February 26, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

The more I can no longer be social due to being a Person with Parkinson's the harder it gets to stay away from depression. I need to feel of use, to have some sort of work, even mission type work to feel alive. As I slow down even more I begin to panic wondering what will be my productive outcome in society, I need this to feel alive. Learning to quiet my heart so I am able to hear God's whisper on my heart has been a process, this time as I realize I will not be at church each Sunday, able to do as much errand running as I have been I hear myself asking God how can I reach out to give to others, how can I bring the Good News of Jesus to others. He has been pricking my heart with a few things He wants me to do which gives me a purpose. First there is always prayer which has been a major focus as I interact with others on social media. That comforts me to be able to intervene and ask God to enter into people's struggles. More recently I have started needing to have Daisy near me when I am out and about. She is seven pounds of curly cuteness, a toy poodle. Daisy also is a service to me when I am not able to use a shopping cart, by carrying her she balances my walk so that I can make a short trip to the bathroom. God prompted me to begin looking online where I found I am able to use her as an Emotional Support Animal. I now have a vest to put on her, a few business sized cards explaining the law and my need. Little did I grasp that I have ministry opportunities with my bundle of joy. Older people are in desperate need of touch, I remember learning this years ago in one of my Psychology classes, I have seen the need watching my Grandmother, my parents and even my in-laws grow older. When I have taken Daisy with me there is always someone who wants to see her, to pet her and talk. I have found several people online who need someone to talk with which God reminded me of recently as I talked with someone from Belgium, from Arkansas and so on. My work is far from over which gives me hope the source of my true hope is Jesus, my Lord and Savior. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 24, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

I am a person with Parkinson's disease, for me to function well I need to live with a strict routine. I need to take my medication at about the same time, I also need to make myself stop and rest for a long period of time usually taking a nap. With doing so I am able to do a lot of housework since I am retired, to exercise so my muscles don't tighten up and I am training myself to learn new things in order to keep my mind active. God has led me to do these things so that I am able to enjoy a full rich life and I am ever grateful. For years I have understood the need to slow down at the end of the day, to relax my mind so that I am able to get to sleep and in general I have kept up with this practice. . Days we have appointments a couple hours from us I know I will struggle to relax when we get home so I don't do much and I begin the process of winding down early. Thursday we were in Kingsport for an appointment, we did some shopping as we usually do when we are on that side of town. When we finished we headed back home, it was early evening when we got back so I began the settle down process only to find myself online ordering a special vest for my dog Daisy so I can take her with me into the stores when I shop, she helps me balance when I need to walk away from my shopping cart, is a comfort when I get a bit anxious and I am beginning to rely on her. The order process took me awhile to read and learn which interrupted my sleep. I struggled to get to sleep, while I slept my legs were restless moving all over, I felt like I was riding a bike. I woke up after 6 hrs. of sleep and needed to nap longer on Friday. I now realize I need to be strict with my nighttime routines as well. God has taught me all along and that long night was another quiet whisper on my heart of His love. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 22, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

Several years ago I heard a sermon where this phrase was used, "Turn and face," as I heard it the phrase imprinted into my brain then pops up from time to time. I sense "Turn and face," is a new lesson the Holy Spirit is teaching me, my usual response to anger is to "Turn and run." Through the years God has removed most of my anger from me, I am grateful because I got pretty adept at tearing someone apart with my words when they kept pushing me into a corner. Through the years I have learned to leave a situation that I could not handle, a first step really for learning to keep my tongue in check, now though I need to work through fear and anger then respond with a calm demeanor. I have known for a very long while that Brenda has continued to be in my life for a reason, I felt that God was chasing Brenda wanting her to enter into heaven with Him and I believe He is. Over the past weekend though Brenda and another person both hit buttons that paralyzed me drawing my anger to the forefront. I did not know how to respond to either person and I was internalizing my anger because I did not want to speak it. This time the Holly Spirit was not letting me walk away, He was prompting me to respond only I could not hear how to respond. I verbalized my concern to Junior  who promptly gave me an answer that diffused my anger. The answer was very simple "Jesus loves you." In both instances the people wanted me to hear their opinion and had no desire to listen to my viewpoint, I was never going to align with their thinking although they were trying hard to make me. After I wrote Brenda "Jesus loves you", she later wrote back that she had entered one of her "deep dark moods." I think my statement about Jesus stopped her spiraling thoughts, brought her back to the moment because the next text she was telling me about her weekly schedule and was back on track to listening to what her doctor's were telling her to do. With Brenda's reply about Jesus loves her I added "What you do with your health is between you and God, she saw that I was done debating with her about her health so she moved back to her rational thinking side. I know that I need a lot more practice learning how to keep my anger in check, how to diffuse a situation, this is a very difficult lesson for me to work on and I am anxious to see the wonder God will work in me with regard to "Turn and face," a situation. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 20, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

One morning this past week I woke up with nausea I have several chronic diseases my nausea could be from hypoglycemia, Parkinson's disease or acid reflux disease, whatever the source I wanted the nausea to pass. Often when discomfort hits me I start focusing on Jesus, that morning I found myself thinking of things I am grateful for. I was grateful for another day to wake up, to study God's Word, to be in a warm home and for the pretty new shoes I bought recently. I lingered over the thought of the new shoes for a moment. I had fun buying them, I found them on sale it was one of those buy one get the second one half off sales. It worked out that I bought some real good shoes for $25 a pair, not bad. I loved that I got the shoes for such a good price, even though the nausea still tried to intrude on my happy thoughts I stayed in the happy thoughts. I find learning how to be thankful helps me move from having an attitude of ungratefulness to an attitude of thankfulness. God helps me see all that He has given me, then in turn this gratefulness helps me let go of the discomfort, the despairs of life. I also have found by giving God the center focus of my heart I find His relief comforting the discomfort in my life. I am grateful for God's loving touch on my heart then I once again enter into the day understanding, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The nausea settles down, I finish my morning quiet time and soon I will enter into the day mainly doing housework and enjoying the work of my hands. There are those days where I will stop completely, lay low until the discomfort passes, I catch up on much needed rest, I also am thankful for these days where God is my comforter. At times like this I don't know what I would do without God's goodness to me in my life, He wants to comfort me, to give me strength in handling the pain in my life. As my discomfort leaves I find I want to get up, get to work. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 17, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

My faith has developed enough that I am attempting to make a better focused attempt at witnessing for Jesus. In the past I was silly, at a check out register I would blurt something along the lines of " At least this husband doesn't beat me," then I would indicate that I married a man who takes his walk with Jesus seriously. Once in awhile I met a person who was getting out of abuse or has been out and I would say that Jesus is how I got out of my situation. My Parkinson's gives me moments where I find taking my toy poodle along helps me walk to the bathroom, gives me confidence if I am in a crowded situation and can't maneuver very well. Somehow I have a tendency to run a shopping cart into something whenever I am out so my driving even in the stores is a bit lopsided. Junior and I took Daisy along with us on our last trip to Johnson City, we have worked out a place for her to ride in where she is safe, a little basket with a towel under it on the boot of the truck. When entering the VA in JC Daisy was in the basket bottom of my walker, an old military man saw her sitting in the basket began fussing with her and talking with me. When he saw her he could not help but talk to me, the smile on his face was priceless. Later we went to a shoe store near the VA. I took Daisy in with me, this time I was more comfortable so when I asked the sales clerk for assistance she doted on Daisy. I told the clerk how she is a comfort to me, how when I had cancer God gave me God hugs from other people. We talked about what a comfort Daisy is, how she came along when my health was rather poor and how Daisy has brought me back to where I am now. I mentioned that she too is a gift from God then I asked her if she believed in Jesus. For one of my real solo attempts at witnessing God blessed me with a believer. I am grateful because as I work out a way of talking about Jesus with Daisy as a lead in this young lady wound up encouraging me. I do have a desire to tell about all that God has done for me and I am grateful for an opportunity to do so. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 15, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

I am in Exodus right now and this book along with other parts of the OT can be very detailed with how the Tabernacle, later the Temple, laws for the Israelite's to live by can be very detailed, which in turn can be hard to absorb. Some years I skim these sections, other years I may not read them and still other years see me attempting to read each detail. On occasion I find pictures that give an example of the various in depth descriptions and more recently I also am attempting to look at the maps from time to time. When I can read through, look at the pictures and maps I begin to have a better understanding of what God is teaching the Israelite's. One lesson that comes back to me time and time again is that God is in the details of life, my life, the world's happenings etc. When I absorb that God is the details of my life I am in awe. He wants me to bring my small concerns to Him just as much as the major concerns. For a couple of years God has been teaching me to put up a years worth of food much like people who live off grid or farmer's do. Since I have little to no training with preserving food I have had to learn how to do so. I am grateful for the internet because at my fingertip's I have been able to learn how to dehydrate much of our fruits and vegetables, I have also learned how to freeze green beans, we buy meat from the butcher, sometimes from the meat packing plant and it feels good to see that when the weather is too bad to go out we are in good shape. I learned how to bake bread, make cake from scratch and in the process our diet is very good with little to no processed food. Some of the putting up of food has made me learn to expand my mind which helps me be able to process my thoughts etc. As my health has gotten a bit better one tiny step at a time God has shown me how to be active to do housework, work in the yard and find ways to walk to be more physically fit. Just as God taught the Israelite's how to rely on Him in the desert for 40 years He is also teaching me how to grow old, stay healthy and be active for work in kingdom building. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 13, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

Wednesday is Valentine's Day a day where people give a gift of love to those that they love. That is what I thought about as I thought of writing this blog. Right after that thought a thought came to me about the best gift in the world is the gift of Jesus. Lately I am reflecting on the miraculous changes that have taken place in my life, some people are amazed, some not so much. My story is amazing to me because I know where I once was and where I am today. I find that people are more fascinated with Junior's transformation than mine. He states that He has broken every one of the 10 commandments before his life was turned over to Jesus. My story is not that dramatic although it has some elements of drama. Sometimes people almost wish they had a testimony like Junior's, for me I see the transformation in my own life and I am amazed. I lived 40 years with abuse starting in my youth and then marrying into even more abuse. In recent months I have started to see that I have finally settled into my own personhood, for many years I was a wild rollercoaster of emotions, trying out different ways to be me. I do know as I started feeling free of abuse I began having the ability to be sillier, to be able to talk to most anyone. I went from not being able to look people in the eye when talking to them to holding eye contact while speaking to people. Today, I will chat with just about anyone I meet. I am grateful for the long journey to living in wholeness. I am grateful when I meeting a woman who is living or has just come from an abusive relationship that I am able to relate to her, to talk with her and I have advice to give from my own life and from the many years of therapy, relationship classes and most importantly my walk of faith with in Jesus. Junior has compassion although he does not always know how to relate. For me I am not able to relate to the type of people that Junior can relate to and at the end of the day, it is not about the drama of our life but our ability to reach the people we can relate to. Since we both have been dysfunctional in our lives we also have a testimony in our ability to be happily married. We are often an inspiration to other couples who have had divorces, who are in a second marriage etc. What our lives tell the world is that Jesus loves even those  at the lowest wrung of the ladder in life, have a chance to enter into the kingdom of heaven, I believe that is what many people see in me, in our relationship and in Junior's dramatic life of a hoodlum, biker enforcer, bitter Marine life he lived. Most days in my prayers of thankfulness I am grateful that Jesus loved the lowest of society, which is where I feel I have come from. At the end of the day the important message is Jesus is the way to God, the way to eternal life in heaven and there is no other way. Jesus accepts true hearts given to Him that ask to be forgiven and then allow the Holy Spirit to change their lives just as He has done with me and continues to do. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 10, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

A quick check of the calendar shows me that the next week is going to be a lot of running. Right away my mind starts looking at the times of our appointments because I don't want to miss my quiet time with Jesus. I ask God to help me get up in time so I can have time to write in my journal about what is on my mind, talk to God and then read the days message for read through the Bible in a year. He has been faithful to show me how to fit my time in the Word in, sometimes I get part of my journal done then I finish up later in the day. Other times God wakes me earlier so that I have time to wake up in the Word because it will help me deal with my day better. I am grateful that God helps me stay on track with my quiet time. I also recall when I was first starting to read and pray before work that God somehow made the time I had available work, I would panic thinking I was running behind schedule then I prayed, read the Bible and it worked out perfectly and I was always on schedule. Lately God has been showing me that sometimes writing the first part of my journal entries when I get up and if time does not permit for reading I can do that later when I get home. Other times God wakes me up during the night so I do my entire quiet time before going back to sleep. I am learning these variations help me process my day better. Like when I am not able to sleep God's Word can soothe me back to sleep or if our day's activity was a bit over whelming His Word read when I get home settles me down. When I learned this method of writing a journal as I read the Word of God I was instructed to write several headings, the first one is titled "What is on my mind today?" By writing about what is happening in my life, what I am concerned about I find my thoughts clearing. After I write this page I enter the next heading "What can I talk to God about today?" Sometimes my concerns turn into a prayer, there are times I am grateful so I spend time thanking God for all the wonderful things in my life and other times I talk to God about what is bothering me and thanking Him for all His goodness in my life. When I finish talking to God I am ready to study the Bible so the title of the heading now is "Scripture - What does God say?" I jot down the passages I am reading and begin to read, when something sticks out I write the passage out, sometimes I may have a passage from the OT, one from the NT and one from one of the wisdom books like Psalms etc.. After those are written down another heading is "What does the Holy Spirit say?" At this point I ask the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts, by the way, I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me as I start reading Scripture too. I jot down what I hear the Holy Spirit telling me then I move to the last heading "How can I serve others today?" Many times what the Holy Spirit teaches me becomes my answer to the what the Holy Spirit tells me. I love my time in the Word and talking to God, I never want to live life on my own again, it was not fun. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 8, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

Brenda spent the night with us this past week. Earlier in the week she sent me a text and I wanted to give up, God does not allow me to give up on her but I was tired of the same argument about why she can't go back to her house. She hates the apartment she is living in, it is not the best people to live near, in Michigan we called some apartments like hers "sin city." She moved into the apartment because her house is in need of major repairs, she has hoarded so badly that she can hardly move from room to room. She was trusting Jesus more and more then she was off on her own trying to handle her life. She wears me out to say the least add to that her bi polar mental problems can be very trying. I sent her a text telling her to go ahead, get a tent to put on her property, that would be healthy while undergoing chemo, then I proceeded to tell her about her lack of faith. We ignored my outburst when she came to visit, this time Junior told her Jesus loves her, I told her if she does not get right with Jesus she will procrastinate herself right into hell. This time Brenda was back to listening, talking coherently and she was very sober. Brenda understands more fully she more than likely is dying that her cancer is spreading although she hopes she has a couple of years yet. I told her she needs to forgive a few people, she is proud how she went off on a neighbor when he did not show up to help her. This neighbor through the years has done the most for Brenda but she is angry because he did not show up and she believes he has killed a few of her pets. Brenda at one point had 35 cats, her dog was untrained and she had several sets of babies at times the momma dog and her puppies formed a small pack of wild dogs. I told Brenda that these neighbors may have picked on her when she was in school but as an adult in her home she inherited from her mother the neighbors have often helped her when she asked, it was time to forgive them. I also mentioned to her that her words also hurt her son, Junior and I. She gets over her anger and thinks we also have let go of her outburst. Brenda sat listening, talking and this is the woman I long to connect with and stay connected to. She heard what I had to say, understood what I was telling her and when she left, I once more thought "maybe" she will finally turn her life over to Jesus. Brenda has said that her son Jeremiah is starting to drink too much like his uncle, her brother. I told her the best thing she could do for him is to begin to change her life, walk with Jesus because then he may see the change and turn his heart to Jesus. My prayer is that I am doing what God wants me to do, He keeps Brenda in my life for a reason, I pray I am doing what He wants me to do. I pray she grasps the need for Jesus. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 6, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

In a few minutes I am going to go make dinner, while I sit here writing I hear Junior working on a shelf he is making for me in the kitchen. I am excited to have one more shelf as he works to  complete the kitchen renovation, we have been renovating our home for seven years now. The kitchen has been set up the way we want it with the wall from the enclosed porch knocked down, some rough cabinets along the windows that over look the back yard. The windows are the length of the wall that used to be the enclosed porch so we can see the entire back yard, the woods off of the yard and part of the road going down own street. We have our table facing this wonderful view and as we eat we see the beauty. I love the size of the kitchen it is large and gives me lots of room to move about as I cook, bake, dehydrate etc. As I think on the renovation process I realize we have come along way since we started this process of renovating an old farmhouse built in the 1920's. When someone says a house has good bones, ours had that add to the great bones, the house needed renovating from those bones up. There was no electricity, no heat source other than an old fashioned wood burning kitchen stove and it still had a few original to the house pieces of furniture including an old Hoosier cabinet, two old corner shelves the owner had made even a straw filled wood rocking chair and a straw filled pillow for the chair. Several times a day I find myself thanking God for this wonderful home He led us to, I have never felt so comfortable in a home as I have in this one and I have lived in many different homes in my lifetime. My main desire since my 40's has been to have everything in the home on one floor. Watching my Grandmother stuck in an upstairs bedroom when she was ill and dying made me desire a one floor home, God fulfilled my dream. When we first undertook renovating I became addicted to watching programs where people renovated homes, rooms etc. The fun part of all these programs is they got rid of all the old furniture and included all new appliances and furniture. I was taken in with the perfectly renovated home that was showcase beautiful and even dreamed one day we would live in such lavish beauty. As time went on I realized that I was not a showroom type of woman, I love down to earth mix and match to my likes types of decorating. I don't really need two bathroom sinks or a large walk in closet. I am willing to work with the appliances I have and when I replace them I can begin to match the colors of the appliances to my color scheme. The longer we renovated the more we lived in the home the more we were able to adjust for our needs like allowing room for me to walk around with a walker. God slowed Junior down last spring with a hernia surgery, 10 weeks getting Junior's bladder to work on its own again and last fall Junior's shoulder froze up on him. As we came to an almost standstill God laid on our hearts to enjoy the basic necessities of a home and let go of lavish ideas. Junior has extended our front porch so that it can be an outdoor room. We can sit and enjoy a fire in the fire pit, we have a container garden started at one end of the porch that he built up a bit higher. The porch wraps around to the kitchen door where we have a freezer, a couple of old dressers that store various tools etc. God has provided us with much and our home is a safe comfortable place to live quietly with our fur children. That is what I truly wanted more than anything. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 3, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

Last week at the doctor's office I noticed the staff circling one of t he office staff while I was checking out. The staff was standing in support of their coworker who was dealing with a difficult patient. Another day I went to get lab work done at a small ER in town, while waiting for my number to be called I saw several men in suits walking around going from one area of the hospital to another area. A couple of the men nodded at Junior and I, asked how we were doing. Finally I was at the eye doctor's in the waiting area until a room opened up for me when I noticed the eye doctor walking from one room to the next, she looked stressed, her body was tight, her face locked into a forced grin. Recently I have realized that I am once again becoming very tuned into the underlying emotions of other people. Before I went to work I was able to sense when someone was struggling deeply, I had to make myself tune out these emotions when I went to work so that I could do my job, I am amazed that I am picking up on these subtle signs again. At the doctor r's office I commented to the lady who was checking me out, she affirmed what I was perceiving then I told her one of my stories relating how I coped when I worked. She knew that I was relating and then she shared her feelings as she continued to check me out. It seemed that by acknowledging the struggle I was able to relieve a bit of the stress. I was able to relieve the stress with acknowledgement, silliness in the other two situations as well. In my silliness I told the women to remember me when they faced other struggles during that day. This time around I  am not polarized as I was when I was much younger, I am able to relate, somehow defuse the situation with a bit of silliness and help the people deal with their struggle. I have an appreciation of the struggle it is to work with the public and God has opened my heart to be a bit of sunshine in these situations. I feel God has given me this ministry of compassion so that I can open up a heart to receive His Son, I see this as planting a seed, strengthening a believer and I am grateful for the opportunity to love my neighbor as myself. It feels good to be wanted to be useful and to reflect the love Jesus to other people. Finally I am grateful that God uses me in His Kingdom building. Life is good and God is great! May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

February 1, s018

Greetings My Friend,

With a second trip to Johnson City, 3-4 phone calls to the Apple help line and my iPad once more stalled in the set up application I begin to wonder what is going on. As a woman of faith in Jesus, I find myself asking God once more if there is unconfessed sin in my life that is keeping me from being able to use the new device I have purchased. I confessed early on because I ordered the iPad without seeking God's advice, Junior and I had agreed we need to get into a habit of seeking God's input before we purchase things then we went out and bought this device without asking God. I asked for forgiveness, I figured we always pay a price for sin even if are forgiven much like a smoker who asks God to help him walk away from the habit, the effects of smoking won't leave his body. After a second trip to JC, to retrieve the iPad and in hopes to get it set up I am once more stuck in the process of getting the device set up. My mind asks God if there is another sin that I have overlooked. I also recall praying asking God if He wanted me to return the iPad and I felt that He said "no". I find myself in deep prayer asking, questioning and requesting to understand how to find out what I am missing in all of this. From the start of working on the iPad I felt that learning something new is good for me because I am keeping my mind active with learning. Since God has given me a ministry of writing, I felt that having an iPad with a key board would be good, I then would hopefully need 2 devices my phone and the iPad and I would not have to replace my laptop since it died. I now have all 3 devices again and the iPad is not working again, still. I want nothing more than to please God, to learn some of the hard lessons I must learn so that I am able to walk closer to God. I have seen God's hand on me helping me get my health in a manageable order. I know God has helped me walk from total fear of my ex to a place where I know he can never hurt me again. I believe God is God and His convictions on my heart are for my good so I am upset that I am not able to "hear" God's voice in this latest lesson. I also know God is going to keep showing me my sin until I understand what it is and then He will teach me how to walk away from this sin but for now I am searching deep in my soul to understand where God is pointing out what my sin is. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet