June 29, 2017

Greetings My Friend,

Junior is in the doctors office while I wait for him in the truck. We are on day 2 of doctors appointments and I am tired, so is he. Yesterday he had the catheter removed for 5 hours. We did some shopping and hung around Kingsport then he returned to the doctors office. He could not urinate so the catheter was put back on and he goes back in in 3 weeks. Today Junior sees the family doctor then I will get my new glasses before we head out to Johnson City to the VA. Junior's back is bothering him,he hasn't been to the Chiropractor since his hernia surgery. Each week he has been hurting more and I can see how much the adjustments have helped him through the years. In the midst of the hurt he has started using a walking stick. He also gets my walker out of the back of the truck when we go somewhere. We make a sight when he is leaning into the stick and I am rolling along with the walker. After I take notice of this scenario I think how we help each other do day to day life. A few weeks ago I was wondering how we were going to manage and now I see we will hold each other up. I have a tendency to over think things, get myself in a tizzy worrying about things and when what I was over thinking takes place I discover God provides exactly what we need to function. I learn that I will learn how to do old things in a new way once more. I will enjoy my life and I have a purpose. I had many years where I was able to help others and there will be people who are going to  want to help me. God is in these over thinking moments and has settled  me down through the years. I have learned to give the fear to God quicker and I dwell less on all the potential problems. Junior's back may give out all together, he may need to use a wheelchair and my Parkinson's may get worse, some how we will manage, God will provide and I am grateful.  May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 27, 2017

Greetings My Friend, My life has been lived with hoarders or neat freaks. I have helped my share of hoarders through the years clean out piles and piles of stuff and because of it I have preferred to live an orderly life "a place for everything and everything in its place." For a longtime I also lived with a major neat freak, my cleaning style was never good enough and more than once I was shown how to properly wipe a wall, sweep a floor. When I married Junior I was once more living with someone who has tendencies to hoard although he is the first hoarder I ever met that moved his piles so he could mop the floor then move his piles back to the original place. We managed to live in harmony for a long time, his office was his place to keep as he wished, I could close the door and it worked. He was agreeable to keep it contained until he retired, that is when I met his out of control hoarding. He curb side shopped which was he loved to find things that people put on the curb and bring it home. I quickly discovered the generous heart he has when I watched him wash bags of clothes, stuffed toys and other finds so he could donate them to charity. Most of those things were in good condition and could be used for those in need and even those not in need. Junior has been working very hard at giving things we no longer use to charity thrift stores and I am proud of that too. With all of the renovating Junior has been doing though he does not believe in cleaning up at the end of the day, to him it makes no sense to put things away and get them out again the next day so he leaves things where they lay. He also has a problem of filling empty spaces with stuff and our porch has gotten out of control. In the house he has his desk space where he clutters and he leaves things lay around when he working in the house although I have learned how to organize behind him. He is good with my need to have order, not spotless but order in the house. He is a gem with helping me keep the house clean as well. He loves doing laundry, sweeping and mopping the floors and feeding the fur children and keeping the litter boxes clean. I am grateful for his help especially these days where I can't do what I have been able to do. For several years now I could not find a way to clear the porch off and recently I came up with a plan. His problem is open spaces need to be filled with stuff so he lays things down until the area is heaping with things and he can't find anything in that mess when he wants something. In fact he can't remember where he laid it down and a plan began to form in my mind. I found boxes to fill the entire space which means when he lays something down it will go in a box. Once those boxes are removed I will put another empty box in that place and an idea is forming I could buy some of those plastic bins label them and then he has to put things that match the label in that box. It may never get that organized but again it may. At this point in my life I would never trade Junior for anything in this world. He is kind and compassionate, firm when he needs to be and I love him for this. His over cluttering is wearing at times but once I find a way to make it manageable he goes along with the program. When things are too neat he gets very uncomfortable, it has taken me a lifetime to understand this trait in some people so I strive to be orderly without going overboard. We have become a good team as we learn to give each other room for their comfort level. God has taught each of us to meet in the middle and I am grateful because Junior is such a good person. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 24, 2017

Greetings My Friend, Slowly I am changing my routines around so that I am not in the kitchen so much with the idea I will have energy and time to do a few crafting things and sewing. Junior has turned me onto protein drinks and I am turning them into a breakfast shake with fruit, milk and ice cubes. My oatmeal in a jar days are about over. Junior has undertaken sweeping the sitting room and TV room floors leaving me the kitchen and laundry room floors to sweep. I now need to see if I can cut down one or two naps during the day. I am not as sure about these naps. My sleep pattern at night gets me to sleep at a decent hour although I am sleeping only 6 hours which means I need a mid morning nap. After a couple of hours on my feet doing housework, I need to rest along with the rest comes a nap. When I am on my feet for long periods of time my lower back requires me to rest, the stress in my back tires me out so I need to take a nap. After dinner my time is filled with writing a Facebook page and or a page for my blog. I am happy that I have plenty of things to fill my day with at this point though I need to choose what I want to keep doing and what I am willing to give up. At present I want to eat healthy so I will continue dehydrating food, making bread, muffins and cookies or oatmeal pie. As Junior finishes projects in the kitchen I want to decorate and organize it because we will use the kitchen for the rest of our lives, having it in the order we find comfortable is important. Never in my wildest dreams did I realize that learning to live with a chronic disease would require so much thinking and planning in order to live my life to the fullest. All of this thinking though keeps my brain active, keeps me comfortable with change in my life. I learn to plan my day around my energy spikes, I learn to pick and choose what I want to accomplish day to day and how to choose what I am able to handle. Errand days require that no run days I will need to catch up on my rest and then find a way to catch up on the housework that I missed while running around doing errands. I have learned much watching Junior renovate on the house while taking his much needed naps, seeing his routines being blown with the days we have doctor's appointments, shopping to do etc. He plugs along until all of a sudden he has finished something and I am amazed. In Michigan I thought it was silly for him to mow the back yard one week the front the next, why not do it all at once, was my thought. Today I understand much more fully. Once your body is broken your priorities change. I also am learning to take care of myself first before others. I would rather be the caregiver, this is a roll that I can no longer do. I do not allow myself to get caught up other people drama, including my families drama. I have made peace with what I was, did and did not do. Life has taught me that I cannot undo the past, I can only live life in the moment so I choose to live in the present. My daily time in the Bible helps me make the choices I need to make and gives me the peace to accept my decisions. Because of daily devotion time in the Word, my relationship with Jesus is growing and the drama of being disabled does not occupy my everyday life. As my disease progress' I learn a "new normal" and then I begin to work within those limits, it is what it is. At the end of the day, I enjoy my life and accept my disability. I am not alone Jesus is always a prayer away and Junior shows me that we are a team helping each other as we go along in our broken bodies. God is good and He provides what I need not what I want. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 22, 2017

Greetings My Friend, For most of my life I wanted to get more education. I managed to start college when my daughter started kindergarten although I never got a degree. I did the usual trying to figure out what I wanted to do to make a living so I spent time learning to teach preschool children, then decided I did not have what it takes to be with 3 year old's all day everyday. When I took English 101 I discovered writing a journal and my love of writing was born so I spent time attempting to be a free lance writer. That endeavor did not pay the bills so I started taking accounting classes and business classes. These classes did help me get a decent paying job and I was grateful for this. I quit going to college when things at home became too much to deal with. After 24 years of marriage I found myself divorced so I spent time learning how to be single and turning my heart over to Jesus. After meeting Junior then marrying him I was discovering my faith deepening and I had lots of questions and I kept asking Junior all my questions since his faith is what attracted me. Each time I asked my questions he responded "What does the Bible say?" This answer started to irritate me until I picked up the Bible and began my journey of reading the Bible through each year, that was 19 years ago. My faith started growing with my quiet time becoming more important to me. I remember many mornings wishing I did not have to stop and get ready for work so I could stay in the Word. Ten years after we were married I retired with the idea of my dream of studying God's Word in depth although that is when my health issues flared so the depth of study did not gel. In the last year or two though my health issues have settled and my quiet time has allowed me to begin the earnest study I longed for. I still read the Bible through each year at this point, I also journal my time with God. I fill 2 full pages and divide these pages with headings "What is on my mind today, What can I talk to God about today, On the 2nd page I write "Scripture-What does God say, What does the Holy Spirit say and How can I serve others today?" Along the way I bought a study Bible and as I read I found myself referring to the notes at the bottom of the page. Once in awhile a word peeked my interest so I went to the internet to do a search of that word, I loved it. The other day I was at a bookstore looking for another study Bible this time I decided it was going to be the KJV because our new Pastor teaches from this version. I like to follow along in the same version of the Bible that is read from the pulpit. Pastor Joe recommended the Ryrie study Bible so I bought it. I read some of the information contained in this Bible and found myself intrigued. It hit me that I finally have found the college courses I have longed for and did not know it, the college of God. God teaches me sometimes reteaches me until I grasp what He is wanting me to learn and I don't have to worry about my grades which makes this college learning more enticing. I plan on studying in God's college of life long learning until the last day of my life. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 20, 2017

Greetings My Friend, I hear great pain in God's voice as I read in Ezra "They sacrificed their son's and their daughters to the demons; they poured innocent blood out, the blood of their sons and daughters whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan and the land was polluted with blood." God's has tears for those children's lives that were cut short, who would never grow up to live a full life, even more heart wrenching to God is that these children's lives were used to feed demon's their fill. When I read this I grieve the belief I once had thinking we were doing children a favor by not allowing them to come to life. I never could get rid of a child in my body although I accepted that it is the woman's right to do so. If God's heart is so broken over the spilling of blood for a child for human sacrifices then how much does it grieve His heart when we end a "fetus'" life so we can carry on with our own plans in life. Reading the Bible has opened my heart to God's heart and with each reading I learn to align my heart with His, the creator's heart. In recent months I sense I am shifting my thinking to align with the teaching of how we are to reach out to the poor and afflicted. In the OT when Moses was setting up the community of Israel I notice that God is teaching Israel to take care of their own in need. God has told the people to go through and glean their land of the produce once and to leave the outer edges for the poor and needy among them so they are able to feed themselves by gleaning the food. I read where when an Israelite becomes poor to the point of selling themselves or their land there is provisions for them. The land is to be given back in the year of jubilee as well as the Israelite slave is to be freed. God is teaching Israel to take care of their own although they don't get a free ride, even the lame would beg to provide for their needs. No one in the community is given a total free ride, each must do what they are able to support themselves within the community and the community at large is to allow for ways for the poor to help themselves. In the NT I see much the same message is taught to the church, which is the church needs to help provide for the poor and needy within the body of the church first. I have seen this in action within the churches I have belonged to. When Dad no longer needed his back brace and wheelchair he donated it to the church. The church then loaned medical equipment to the church body first and if the church body was taken care of then it loaned it out to the community at large. Most churches collect money to help those in need and first they provide for their own and if their is left overs then they will help the community at large. Junior and I have a heart for helping people and in recent years we have reached out to others in the community at large only to find many of the ones in the community at large are more interested in staying in their situation. As we have turned our eyes back to the church body we have seen some who are barely making ends meet that could use a small assist from time to time, they don't expect a hand out and are willing to provide for themselves as they are able to. While looking back at the church community I start to see how we as a church body can reach outside after we take care of our own. We need to be welcoming to all who ask to enter into the church body and by our example we can begin to train up new believers, strengthen longtime believers and slowly the church goes out into the world making disciples of all nations. I am sure that I have more growing to do in this faith journey so I will do my best to live as close to Jesus as I am able and to reach out with the Good News of the Gospel by the way I live my life, tell my story and share the hope I have. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 17, 2017

Greetings My Friend, One of the things I am noticing with those of us who have chronic illness' is the mourning we go through. I discovered the need as I struggled with my declining ability to walk along with the exhaustion that goes with chronic illness'. My journey to a diagnosis was 6 years or more. After I retired my health began to decline although with the passage of time I realize it started after I had cancer, I could never fully come back to what I was before I went through radiation. Last fall I finally had a diagnosis that made sense so by then I had fairly much come to terms with my declining gait issues and chronic fatigue. One way to attempt to learn about my disease was to join online support groups I was given two other diagnosis before I was given Parkinson's Disease so I joined Ataxia and Chiari Malformation groups.With each group I noticed the anger people had and the confusion. I even started out with anger with my first group CM although with each new group afterward I found myself being less angry to the point when I joined the PD support group I felt like I had the answer to my problem and that feeling of I know what is wrong with me and I was ready to get to work on how to live the best I could with what I had. I give God the credit for bringing me through all of the stages of my grief and then holding my hand as I try to learn about my disease. My discovery at this point is more often than not we are given a diagnosis with little to no information on what to expect and the main discussion is the latest symptoms then I am given more medication. I find a lot of additional information from my support groups and doing research online. At this point though I feel I have moved from mourning to striving acceptance with the goal of being as positive as I am able to be. God has always helped me process each stage of my life I am in including PD so as I enter into each stage of my disease I know God is right beside me. I have finally found a great support network here in Virginia where we moved 8 years ago which helps me a whole lot. I still would love to be involved with a physical support group for PD although at this point there doesn't seem to be one in our more rural area. I have also learned what slowing my pace down looks like, I used to rest 10 minutes before getting up to work again only to discover I was wore out a few minutes later. Today I know I need to stop for a few hours each afternoon, often taking a nap before I can get up and get busy again. These are the things I wish I understood more fully as I kept declining with my energy. Sharing helps me find that middle ground, I learned from my time in VT last year my 10 minute rest period was too short. I was trying to work with the mindset of a well bodied person in a body that was becoming disabled. Some people are thrust into a disabled body all at once such as in an accident, my disabled body has been a process of decline. Along the way I had good meaning friends try to point out that if I would try harder or not nap so much which was discouraging because I was already having that discussion in my own mind. At this point I operate on a "one day at a time" process then I tell myself "and that is okay" when I cannot do something. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 15, 2017

Greetings My friend, When we bought this house 7 years ago this summer we knew it would take a lot of working to make it a livable and comfortable home. We needed a challenge, fell in love on the porch and when the opportunity arose we bought it for next to nothing. At first we were going to hire contractors to do the work then we discovered the contractor's that were around were overbooked and many of the people who were unemployed wanted to be unemployed. At that point Junior undertook learning to renovate and began in earnest transforming our home. He needed to work, he had not wanted to retire but due to his back he had to. Amazingly Junior could do much of the renovation himself with a little forethought. He used a pulley system, dragged heavy objects with his lawn mower and used boards on wheels to move heavy things around. Junior has worked very slow and switched jobs frequently doing a couple of projects at the same time. He also took an afternoon nap to rest and to quiet the muscles in his back only to get up and start again after his nap. Through this I learned to live with several projects at a time which felt like chaos to me. I also learned that Junior will stick with this craziness until a room is done for the most part, like floors needing to be done at the end of all the renovating. The more I watched Junior, the more I learned how to work with a broken body and slowly as each room was finished I was able to figure out how to keep the house in order again due to disability. Along the way we were grateful that we were not given a contractor because the more we lived in the house the better we could discern what would work best for us.At the start of the year Junior seemed to slow down and finally he told me that the doctor said he had a hernia. A couple of weeks ago he went in to have it repaired, afterwards urinating was difficult with the medical people putting a catheter to drain the urine then they took it out. Several hours later his bladder was full to overflowing so he needed to have the urine removed again with another catheter draining his bladder. His bladder filled then drained several times only to discover that his bladder was sprained. At this point he needs to wear the bag 3 weeks before they will attempt to wean him from the catheter. Junior has been in prayer trying to discern the lesson God wanted him to learn. He believes God wants him to slow down now, and as we are having Lowe's come in to replace a few windows he has discovered that Lowe's might be the answer to getting the help we need to finish up many of the projects that still need to be done. Even if the contractors don't finish, Lowe's will make sure it is done and done right. I believe God knew that Junior needed to do much of the work and He now knows that it is time for Junior to slow down. I sense that Junior is ready to slow down as well which means we will have more time to enjoy the porch he extended for us. Last night we sat out there listening to the quiet and chatting. We needed the time to unwind and regroup and I am thankful that God is pointing us in this direction. I also see that Junior can still be busy with "work", like refurbishing old furniture, building simple tables, end tables or even boxes. I see that I could help him as well. I even see that these projects could be done to donate them to the local thrift stores so that people with little or no money could have a nice piece of furniture. We have learned much these past 7 years growing and learning along the way. I am thankful for the work he has done and I am thankful that it is time to slow down and allow others to finish up what he has started. I look forward to working beside Junior on refurbishing furniture and giving it to thrift stores, to those we see that need what we have or whatever God leads us to. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 13, 2017

Greetings My Friend, Junior went to the urologist due to his bladder not working after he had hernia surgery and 3 attempts for his bladder to go on its own so he wound having 3 catheter inserts when his bladder did not empty on its own. After the doctor listened to Junior's retelling of the events the doctor felt his bladder has been "sprained" so to speak. The plan now is for Junior to keep the catheter on for 3 more weeks and he has a medication that will help the bladder somehow. When he goes back for an early morning appointment the doctor's office will take the catheter out and have Junior hang out around the area for a few hours then come back to make sure the bladder is working as it should be. The doctor wants Junior to get a bedside bag to put on at night so that the small leg bag doesn't get too full and back up on him. This whole ordeal has been a challenge to deal with and I am surprised how we are not getting upset. I know for a fact it is not us but rather learning God is aware of all that Junior is going through. The roughest part was when he had a bedside bag and no way to secure it to his leg so the bag became highly uncomfortable for Junior. I am guessing Junior will be able to switch from the bedside bag to the leg bag during the day so he can move about easier. While we were in Kingsport we decided to do some shopping since this area is a little more urban than where we live. We stopped at the Christian bookstore to pick up a new Bible for each of us. Our new Pastor is teaching from the King James version so we wanted to get a Bible that aligns with the one he teaches from. I got the NKJV Bible because the language in KJV confuses me. I also got a journal Bible that has sections on the pages to color. I thought coloring would be fun and the lines give me room to take notes. Pastor Joe is taking us to a deeper level than I have ever done so I wanted to have room to write notes as he teaches. I am thinking that coloring may be good for me as I listen to the sermon which I also believe will help me to absorb the lesson as well. In my heart the studying of God's Word helps when we face the struggles of life. I know at one point in my life I would have taken my fear from the potential problems to gloom and doom endings in my life. Throughout this ordeal though we have been calm, somehow we know that God will work all of this out and in short order we will be on our way of day in and day out living. Right now though we slow down, regroup and at the right time life will become the comfortable routine we have developed in this home here in Virginia. I have decided to finish out my study of reading through the year in the ESV study Bible I started with this year. Next year I will pick up a NKV study Bible because I like looking at the study notes as I read my devotions. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 10, 2017

Greetings My Friend, My decline in health has come in stages and at times has overwhelmed me. Dr. Nichols has been awesome by taking my problems and walking with me one at a time to resolve all that has been going wrong in my body. When I am overwhelmed with so many issues at one time I attempt to deal with them all at once which only makes me crazy but we have slowly dealt with my health issues. Sleep apnea was the start of my journey, a sleep study test revealed I need a CPAP machine and the seriousness of my problem displayed itself with blackouts I was having and did not realize until I blacked out rolled down a hill and broke my vertebrae. I was dropping off to sleep and surprised when I woke up that I had drifted off to sleep when I was actually blacking out. Next I discovered I had allergy induced asthma, I was given a maintenance inhaler and singular to help dry out my lungs. Next I looked at my home and I began making it more allergy friendly like taking all the rugs out of the house, adding more air purifiers and such. Finally we started looking at why I was not able to walk well, my gait kept getting worse and MRI indicated I had Chiari, although my symptoms were mild compared to other CM patients. A few years later and many tests later it was determined that I have Parkinson's Disease. With this diagnosis I am no longer anxious or upset. The long process to the diagnosis has taken me through grieving the loss of ability to walk and be active. The diagnosis surprised me, even gave me a bit of fear but then it seems I embraced it. I am learning to live with my symptoms, manage the medications and by relying on God to guide me through each stage I have a calmness about me. I would like this disease to go away although I know it won't so I have adopted the attitude of "it is what it is" and I work hard to work within my limitations. I find a peaceful contentment living in the mountains of Virginia. I use my energy to keep the house in order, to cook, bake and put food up for winter by dehydrating. Our church has potlucks so gathering with the body of Christ fills a lot of our social needs. We have found a group of friends most of which have health problems are single and have little or no family to celebrate holidays with. We have started coming together to share the holidays with this group of special friends and we are loving it. All of this gives me peace and acceptance of being disabled. I read online about people going through their PD journey with great anxiety, anger and even fear and I marvel at my contentment. I look to God to hold my hand and walk me through each stage of this disease and I know the peace I have is not my own peace but the peace of God in my heart. He shows me frequently where He has helped me and guided me in the past so now I find that I know, that I know deep in my heart that God's got this. The PD medication has given me the ability to walk more where I don't need a wheelchair to go shopping. I am thankful that I am able to walk for awhile longer, to be on my feet in the kitchen doing what I love with cooking, baking and preparing healthy meals for Junior and I to eat. The brunt of my physical activity takes place in the kitchen which I choose instead of going to the gym. God has taught me to change my chair exercises from nighttime to during the day which allows me to relax better at night. He has taught me to drink a calming tea in the evening which quiets my thoughts and then the diffuser with essential oils helps me to get to sleep and stay asleep most nights. God has laid these things on my heart and in following His suggestions I am at peace with PD. I learned of God faithfulness with the other health trials and I know in my heart that God is not going to leave me or forsake me. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 8, 2017

Greetings My Friend, Junior went to the surgeon's to get his staples out from his hernia surgery and his catheter removed that was put in when his bladder did not want to work after the surgery. For some reason the bladder was shocked during the surgery, the thought is that his large prostrate maybe the culprit, whatever it has been a problem for him. Again after the catheter was taken out Junior's bladder did not work and a home health nurse came to our home to put the catheter in him. I don't know where this situation will take us since he now has to see a urologist in a few days. We also believe this may be God trying to point out something to us so we are working hard at seeking God's direction in regards to this matter. Sometimes God wants us to reach a special person so our illness maybe a way to cross that person's path. In this instance our life maybe the Bible another person will ever read, our walk with Jesus needs to be consistent and heartfelt. Others are always watching how we deal with the ups and downs of life. Interestingly the home health nurse that came out to the house the one evening and inserted a catheter was a woman who has gone through a divorce, both Junior and I are divorced and remarried in a 2nd marriage. The young woman also lived with abuse which gave me a chance to tell a short version of my story and then I told her what we learned about dating too soon since we need time to mourn the marriage that has ended. I mentioned the guideline to date a year and then to be engaged for a year so that the couple will have a chance to see their spouse in all kinds of situations. God maybe wanting us to take time and work on something special like getting a simple solar energy lighting system in place or to focus on putting in the kitchen cabinets. It could be as simple as Junior needs to slow down. I am not sure what direction this distraction is taking us although I do believe we do need to be in prayer asking God to guide us. We have faced life without me driving and found ways to handle the situation with the help of friends. I know if we can't drive as we get older there is the transit system to utilize and we need to accept that possibility. I do know God wants our best and if we need to go through a process of learning when we get to the other side of this situation, it will be worth the struggle of growing through the problem. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 6. 2017

Greetings My Friend, Before retirement I did not grasp that I was ADHD, I suspected it but I was not sure. Retirement has been a huge slowing down process for me and I understand more fully why I was struggling to keep up the pace I had always did with my job plus all the activities I once kept up with. I can no longer multitask or work outside the home. In the slowing down I begin to see how active I once was and how difficult it is to keep up with others that have discussions that change topics a lot. I see myself as I used to be in others that are going a mile a minute. I am even able to follow a conversation when others are talking. The more dopamine leaves my brain the slower I will become, right now I believe I have slowed down to "normal" thinking and activity levels. This is a strangely wonderful feeling for me, being slower and able to focus on conversations. While doing my devotions this morning I found myself watching Junior mop the floors. I was watching him and thanking God for the house He has provided for us. These thoughts took me to other thoughts of how Junior and I are comfortable with our retirement routines. I see the upheaval we have endured after I retired and has turned into a comfortable set of routines for both of us.I pondered on this thought for awhile then I was thanking God for where our journey of moving and renovating. I learned I needed to slow down due the changes that my body was going through. I had to rethink how to manage my day to day life. I no longer could do the cleaning in a day but I did need to break cleaning down into bite sized pieces each day. I learned slowing down to sit for 10-15 minutes was not the rest I needed anymore, I needed at least an hour often more than an hour. I had to admit that my body was broken and as it continues to break down I will need to readjust how to do old things in new ways. My brain needs time to process and I marvel at what this slower brain activity is. I am grasping that as the dopamine dies in my brain, not only my muscles with stop working but my brain suffers as well. For the first time in my life I understand how fast I moved in my thoughts and my actions and how it was hard for others to deal with. I see also that the more my body and mind slows down there will be a point where my slowness will become difficult for others to deal with. It bothers me at the same time I need to accept this is where my life is headed. Right now the slowing down process allows me the chance to think like the average person doses and that feels nice. God has allowed a lot of disruptions in life so that I can see how other people struggled with my over active mind and body. He is teaching me to be comfortable in my own skin and I like this as well. I am more creative than I ever believed I could be, I like that a lot too. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 3, 2017

Greetings My Friend Recently I have thought about "I want what she has" in regards to my faith. I feel if I am living my life with contentment in what I have then others will take notice and want to find that peace in their lives. My peace comes from my faith in Jesus, as I write it is 3 am and I am wide awake so my thinking turns to Parkinson's Disease and my faith. I know that having grown up with a Dad who had polio and in my marriage to a man who is an amputee I find myself watching in my minds eye my Dad and in living with Junior how he handles his life. Junior has constant pain, he is tired due to the pain and I see how he handles all of this. I marvel because his life is productive, slow but productive. Dad taught himself how to walk even though it was thought he would not and Dad lived life taking care of the house and his family the best he could. I look at both my Dad and Junior finding myself wanting to imitate their sense of "can do" attitude. With this in mind I want to face my disease walking with Jesus and accept the struggles of the disease with grace and strength holding tight to Jesus along the way. I find looking at what Jesus endured on the cross one of the 1st places I look. He prayed asking God to take away the cup of suffering He was entering into. Father God sent angels to comfort Him and Lord Jesus went to the cross. Jesus needed God's support so He prayed and God provided, with this as my example I learn that I need to take the pain whether emotional or physical to prayer and I know that the pain won't be taken away but God will walk with me through the pain. I learn to accept the life of Parkinson's to find I can be content in it. I have undertaken learning new things since finding out I have PD like baking bread, dehydrating, decopauge and sewing. I learned to "work when I can and sit when I can't" without thinking I am useless and I went back to list making to list the tasks I want to do then work the list. I used to make a new list each day. Now I make the list and work it for the week. Most weeks I finish the list and I feel content doing work. The list shows me how much I truly do and that I am useful. Praying with Junior and on my own also helps keeps my attitude positive. At the end of the day I am content where my life is headed and prayerfully I am showing the face of Jesus as I live life in a broken body. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet

June 1, 2017

Greetings My Friend, I notice I am drawn to the certain passages from year to year when I am reading the Bible. I look forward to reading about King David and to Ruth even Esther, I also am drawn to teaching passages reminding me to keep something in mind. This week I read "For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching but having itching ears they will accumulate teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off to myths." Each time I read this I find myself wondering if I am keeping my focus on what the Holy Spirit is teaching me or am I seeking something that sounds good. For the longest time I wanted to hear "feel good messages", I felt that feel good messages was looking on the "bright side" instead of seeing gloom and doom in everything. Life has taught me though we need to see the real problem and not pretend it is not a problem. I was attracted to the elephant in the room trying to push him into a closet which never works. The more I am in relationship with Jesus I desire to see what I need to do to deal with the current situation in my life. My faith teaches me the real encouragement is knowing I will make it through any problem because I am not alone and when I get to the other side of the problem I have a sense of strength I never knew I had. It is because God said acknowledge the problem and He helps me step by step. I read the Bible now attempting to hear the Holy Spirit's teaching me and I know He will guide me even if things are hard to hear, He doesn't sugar coat things. When I hear sermon's now I know enough of the Bible that if I hear something that does not line up with it I turn off the teaching in my mind. The fear that I might be mislead no longer bothers me because "I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom; preach the Word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching." I hear God teaching me to stay in the Word and the Word is teaching me I won't be swayed and my ears won't itch to hear wrong teaching. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet