January 1 2015

January 1 2015 Greetings My Friend For me the 1st of the year calls up lots of memories. Mom and Dad married on January 1st, Grandma C’s birthday was January 3 and my son M was born on January 5th. All of these were right behind Christmas. As the years have gone on my mourning is minimal a flash and it is gone. I rarely can go by these days without a thought. Today I understand and I am able to allow emotions to come and I also know they will subside soon enough. I still don’t grieve the passing of my parents much. I did love them somewhere deep within me but I don’t miss them too much. For me all the arguing is gone and it is a relief. As the years have gone on I learned that we were never going to settle those questions and my wanting life settled didn’t mean they were ready. As I move past these memories I find myself looking forward into the New Year and pondering where the road of life will take me this year. The past year has shown me a “settling” of life and entering fully into my retirement years. I understand that I won’t be able to do what I once did and I have found a way to do life with limitations. I find a fullness to my retirement. At the back of my mind I thought I’d be Grandma C and feel so lonely and unwanted. This past year God has shown me how much life I have still to live, to give and even to share the Gospel. Junior and I have reached out to our community once more to a couple in crisis. With the reaching out I am reminded that when Jesus walked this earth He did not save each and every person. I have a lot to give but I can’t give all I have which is a struggle I have. In my mind if I am not giving my “all” then I haven’t even tried. As I learn God’s love for me I find that God will push me. He loves me enough to encourage me to reach beyond those old boundaries and to try new things. When I do step out in faith and reach out further I find a sense of accomplishment. With this thinking in mind I try hard to not be an “all in all” to someone, I can’t be if I wanted to be. My sense at the start of this year I will continue writing, cleaning, cooking and reaching out to those in my community. For me I am also learning to give as God does realizing He does not always give us everything we want but He will give us what we need. I sense I am also still learning the difference between wants and needs. As I learn these differences I find I will react to others in much the same way. The more I learn the “needs” outweigh the wants I find that I want a whole lot less in life. I want to love with all my heart. I learn to love with my heart from God as I learn to trust and obey I also learn to love as I am loved. I keep finding that I am much happier with a Junior hug, a puppy snuggle than I am with a fancy car, a designer purse etc. Father help me to “hear” Your voice and to do Your will. In Jesus name. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine on you. Love Janet