June 6. 2017

Greetings My Friend, Before retirement I did not grasp that I was ADHD, I suspected it but I was not sure. Retirement has been a huge slowing down process for me and I understand more fully why I was struggling to keep up the pace I had always did with my job plus all the activities I once kept up with. I can no longer multitask or work outside the home. In the slowing down I begin to see how active I once was and how difficult it is to keep up with others that have discussions that change topics a lot. I see myself as I used to be in others that are going a mile a minute. I am even able to follow a conversation when others are talking. The more dopamine leaves my brain the slower I will become, right now I believe I have slowed down to "normal" thinking and activity levels. This is a strangely wonderful feeling for me, being slower and able to focus on conversations. While doing my devotions this morning I found myself watching Junior mop the floors. I was watching him and thanking God for the house He has provided for us. These thoughts took me to other thoughts of how Junior and I are comfortable with our retirement routines. I see the upheaval we have endured after I retired and has turned into a comfortable set of routines for both of us.I pondered on this thought for awhile then I was thanking God for where our journey of moving and renovating. I learned I needed to slow down due the changes that my body was going through. I had to rethink how to manage my day to day life. I no longer could do the cleaning in a day but I did need to break cleaning down into bite sized pieces each day. I learned slowing down to sit for 10-15 minutes was not the rest I needed anymore, I needed at least an hour often more than an hour. I had to admit that my body was broken and as it continues to break down I will need to readjust how to do old things in new ways. My brain needs time to process and I marvel at what this slower brain activity is. I am grasping that as the dopamine dies in my brain, not only my muscles with stop working but my brain suffers as well. For the first time in my life I understand how fast I moved in my thoughts and my actions and how it was hard for others to deal with. I see also that the more my body and mind slows down there will be a point where my slowness will become difficult for others to deal with. It bothers me at the same time I need to accept this is where my life is headed. Right now the slowing down process allows me the chance to think like the average person doses and that feels nice. God has allowed a lot of disruptions in life so that I can see how other people struggled with my over active mind and body. He is teaching me to be comfortable in my own skin and I like this as well. I am more creative than I ever believed I could be, I like that a lot too. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet