October 3 2015

October 3 2015 Greetings My Friend The weakness and shortness of breath worried me enough so I made an appointment with my doctor to begin the process of checking things out. She was so concerned I was having heart problems and had me admitted to the hospital. The good news is my heart looks good the bad news I still don’t know what is wrong. My guess is I will go through more tests in the hopes of finding out what is causing my problems. The reality that my body was changing came on me slowly. The heat of summer and the humidity will take me rather low so I was not surprised when I felt weaker and was out of breath easier. As the heat of summer waned though I was still rather weak and winded and I found it hard to come back to my new normal. After questioning myself, attempting to keep pushing myself I decided I decided that I may be entering into a new phase of disability. I don’t want to go into a new dependence too soon so I was striving to push myself in the hopes I would build back up again and this has worked in the past but for some reason it wasn’t working now. I talked with my friend Debbie who opened the door to using my walker more. I told her my fear of using it more and the potential I have entered into this stage too soon. She gently gave me permission to use it and if I did not need it later then I could put it aside again. I used it instead of my walking stick the next day at church and for now anyway it will be how I get around outside of the house. I am not sure how I will operate in the house for now but I am feeling my way around so to speak. When I stand up from sitting I have to wait a few seconds to gain my balance before taking a step. I find myself reaching out to hold onto something from time to time to keep my balance and I find I am still able to move about without an aid. I am trying to stay on my own stamina for now but I am open to using my walker if need be to get around. I have reworked my working routine to the point I work in short segments for up to an hour in the morning, lay low all afternoon and attempt a few more chores in the evening. So far this is working out fine. Today Junior and I will head to Kingsport for a doctor appointment and to get me a new cell phone so I will see how I handle this day of running. My guess is if I am tired I will sit in the truck and rest/nap if I need to and go when I can. I am learning my new boundaries for the busy days we get. Until I went to the doctor’s I found myself worried, confused and scared. Once I made the appointment, spent 2 days in the hospital the worry part of this journey has settled and the discovery part seems to be filling in. When I had cancer I remember going through much the same process. My conversations with God has opened up and my questions seem to be “Lord teach me to have the right words for the doctor’s.” I sense an acceptance and now I am willing to move forward into what I need to do to function. In God’s peace I go forward. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet