July 14 2015

July 14 2015 Greetings My Friend I miss our dog Bella the one we had turn into the shelter because of her wanting no one to love on us but her. It still hurts and yet today I see why we needed to do this. Mindy who is Bella’s mother now lays with me more throughout the day. Both Mindy and Daisy will share space alongside of me and a new twist is Alex my 19 year old cat will share time and space with the other two and on my lap. I keep learning that sometimes no matter how I try to “help, to love” sometimes it will never be enough and the most loving thing I can do is let go. Deep inside of “me” I feel if I try one more time, one new and different way that the object of my love will soften and accept the love I have for them. After the first few signs of aggression with Bella both Junior and I started showing her extra affection which worked for a very short time and then she started shoeing the other fur children away. We kept correcting her when she did this and soon even the correcting did not seem to satisfy her and we felt that she wanted to be an only child. We took her to the pound with a heavy heart. She is on our hearts but we say very little about her until today when I realized we did the best thing for her and for us. I have asked God that she be adopted by a family that can love her and only her. I trust God has done what is best. It seems that even though with God’s help I walked away from loving someone who did not allow me to love them that this is a struggle I still deal with. I sense this is also the same for Junior since we both seemed to keep trying until Bella hurt Daisy real bad. After that I found myself pushing Bella away from me each time she came near. Finally we decided it was time to end this relationship when Daisy was injured. We saw the signs, we tried to address the issue and still things did not change. The good part is we did not wait years to get out of this struggle or until she hurt a fur child so bad that they would die or be maimed for life. I believe that God is still teaching us how to listen to Him. In our hearts we were loving as we saw God love us. We are in the same struggle with a friend whom we’ve been loving with our hearts, our time, our possessions and even with our money. We seem to have come to the realization that God is not calling us to give and give and give with no return of growth. I also see that God will allow us to learn lessons as well. He does not allow us to stay in dysfunction and if we don’t hear Him the first time those lessons will come back to us until we get it. We both have grown through the years and are not mired in unhealthy relationships of the past. We are a team and we are learning and growing, even in this situation. We have come a long way and at the same time we still have lessons to learn. The faith journey continues if we allow it too and it was hard to say goodbye to Bella enough to our friend but we are learning to act sooner than later. I learn that God wants my best and the best of those we are in relationship with, even fur children. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet