October 6 2015

October 6 2015 Greetings My Friend “Rather , speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who the head, into Christ.” I remember a summer I was an advisor for 6th grade camp at church. The lesson was “truth in love.” This message continues to stay with me and I find it to be one of the foundations I strive to live. Many times I hear “but I was telling the truth,” and I sense that this truth is to beat up on another in the name of truth. I heart it should be truth in love which means the same truth can be told without the need to prove your way is right or you are better. I don’t want to sugar coat life either but I am finding out that I can be as truthful as anyone else with gentleness thrown in. One of the best things that makes me want to change is when I know another person has struggled and I understand that change can happen for the better. I like it when they come alongside of me instead of lording the truth over me like a weapon. When I was in my abuse I often heard people say “I would never!” I felt like a fool because they would not but I was confused because I did not know how to make things different. I found I was able to change when I was encouraged. I developed a mouth at work and my co workers kept applauding my strong stance. Of course I was too abrasive to start with but as I absorbed how to tell others more of what I wanted or thought I learned to tame my brashness. I soon took this lesson home and started using it. I slowly learned that I did not have to tolerate things that was totally against who I was. My words were often very harsh and again over time I learned to be upfront not just abrasive. As I retired I joined Celebrate Recovery with a friend who was going through abuse. I thought I went to help her but along the way I realized I still needed help in dealing with my past. Our share groups allows each person to talk without any input. This was hard at first but as time went on I began to see the therapy in just saying the thoughts in my heart out loud. I started to see how I could begin to deal with problems because I named the struggle in a safe environment. I am a person who wants to fix things when I hear pain but CR taught me the need to put a face to the struggle that has been hidden deep inside. Inside this struggle is there in many ways and it is also hidden in other ways. By being allowed a few minutes to allow what was deep inside of me to come out I slowly learned to name my problem and it was at that point I could then find ways to deal with the hurt. I found a few friends who came alongside of me and together in private we held the deeper discussions on how to walk away from the deep hurt. The program at Celebrate Recovery was also a stepping stone to finding healthy ways to live. Repeating the 12 steps, learning a new lesson and then share time allowed me to feel safe and then begin the hard work of recovery. I saw that this method worked for all “hurts, habits and hangups.” The tenderness of truth helped me to stop and look before acting. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet