January 13, 2018

Greetings My Friend,

I decided to not go with Junior to the VA in Norton, I need to move slower. He was sad that I could not go with him, he hasn't been fazed either way if I go or not so I was surprised when he said he was sad. Junior is getting used to having someone in his life that enjoys his company, he has been a loner for most of his life. When I said I needed a break he understood and went on without me. I wanted to change my mind, I stayed though moving at a much slower pace. Brenda is coming by for an overnight visit today as well, I promised that I would make chicken and dumplings for her. We talked for a long time on the phone last night she had her PET scan, now she needs and MRI there are a lot of suspicious shadows and my heart reaches out to Brenda. This time around she is allowing God to lead her, she is not fighting the situation. As she tells me her findings Brenda inserts into the conversation that her nephew is in the hospital it is not looking good for him. He has needed dialysis he refused to have it, now the doctor's are looking to get him a new kidney. I switched topics with Brenda explaining that she needs to speak to her nephew about Jesus, even though she is a fairly new believer she needs to tell him about the love of Jesus. I gave her a short explanation of the sinner's prayer, the need to confess and then accept that Jesus is his Savior who is God's Son. After that I mentioned that Brenda's son also needs to see her faith how it is changing her life. I tried to drift back to the conversation but Brenda had talked enough about all that is going on with her. She seemed to want a bit of a distraction from the gloom of the need for more tests, that more cancer may be in her body. Brenda is realistic about her potential, about the place she lived which may behind her cancer of the breast, her COPD and other health issues. She is accepting the apartment complex she is in which is low income, many of her neighbors are drug addicts, have even befriended her then stole her medication from her. She is learning the hard way that you can't be everybody's best friend, when Brenda has been asked what medications she is on, she has told these people then they stole from her. Some of these lessons I learned decades ago, for Brenda she is living away from her home of 50 years although not far, she is now interacting with the people she has never met. These lessons are hard ones to learn, Brenda has had to learn them the hard way, after her medications were stolen it has taken her months to get most of them back again. The drug epidemic is real bad in our county so the doctor's are leery about the medications they dispense. Brenda often goes back to her house she left that is now beyond hope of repair and cleaning just to sit on the porch, in her car to hear the river, listen the birds and relish the quiet of God's beautiful creation. I told her she could come up to our place and get that sense of quiet she longs for. The bottom where she lived is a source of a lot of pain for her and it has been a journey to get her to quit going back there, striving to save the house by cleaning up years of her hoarding. She is slowly learning again how to manage her day, do housework and now today she is coming up to visit, spend the night and enjoy the quiet of our place. I am looking forward to her visit, the chance to do girl stuff. I asked her if she would help me with some cling on pictures I bought, I want to put them on mirror of crosses. We will have lots of time to chat, to allow her to sit on our porch or in her car and soak in the mountains and the woods on our property. I am glad to offer her the place to find peace in the house or outside the house. I asked God this morning to guide me as I hang out with Brenda teach me to be what Brenda needs. I love this woman who has lived a life I can never imagine. God has given me a heart for Brenda and now I pray that I can be what she needs me to be. It is time for me to get the chicken in the crock pot to simmer for a few hours. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet