January 16, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

Almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth I could "hear" the passage that the Apostle Paul wrote "I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I want to do", my paraphrase. I have learned with Brenda I need to parent her, be rather frank and blunt with her, she even likes me talking this way to her because it helps her to face what she does not want to face. Even so this does not give me the right to take her to church and to tell everyone about how she is a hoarder, with her right beside me, it is not funny to use put down humor and there I was making jokes about her lifestyle. Afterwards before we left the pew I apologized to her, asked God in my heart to forgive me and to teach me to walk away from put down humor. Next I wanted to beat myself up for being such a bratty friend but I recalled Junior once more, I watch him get up after a fall and proceed with his life, no long bouts of self loathing. God wants me to see where I fall off the wagon then He wants me to get back up and start over leaving the sin in my past. Brenda now has bone cancer, she has been doing very well with accepting what the doctor's are telling her she needs to do, she is not trying to over research all the details looking for a flaw and putting off getting her treatments as she has with her breast cancer. Brenda is a fighter and is striving to fight this battle as well, the good thing is this time she is closer to Jesus, willing to take her fears to Him and trust He is right there beside her. Instead of insisting on cleaning out her house that she has literally abandoned due to her hoarding, she is letting go of the idea she will never live in that house again. I have mentioned more than once if she needs to sit in the peace of the mountains, the woods she can come to our place to find that peace. We can hang out and do things like bake, do crafts even write. These are the things she longs to do yet never seems to find the time to do. Both Junior and I have a heart for Brenda we want to step beside her for her good which means we have had the challenge of telling her about the "elephant in the room" her hoarding at home as well as when she visits, I usually need to tell her to go back after herself to pick up everything she has gotten out and left somewhere. Again she wants the truth in a firm straight forward way so I have learned to do just that. My way is to gently ask her to do things, she does not hear that gentle manner of talking and responds to the more direct approach. I have worked hard to soften up my speech and now going backwards is difficult, at the same time it comes back much too easily. My prayer has started going up asking God to show me how to be firm where I need to be and gentle where I need to be. As I help Brenda in her faith journey, I point out to Brenda that even though I have been walking with Jesus for 20 years now, I still have my moments where I need to learn and let go of strongholds I have. So I start a new day in walking with Jesus, I remember that He loves me even when I struggle and thankfully Brenda is able to forgive me, continue to allow me to be a friend in her time of need. May God bless you and keep you, make His face shine on you. Love Janet