March 14 2014

March 4 2014

Greetings My Friend,

I hear Junior's truck drive up in the driveway. The dogs take themselves out the doggie door to go greet their Dad. I have made the choice to love this man again today. I was on the phone with P and we were talking about the men in our lives. They definitely have their moments. They are hard on us moments.

Her husband is OCD and she often has to calm him down. My husband is a borderline hoarder. These are hard traits to deal with. Still there is no where either one of us want to be but at the side of our men. That lesson is awesome. Each time I want to get irritated and walk away from the craziness of his hard to me to handle traits I find myself in prayer one more time.

I don't want to be like Adam in the Garden of Eden. Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit. Adam did not stop her. He did not even mention to her to not do it. When God asked Adam what he had done, Adam said “it is the woman You gave me.” He did not own up to his part of the problem. He did not admit he ate what he should not have ate.

My fear is praying to God, “look at the man you gave me! He is....”and the list goes out from there. It is easy to see his faults. It is easy to think that he could change, do better or whatever. Prayer helps me to keep my heart focused on Junior and his good qualities.

As I pray God also points out how Junior is working hard to meet me in the middle. God also points out how Junior cleans his hoarding messes. He has moved stacks of stuff to mop the floor and then moved them back. As I see these traits I find calmness filling my heart.

This past week the gas fireplace went out and not due to the gas. There was a problem with the internal workings. He tore apart the fire place. He had tools on the floor, the fireplace moved to the middle of the room and an obstacle course for me to walk around. My heart kept saying “You know I struggle getting around this stuff, with the stumbling I have been doing.” I want to get my “justified” anger going. Instead I talk to God.

God takes me through more of Junior's good qualities. He is generous. He is at my side as I deal with health issues. He works with me and in short order I let go of my irritation. I find myself grateful for the times Junior accepts my strange to him ways. He tolerates my fidgeting, my changing subjects every few seconds and the list goes out from there.

Once more I realize that I have my hard to handle ways in life and to be intolerant of Junior's hard to handle ways is not right. If he accepts mine then I need to accept that in this sin filled world he will have his hard to handle ways. Junior has always handled my hard to handle ways with grace.

I keep learning this lesson from Junior, to attempt to accept him for the man he is. He accepts me for the woman warts and all that I am. As I work through this process again I find that I am grateful for Junior's patience and love. To me Junior sets the standard for our relationship. I appreciate his style of acceptance so much.

I am always thankful to God for teaching me to love my husband where he is at in life. I am thankful that God often talks to Junior's heart and Junior often will make changes in his way of dealing with life. I have seen Junior meet me half way so often. He won't allow his hoarding to take over our living space. Our out buildings on the other hand......yup they are piled high. At least it is not something I have to look at day in and day out. Since I rarely go in those buildings I find myself accepting this mess. He has his need filled and I have mine filled.

In my heart I also believe that as we finish renovating he will work at weeding these buildings out. For now though they are his refuge. Junior understands his area of weakness and in time I believe in my heart he will get better.

In the meantime our home is taking shape and I am enjoying the fruit of his labor. I try to meet his needs by keeping our home neat and not overly so. He does not like a spotless home. I try to make him meals to eat so that he has to heat them up when he is ready to eat. I am there to sit and listen when he needs to think about a project.

The more I am in this faith journey the more I learn how to love, to be loved. It is awesome if you ask me. The angry woman of years ago does not do anger these days. The control freak of another lifetime is gone because I know my needs are being met overall. Again I believe it isn't what I've done or Junior has done it is what God has done. By listening to God we grow and learn.

May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you.

Love

Janet