October 1 2015

October 1 2015 Greetings My Friend Fear has tried to consume me recently as I struggle to walk to be up and about and I find myself wore out easier. I begin to think on my possible new limitations and I am very afraid. In the midst of this fear though I see one small spark of hope so I start thinking on all the good things in my life. In short order the fear quiets down and I face the potential new challenges. I even find that this new struggle may be for a short time not a permanent situation. As I am walking through our home my eyes rest on the how it is decorated and arranged. I love what my eyes see. They see quiet calmness, familiar pieces and I absorb how Junior and I have blended not only furniture from our previous lives but we have blended into a comfortable couple. In my quiet thoughts Daisy barks and barks as Junior comes in. She is protecting me and when she hears Junior’s voice she quiets down. Her sense of smell isn’t what it once was and her hearing is bad making it hard for her to discern the safe from the unsafe so she protects me anyways. I go sit in my favorite chair and find familiar comfort to relax in. When I stand up I have to rebalance myself a prick of fear tries to toy with me. I wasn’t doing the rebalance act just a few weeks ago. It seems like God tells me almost immediately “It is a good thing you have been doing various exercises because you are able to overcome the moment and not fall.” This thought settles the fear that tries to override my thoughts. Junior and I have a comfortable retirement financially. I am thankful that we have not had to dip much into our retirement savings so we still have our nest egg for future problems. We have 2 good running vehicles and slowly I find the precious lesson I have been learning, I have my needs met and my wants won’t satisfy me as much as my needs will. I come back to my current thought of how much I am struggling lately to do simple things and I realize that things will change. I won’t be able to be or do what I once did and that is okay. I will find a fullness in life anyways. I will learn new ways to do things and I will marvel at how creative I can be. My will to overcome because of God’s strength takes the fear away. Right now I am focusing on myself more. I am not making the time to connect with some people because I can’t. I am not able to be a support network like I want to be. My thoughts focus on not being a burden and that means I need to figure out how to do old things in a new way. This process consumes me. I am grateful for Junior’s willingness to work through his disabilities. He shows me it can be done and life is still good. He shows me how to study the situation then implement a new way to do things and I am grateful for him. Dad even comes to mind as I understand more fully his struggles with polio at a time the man earned the living. Dad stayed home with us kids while Mom worked and he accepted this role reversal even though it was hard to accept. I can do this because “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet