to care for her and I did not want to deal with all that hair and was going to get her a puppy cut. We think Mom did not want her in a puppy cut so told her to get on up there.
As with a lot of my life, I struggled with knowing what to deal with as she was dying, at the funeral and the family as well. I dealt with Mom’s finances, the stress of everyone trying to care for her, and my own feelings of her passing. I was newly divorced. I had met Junior 10 months after the divorce and we were married 15 months after the divorce. My Ex was involved with Mom’s care which meant me running into him frequently. It took me a long time to not be in knots when I saw him and Mom’s death was difficult. The ‘90’s were a difficult decade for me. My nephew died, Dad died, a beloved Minister committed suicide, both Grandmother’s died and I was divorced. Mom ended the 90’s with her passing, she died in 1999.
The funeral was hard. My Ex was there. I hadn’t learned how to deal with us as “ex’s” It was hard. My emotions were all over the place. Poor Junior, I found myself following him talking to him one morning and I followed him to every room putting on clothes as I followed him. I couldn’t cry, I needed to cry and I was an emotional mess. I even found myself laughing at improper moments. I could not function “right.” To top all that off, I was starting to work through some of the struggles Mom and I had. I had shut the door for most of my life. When I moved in with her, I began to “see” things in a different light. Mom now was gone and I would never be able to “understand.” I would never be able to “ask” questions and find the answers.
The funeral home process was hard. Where do I stand? How do I function as the eldest daughter? So many things to deal with and I wasn’t up to speed anywhere. Then the Ex would be in my view and my emotions were even rawer. Everything was a blur. Junior was near, that helped me. K came in and brought me Junior Mints….such a comfort. She sat with me and talked so soothingly. Then the youth group came in. The Minister told them about my Mom. The kids themselves decided they needed to come by. In they walked, teen after teen came over to me and some hugged me. All offered kind words. For the first time in days I felt “wanted and loved.”
For a few moments while the teens were there I felt calmer. I was overwhelmed with their wonderful sense of love for me. I still found myself laughing at improper moments, but they seemed to understand that I was struggling. Those kids showed me that I was ok. They seemed to understand my emotions were raw and all over the place. They accepted me and didn’t want “more” from me than I could give.
Mom’s funeral took place. I slowly went back to being Junior’s wife, friend, lover and companion. Family struggles abounded. Hurt feelings were raw and would not go away for years. Mom’s passing continues to tug on my heart. Some days I struggle, I don’t miss Mom like I’d like to. Some of the family struggles have left a gash in my heart that hasn’t healed. For a few moments though, I felt love from some wonderful young people. That always warms my heart. Again, Junior, K, M, and other friends loved me through the hardest of moments. Those teens though…..they took time out of being a kid and came and brought me comfort.
As I end this my thoughts turn toward “unfinished” business. Do you have un-resolved issues with someone? Is it time to “open that door” one more time and resolve it?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, September 10, 2010
September 11, 2010
Greetings My Friend,
“You reap what you sow” I have been pondering this statement lately. The older I get, the more it makes sense to me. It seems to me that what you do in life will come back to you. If you find partying to be the most important aspect to life then you will find health issues associated with that life style. If you find exercise to be important then you will find that your body will respond to that. When I went through cancer I questioned my Doctor “why me.” She told me that because I had tried to eat right and exercise, then I would be able to move through cancer better. My cancer was caught early. It was found on a routine mammogram. It was so small that I would not have detected it in a physical check. I took the time to get routine mammograms and my cancer was found early and was very fixable. Not all cancer is found with routine checkups, but by doing them. You lessen your chance for serious complications.
I believe that your heart has to be right. Actions don’t fully compensate for what’s in your heart. If you have a lot of bitterness in your heart but try to present yourself as a kind person, your heart will come through and all the kind things will be of no use. I know of a man who often would help people. He would at the drop of a hat, go to help a neighbor, a friend, and a relative outside his own family. His wife and children would not receive the same benefits. His parents had a wood burning stove. It was a gift from the children to them. This man would come home from work, go find wood and chop it. He left the wife and children at home while he chopped. The wife was an at home mother and often needed a break from the children. The man never took the children, never offered to give his wife a break. His parents were thrilled with the wood. He sowed goodness to his parents and his family reaped nothing.
When my Dad was dying, we kids tried to help Mom with the care of Dad. By doing this, Dad never had to go into a nursing home. My daughter and I often spent time with Dad. I had a complaint that I needed to be home with my family. The strange thing is, I was there with my kids, my brother’s family, my sister, my mother and the one complaining chose not to help. It is hard to care for someone who is dying. You know that soon this person will no longer be there. It was easier to complain about my duties as a wife and mother than face the dying.
God says, “Test me, bring your tithes to the storehouse and I will bless you.” One of the things I loved about Junior is that he takes his faith seriously. When we were dating and thinking about marriage, he stated that he tithed. He was going to tithe in his marriage and wondered if I would be agreeable to that. I told him I also tithed my time, was working on giving 10% and had not got there. I was willing to tithe. It was more and more important to me. We came to this marriage tithing time and talent. It has been a blessing beyond words.
I must say that I don’t tithe just to “get” from God. I do it because it is good for me. God tends to make us do things that are good for us. It may seem weird, but the more I walk in faith, I find that God’s ways are truly the best. When I give of my time and talent, I grow. I don’t only focus on “me” and what I want. I begin to see “others” and what they need. As I learn to give, I find life to be sweeter.
It all started way back when I was a youth advisor at church. The more I gave to the teens, the less I focused on the emotional pain I had in my life. For me emotional pain was a way of life. I did not know how to get away from it. My divorce was such a pivotal time in my life. Years of counseling seemed to bring more need for counseling. As I learned that I was a “wanted” child of God, I began to move from despair. When I finally knew that God truly loves me, I’ve been able to let go of years of emotional pain and walk in courage. Giving is good for the soul.
The other thing I like about my faith journey is learning to be honest with my heart. I have to truly give God my heart. Again, I can’t be nice in public and mean at home. I can’t do nice things just to try and get people to like me. I have to do it because I mean it. When I fully realized that I can’t hide from God, I began to clean up my heart. At times it meant that I needed to let go of bitterness. I had to let go of some of my thoughts. The more I cleaned up my heart, I found God living with me more and more. God can’t live in all our junk, He won’t. When I clean the junk up, God will stay and lead me and guide me and it is wonderful. God even helps me clean up the junk, if I ask Him too. As I hear and do, what God is directing me to, I find Him being closer and closer to me.
I found asking for forgiveness to be so healing, if I ask God to help me with sin, He does. I find I don’t desire what I once desired. My heart is/has been changing. I can love people who don’t like me. I can give even if what I give isn’t received. For me that is where my faith journey seems to have taken off. It was asking to be forgiven and then naming the sins. As I ask with a true heart, I find that soon I am not doing that sin any more.
May I ask? Where is your heart? Is it pure?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
“You reap what you sow” I have been pondering this statement lately. The older I get, the more it makes sense to me. It seems to me that what you do in life will come back to you. If you find partying to be the most important aspect to life then you will find health issues associated with that life style. If you find exercise to be important then you will find that your body will respond to that. When I went through cancer I questioned my Doctor “why me.” She told me that because I had tried to eat right and exercise, then I would be able to move through cancer better. My cancer was caught early. It was found on a routine mammogram. It was so small that I would not have detected it in a physical check. I took the time to get routine mammograms and my cancer was found early and was very fixable. Not all cancer is found with routine checkups, but by doing them. You lessen your chance for serious complications.
I believe that your heart has to be right. Actions don’t fully compensate for what’s in your heart. If you have a lot of bitterness in your heart but try to present yourself as a kind person, your heart will come through and all the kind things will be of no use. I know of a man who often would help people. He would at the drop of a hat, go to help a neighbor, a friend, and a relative outside his own family. His wife and children would not receive the same benefits. His parents had a wood burning stove. It was a gift from the children to them. This man would come home from work, go find wood and chop it. He left the wife and children at home while he chopped. The wife was an at home mother and often needed a break from the children. The man never took the children, never offered to give his wife a break. His parents were thrilled with the wood. He sowed goodness to his parents and his family reaped nothing.
When my Dad was dying, we kids tried to help Mom with the care of Dad. By doing this, Dad never had to go into a nursing home. My daughter and I often spent time with Dad. I had a complaint that I needed to be home with my family. The strange thing is, I was there with my kids, my brother’s family, my sister, my mother and the one complaining chose not to help. It is hard to care for someone who is dying. You know that soon this person will no longer be there. It was easier to complain about my duties as a wife and mother than face the dying.
God says, “Test me, bring your tithes to the storehouse and I will bless you.” One of the things I loved about Junior is that he takes his faith seriously. When we were dating and thinking about marriage, he stated that he tithed. He was going to tithe in his marriage and wondered if I would be agreeable to that. I told him I also tithed my time, was working on giving 10% and had not got there. I was willing to tithe. It was more and more important to me. We came to this marriage tithing time and talent. It has been a blessing beyond words.
I must say that I don’t tithe just to “get” from God. I do it because it is good for me. God tends to make us do things that are good for us. It may seem weird, but the more I walk in faith, I find that God’s ways are truly the best. When I give of my time and talent, I grow. I don’t only focus on “me” and what I want. I begin to see “others” and what they need. As I learn to give, I find life to be sweeter.
It all started way back when I was a youth advisor at church. The more I gave to the teens, the less I focused on the emotional pain I had in my life. For me emotional pain was a way of life. I did not know how to get away from it. My divorce was such a pivotal time in my life. Years of counseling seemed to bring more need for counseling. As I learned that I was a “wanted” child of God, I began to move from despair. When I finally knew that God truly loves me, I’ve been able to let go of years of emotional pain and walk in courage. Giving is good for the soul.
The other thing I like about my faith journey is learning to be honest with my heart. I have to truly give God my heart. Again, I can’t be nice in public and mean at home. I can’t do nice things just to try and get people to like me. I have to do it because I mean it. When I fully realized that I can’t hide from God, I began to clean up my heart. At times it meant that I needed to let go of bitterness. I had to let go of some of my thoughts. The more I cleaned up my heart, I found God living with me more and more. God can’t live in all our junk, He won’t. When I clean the junk up, God will stay and lead me and guide me and it is wonderful. God even helps me clean up the junk, if I ask Him too. As I hear and do, what God is directing me to, I find Him being closer and closer to me.
I found asking for forgiveness to be so healing, if I ask God to help me with sin, He does. I find I don’t desire what I once desired. My heart is/has been changing. I can love people who don’t like me. I can give even if what I give isn’t received. For me that is where my faith journey seems to have taken off. It was asking to be forgiven and then naming the sins. As I ask with a true heart, I find that soon I am not doing that sin any more.
May I ask? Where is your heart? Is it pure?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, September 3, 2010
September 4, 2010
Greetings my Friend,
I saw an ad on TV about whitening your teeth. Next I see an ad where a buff woman is working out at the gym. Another ad shows a woman who is addicted to “name brand” clothes and her friends are doing an “intervention.” In my mind I wonder if people realize that life isn’t about “looks” and that one day…..we will not be “what we were.” I also wonder if people will give up on people when they are not as attractive as they once were. Then I think about an ad where the man can’t “perform” like he used to. At that point I wonder if young people realize that a day may come where that fun piece of “equipment” may not perform like it once did. Next I wonder if people may even give up on another just because they can’t “play” like they once did.
God gave us our sensual nature. Reading the Song of Solomon is a very sensual book in the Bible. It is a gift and I believe we need to be sensitive as to how we use this gift. God created us to be sexual beings. He created Adam and Eve and then He told them to go forth and multiply. That is the way we multiply by being sexual. Now we do need to consider God’s ways in order to get the fulfillment that this act can bring. Again I find that if we are not reading God’s Word, then we sometimes will make God the way we want Him to be. Polygamy, rape, incest and homosexuality are all in the Bible. I often hear people say “well, it is in the Bible.” What you don’t hear though is that they aren’t being promoted as a “wonderful or right” thing. God actually says at times “that is detestable to me.”
I also love this illustration. God is the potter. He shapes us like we would shape a piece of clay. I always think of Ghost when I see this illustration. The potter will form an image out of clay. He will work it to the point that it is perfect and then it is set on a shelf prepared and available for use. The “created” cannot choose to be something else. The “created” cannot “talk back to the Potter. It is what it is.
God gave us a mind and we are able to make decisions as we choose. Many of us have pets. Even though they are not “wild” anymore, they still function the way they were created to be. Our cats chase bugs. If a mouse happens by, they will try to “pounce” on it. A dog will bark when they hear something. They will eat any and everything they can get their mouths on. If someone or something tries to harm you, they will defend you.
As we age, our bodies change. Once we are past our “prime” years our bodies, our minds are not what they once were. Junior and I were in our 40’s and 50’s when we married. We were able to do “man and wife” stuff and we HAD a lot of fun. Today if we snuggle, hold hands and kiss, well that’s ok. Our equipment doesn’t do what it once did and we find closeness in other ways that are mutually comfortable. We’ve invested ourselves in each other. We know stuff that other people will never know about each of us. Junior is my best friend, I am his and to be honest……I don’t want to trade him in on a new man, just because we aren’t what we were when we married. I am very grateful for the wonderful memories we have. I am grateful that he looks at me as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world. To me he is still my “Prince Charming.”
We made a vow when we married, “For better or for worse.” We did not say “for now until you are no fun.” We both wanted to have someone who is committed to us till “the end.” It is a comfort to me to know that we are that committed. It is a comfort to me to know that I am not a throw away woman.
That reminds me. When we were dating we went to a Single’s dance. Part of what Junior was looking for was a woman who would not be over concerned when he talked to other women. At the dance, he sat me down and went to ask another woman for a dance. She was tall, had legs up to “there” and hair down to “there.” She was gorgeous. As I sat at the table I looked around, hoping no other man would ask me to dance. Junior watched my reaction. When he came back to get me as we slow danced I told him. See “that girl”, the one he danced with. I said she is the type guys like to “play” with. “Me”, I am the type you take home and keep. Well, Junior took me home and is keeping me. I guess I had that one “pegged” right.
I am generally not the “jealous” type. Junior isn’t either. We believe we belong to the other one and I am happy about that. Junior will talk to other women and I know that I know that I am the one he will always come home to. We don’t “play” the field inside of marriage either. I like that a whole lot.
As I end this I wonder, “How committed are you or do you want to be?”
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings my Friend,
I saw an ad on TV about whitening your teeth. Next I see an ad where a buff woman is working out at the gym. Another ad shows a woman who is addicted to “name brand” clothes and her friends are doing an “intervention.” In my mind I wonder if people realize that life isn’t about “looks” and that one day…..we will not be “what we were.” I also wonder if people will give up on people when they are not as attractive as they once were. Then I think about an ad where the man can’t “perform” like he used to. At that point I wonder if young people realize that a day may come where that fun piece of “equipment” may not perform like it once did. Next I wonder if people may even give up on another just because they can’t “play” like they once did.
God gave us our sensual nature. Reading the Song of Solomon is a very sensual book in the Bible. It is a gift and I believe we need to be sensitive as to how we use this gift. God created us to be sexual beings. He created Adam and Eve and then He told them to go forth and multiply. That is the way we multiply by being sexual. Now we do need to consider God’s ways in order to get the fulfillment that this act can bring. Again I find that if we are not reading God’s Word, then we sometimes will make God the way we want Him to be. Polygamy, rape, incest and homosexuality are all in the Bible. I often hear people say “well, it is in the Bible.” What you don’t hear though is that they aren’t being promoted as a “wonderful or right” thing. God actually says at times “that is detestable to me.”
I also love this illustration. God is the potter. He shapes us like we would shape a piece of clay. I always think of Ghost when I see this illustration. The potter will form an image out of clay. He will work it to the point that it is perfect and then it is set on a shelf prepared and available for use. The “created” cannot choose to be something else. The “created” cannot “talk back to the Potter. It is what it is.
God gave us a mind and we are able to make decisions as we choose. Many of us have pets. Even though they are not “wild” anymore, they still function the way they were created to be. Our cats chase bugs. If a mouse happens by, they will try to “pounce” on it. A dog will bark when they hear something. They will eat any and everything they can get their mouths on. If someone or something tries to harm you, they will defend you.
As we age, our bodies change. Once we are past our “prime” years our bodies, our minds are not what they once were. Junior and I were in our 40’s and 50’s when we married. We were able to do “man and wife” stuff and we HAD a lot of fun. Today if we snuggle, hold hands and kiss, well that’s ok. Our equipment doesn’t do what it once did and we find closeness in other ways that are mutually comfortable. We’ve invested ourselves in each other. We know stuff that other people will never know about each of us. Junior is my best friend, I am his and to be honest……I don’t want to trade him in on a new man, just because we aren’t what we were when we married. I am very grateful for the wonderful memories we have. I am grateful that he looks at me as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world. To me he is still my “Prince Charming.”
We made a vow when we married, “For better or for worse.” We did not say “for now until you are no fun.” We both wanted to have someone who is committed to us till “the end.” It is a comfort to me to know that we are that committed. It is a comfort to me to know that I am not a throw away woman.
That reminds me. When we were dating we went to a Single’s dance. Part of what Junior was looking for was a woman who would not be over concerned when he talked to other women. At the dance, he sat me down and went to ask another woman for a dance. She was tall, had legs up to “there” and hair down to “there.” She was gorgeous. As I sat at the table I looked around, hoping no other man would ask me to dance. Junior watched my reaction. When he came back to get me as we slow danced I told him. See “that girl”, the one he danced with. I said she is the type guys like to “play” with. “Me”, I am the type you take home and keep. Well, Junior took me home and is keeping me. I guess I had that one “pegged” right.
I am generally not the “jealous” type. Junior isn’t either. We believe we belong to the other one and I am happy about that. Junior will talk to other women and I know that I know that I am the one he will always come home to. We don’t “play” the field inside of marriage either. I like that a whole lot.
As I end this I wonder, “How committed are you or do you want to be?”
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
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