July 11 2015

July 11 2015 Greetings My Friend There usually comes a moment when you have to decide whether to keep trying and it is time to walk away. Our Friend has been in our lives for 6 years now and we love her to death but...isn’t there always a but? We are tired, we have gave with all we have, not necessarily just with money but with our time our hearts and our hands. Our goal was to walk beside her and help her learn to help herself. One day we realize that she hasn’t changed and still tells us what we want to hear and now it is time to pull way back. She is a hoarder and talks constantly about stopping this destructive lifestyle. We believed her and attempted to show her how. One day we see she is good at telling us what we want to hear and we ask ourselves “does she indeed want to change?” I love Junior because he is not afraid to confront her with the truth. If were me I would all of a sudden begin to not answer her calls, make excuses. He has told our friend that he has worked on helping her when there was much needed work he was not doing at home and we are pulling back until we see she is “walking the walk and talking the talk.” As Junior took her home this morning I could see that she was absorbing what he said and she knows without a doubt that we won’t be around much unless she changes and quits talking and starts doing. Her hoarding has continually entered our lives in our truck, our home and frankly we are tired of constantly telling her to stop and clean up her mess’. She had the truck while we were on vacation and it was so full of stuff that it was in the bed, in the cab and almost spilling into the drivers seat. He told her to clean out the truck, she removed 1 or 2 items and Junior spent a good amount of time finishing clearing out her stuff so we could buy groceries and pick up some items from Lowe’s etc. Our friend’s son has attempted to bring order to his mother’s house a few times and now he refuses to go into her home at all. We thought this alone would propel her into cleaning and it has not so we too are pulling back until we see her truly making progress. For me this is hard learning to love her and also not allow her habits to continue. I am an enabler and I get sidetracked by her reasons such as a mean mother and such. I do her no favor if I allow these reasons to continue to run her life and thus keep up such an unhealthy lifestyle. The thing is if I continue to enable her I will pull away and she won’t truly understand. As she left today I was upfront with her and as gentle as I could be giving her such a straightforward comment at the same time. In my life as I have learned to look at the wrongs done to me and then to let go let God I find that I am moving forward. Yes it has taken me years and it may be years for our friend but we all have to start somewhere and at this point she will either try or find contentment in the familiar, it truly is up to her. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet