January 11, 2018

Greetings My Friend

We are having so much fun on Sunday nights after Bible study hanging out at McDonald's, being a part of the church family. We are finally settling into the community and feeling accepted, I found myself reflecting on the warmth of love I felt the other night when a group of us got together even though Pastor Joe did not join us because his wife Jenny was at home dealing with the flu. On my part I was just who I am, not feeling all in knots trying to be seen or heard but I felt relaxed and comfortable. As we were leaving I felt I needed to explain part of the reason why we did not show up for an event awhile back. The senior group decided to go check out a place where there was good food which was a bit of a drive. When we received a call about our dogs getting into the chickens in the area we live, we decided we needed to spend a chunk of money on buying 3 shock collars to make them stay in the yard so we backed out. That was part of the problem another piece was that the last time we went with the group we did not have anyone to sit with so we decided to join two other women who were alone. These two gossiped and whispered the entire meal. We even mentioned we were having a hard time hearing them, they looked at us and went back to their gossiping. That hurt, the whole group found their own click to be with and we felt like outsiders so when the next outing came we signed up then when the dog incident happened we allowed the cost of buying what we needed to keep the dogs in the yard to back out. When we got home I had an email from someone I love dearly who can not get out and about like she would like. Her feelings were hurt because a good friend was backing away from her, getting involved with her grandchildren and her church. Her friend forgot her birthday, she was still sick since the latter part of December and she needed to know someone out there still wanted her. When I went to my quiet time with God I prayed about my friend's situation, then as I read my morning "read through the Bible' passages I sensed God was teaching me that as I become more involved at church to remember where I came from. I recalled once more how God taught the Israelite's how to remember all that He had done for them after taking them out of Egypt into the promised land. God was showing me how I felt being unwanted and now that I have some people showing a desire to know me more fully, He did not want me to forget this lesson. We are to meet as a community of believers, we are also to reach out to the sick and the shut in as well as the lost, lonely and hurting and make them welcome in the family of God. My friend is a believer, another friend is coming to the faith and she needs to be mentored, loved and accepted as well so I need to remember my calling as much as the gift of community and balance them. God then taught me the best way to balance this is to keep talking to Him, much the same way I have done for nearly 20 years now in my prayer for my marriage. I ask God to teach me to be what Junior needs, one time God showed me I need to look at Junior's heart, I saw such a wonderful caring man even though he sounds tough, I saw the tenderness and fell deeper in love. When we were first married we attended a marriage retreat that taught us that women need love and men need to be respected, that is how they feel loved. Now I ask God to show me how to honor and respect Junior finally one time I learned about Agape love, servant love so I ask God to teach me to seek Junior's highest good. Oh, I also ask God to teach me to be sensitive to those things that hurt Junior's feelings, I have a mean mouth when I get irritated and it can cut to the core of whomever I lash out at so I have asked God to teach me to be sensitive to Junior's feelings. These things have helped me to be what Junior truly needs not what I want to give him. Last summer when Junior's PTSD anger was getting out of control (he never hit me or belittled me) I was able to tell him in gentle terms that I can't deal with him constantly blowing up over little things. The great thing is Junior listened, asked his VA doctor for a little stronger dose of his anxiety/depression medication and he has quieted down. As God walked me through this prayer I pray He was showing me that I need to consistently pray for where He wants me to focus my heart in ministry, to seek His input on how much fellowship within the church I get involved in. With my Parkinson's I also have limited amounts of energy so I need to balance my health, my energy levels. Again the only way I have been able to regain my health, my energy is with a constant discussion with God, He has been involved with getting me away from Michigan so I could heal emotionally after my divorce, pointed me to the doctor I have, to the community we live in and now I need to keep talking to God so that I don't forget the true work He has for me. I can feel the prayer forming to ask God daily to make sure I am not leaving someone in the dust when they need me. At the end of the day it is not about what I want but where God wants me and doing my part to bring believer's into the family of God. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet