September 29 2015

September 29 2015 Greetings My Friend The allergy medicine supplement is drying up my sinus’. My neck is tightening up so I lay back in the chair to rest it and the warmth of the heated throw warms me. My morning slowly is entering into this day. I have Facebooked, loaded my food intake on MyFitnessPal, had my coffee and read the Bible as I write I begin to plan out those things I want to accomplish today. I sense a calmness settling into my being an acceptance of the strangeness I feel with a body that is weaker and I also sense that my life is entering into a new direction and that is okay. I’ve spent time mourning the possible loss of agility, the fear of how to do life in another new way and today I am ready to tackle the world again. A friend and a niece and nephew have given me the pep talks I needed to face the changes that may be taking place. God has heard my fears and I have felt His comfort. Chiari Malformation is a strange disease. I may find myself unable to lift things because my wrists feel weak for months even years and then it seems to be a lot better only to reappear again years later. My weakness as I walk and move around scare me, I contemplate to use my walker not wanting to get dependent too soon and my “pep talks” has shown me it is okay to use the walker for now and later if the weakness subsides I can move about with my walking stick again. If this is here to stay I am okay with this also. Finally I feel the peace of acceptance. I see my doctor soon and I will update her on what is going on. I have decided to wait until my appointment day because more than likely I will need to see more specialists, get poked, prodded, x-rayed, MRI’s etc. For now I will wait and then I will make the rounds of specialists. Some think my asthma may be the culprit for this weakness….so worry isn’t going to help me and I will be as proactive as I am able. In the mix I know God is going to point me in the direction I need, give me the right words to report to my doctor and I am not alone. I discover God’s love for me with Junior at my side. I sense the Marine in him that watches after me, will walk with me and I am comforted too. My past life did not have this support and today I am grateful for it. As I sense Junior’s strong support I also begin to see all the special people in my life to help me. Many also allow me to be a cheerleader for them as well. This bond deepens my life and makes me feel valuable. At first I try to find the support from those that I think will care, the lack of phone calls and interest in my life reminds me that they may care but I need to focus more on those that will give me the encouragement, prayers and love I need. Real life is not all those “Hallmark” moments but those that let me know my life is important to them and they let me tell them how important they are to me. In the end I learn the true “Hallmark” moments aren’t those pretty cards but the one’s who will go into the trenches with me and let me go with them. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet