November 18 2013

November 18 2013 Greetings My Friend, "Submit one to another, Husband's love your wives, wives respect your husband." Those verses keep floating around my brain. We again heard some of those at our Bible study last night. For me they help guide me to be the wife Junior needs. For the longest time I thought I had to love Junior. I wanted to give him my woman's love like I wanted only to find out that Junior needs respect which translates into love to him. I do need the tender touch, the listening ear and the opportunity to talk. When I have these things I feel loved beyond measure. Since I like these things I tend to think that a man would want them as well. As I read scripture....I find again that men are not the same as women only with different body parts. Nope they are a creature onto themselves. Not at all like a woman in any sense of the imagination. As I continue to pray for my marriage I find a need to keep asking God what respect looks like. I am clueless when I am giving Junior respect or when I am disrespecting him. In the asking I find God teaching me to give Junior what he needs. To me respect is telling him what a stud muffin he is or such. In reality he loves it when I notice and appreciate his talents or his acts of generosity. He does like me mentioning that he has wonderful muscles but to him that is low on the wants list. Junior worked hard when he was a working man. He worked two jobs at times along with going to school so he could support his family. These days in retirement Junior is fixing on our new to us home. Sometimes he comes and gets me and says "see what I made." I tag along to look at his handiwork and I am generally amazed at his latest creation. I can tell he has put a lot of thought into it as well. It will be just right for me. He knows my needs and my likes and strives to make things "just" for me. I love that in Junior. Junior's face beams as I let him know that I love his creation. Other times Junior likes it when I notice his intelligence. He likes that I see a very smart man inside of him. Junior has been the outcast for most of his life. People have not appreciated his abilities and have put him down a whole lot so my noticing his attributes gives him confidence in himself and what he is doing. When we were first dating I often mentioned things that I found attractive about his body. His face beamed, these days Junior does not need me to tell him as often about how I love his looks. He usually says "I know" when I tell him how handsome he is. He believes me so the compliment isn't necessary. He'd rather hear some other compliment and at that point I tend to feel at a loss as to what he needs from me. Again prayer helps me. Sometimes I do something so small in my mind but Junior loves it to the point of his face is beaming. I believe God will often put on my heart to do something and as I listen and do it I am touching Junior in a special way. On my own I would not have known to do that but being sensitive to God's direction seems to help. I also have learned that men are gruff. They often greet each other with "Hi ugly." If a woman said that to me I'd be hurt beyond measure but men find it acceptable. Sometimes Junior's speech is a bit hard to swallow. Through the years as I have struggled with Junior's demeanor God has taught me to look at Junior's heart. When I do I see a very tender caring man. That is what I love about this man. He is tender and he cares for animals, people the like. It amazes me. As I realize what a tender heart he has I have learned to look past the blustering roughness that comes out of his mouth. I know also that some of the blustering is to look strong and not care and as I understand this I don't tend to get offended. People who want to control others tend to like me. I tend to allow others to have their way for the most part. If it is immoral I will pull back. I think a life of abuse has taught me that I truly don't care if others are in charge. It was hard hearing that Junior tends to want to manipulate me. A friend has mentioned that to me from time to time and I never could see it. Then when I met my cousin she made the same comment. Right away she said that I did not seem to mind it. I pondered for a long time about this quirk in my personality. I do tend to have an opinion and will share it. If someone else wants to take a lead I tend to let them. Gone are the days where I want control in every area of life. I think I got tired of others forcing their agenda on me and I just let them do what they will. I asked God about this several times and I kept going back to when I asked God if I should marry Junior. God told me to go and not look back. As I realize how much I've enjoyed my marriage I begin to relax and realize Junior wants to be the "man" in our marriage. He has not had a lot of chances to lead and by letting him manipulate me where I don't care, that is ok. When I do put up a fuss, Junior will take my concerns to heart. He has changed his thinking a few times and so I realize that I feel safe with Junior even if he wants to lead the way. Part of our marriage is reaching out to the other one in ways neither of us has been reached out to prior to our getting together. As I ponder on that I find that it is ok. I love him. He is the one who holds me when I cry. He is the encourager I had always wanted. He doesn't mind me writing. He has encouraged me to write from the start when I'd leave him a note each night for when he got home from work while I was still at work. I read all my writings to Junior to get the "male" filter as I reach out to others. He helps me stay on track as far as scripture goes as well. He hears my love also in the writing. I am not writing letters these days like when we worked. He still hears the love of those letters as I read him my writings. So the question I toyed with goes to rest again. I am comfortable letting Junior be what he needs. It does not belittle me and I again see the tender caring man that Junior really is. We are a fallen people in a fallen world and it is what it is. May God bless you and keep you make His face shine on you. Love Janet