November 13 2013

November 13 2013 Greetings My Friend, This woman has a new found energy level she has not seen in years. It appears that I am low in vitamin B 12. Now that I have been on this supplement for a few days I find myself able to do a lot more. I am still an older woman but my energy level is way better. I still need to work at things throughout the day and so far not all in one sitting like my younger years. The list of things I want to enter into is growing and for the first time in years I feel that it will be possible to do them, again in a measured fashion. Junior is enjoying my energy level as well. Life feels real good. Mindy is a puppy and her chewing is wearing on me. We keep giving her chew bones and such which helps. I can’t wait till we get back to VA because her bigger sisters and brothers will entertain her and we can snuggle as she quiets down. I am a good snuggle bunny. Junior is starting the shampoo rugs process and the used carpet cleaner or so we thought is not one it is for hardwood floors. He is going to rent a shampooer and check to see if the repairman is coming to fix the water heater. I am also finding my concentration level is increasing. That means I may be reading books again, I am able to work through learning how to do more on the computer and on my smart phone. That will mean I can learn like I love to do once more. Happy “me.” I find myself being thankful once more. I am lifting up my thanks to God throughout the day more and more. I am thankful for more energy, for Junior as he pushed me around in a wheel chair (before the B vitamins) for loving dogs, for the work progress that is getting done and the list goes on and on. When I was first divorced I began a thankful journal and I marveled at how much it really helps. At this point I offer my thanks to God for each and everything. Back then I was just thankful not understanding that God gives us all good things. These days I tend to accept that my life is where it is because I am attempting to give my whole being back to God. As I learn how to turn more and more over to God I find that life settles. I find when I am in a struggle I also don’t panic like I once did. Down deep inside of me I know “that this too shall pass.” On the other side of the struggle I will look back with awe at what I accomplished. Again it is God guiding me it is not what I’ve done on my own. As I look back the last 16 years or so to when I earnestly began this faith journey I am amazed at the changes within me, I don’t get angry at the drop of a hat. I can interact with men without fear. I don’t enter into angry thoughts, dirty thoughts like I once did. When they do arise I tend to ask God to take the thought away and in short order it is gone. I continue to see that a faith walk is not a competition with “others” it is a journey of me growing in the Lord. Gone are the days where I want to consistently compare my progress with those I admire. I am not made like them so I need to quit comparing myself. As I quit the comparing myself to others I find myself comparing myself to myself. I see progress and progress always gives me hope. A faith journey has given me “hope” as well. That hope seems to drive me to get up and face the day, to go out into the world when I’d rather hole up at home and give up on humanity. That feeling of “hope” is what I sense as I pray each day. As I pray I see in my mind’s eye the woman at the well. She was married 5 times I think and was living with a man outside of marriage when Jesus encountered her at the well. Jesus told her He was “living water” and that through Him she would find life……good. (My words) I also see the woman caught in adultery and brought to Jesus. The law was if a man and woman were caught in adultery that they both should be stoned to death. The religious leaders did not bring the man only the woman. Jesus bent down and was writing in the sand. He told them that those who never sinned could be the first ones to cast the stone. In short order they were all gone. Jesus then told the woman to “go and sin no more.” I also see Mathew who was a tax collector in the crowd of people as Jesus walks by. He is excited to see Jesus and he is real short so he climbs a tree to get a better look. Tax collectors back then were not liked at all. They were regarded as a low person of character. Jesus looks up at Mathew and asks to be taken to his house. At his house Matthew declares his belief and is willing to pay back to all he cheated a measure of what was taken. I see hope even in this. As I feel “hope” I begin to see the gifts God is giving me. More often than not the gifts are not of monetary value. It is Junior giggling at one of my antics. It is Junior pushing me in a wheel chair when my energy level has drained right out of me. It is Mindy and Daisy lying at my side as I write. It is our house in VA and our move there. It is the chiropractic pillow I sleep on and realizing how much it helps my neck pain. The list goes on and on. Each day I find myself lifting up “thank you’s” to God. The more “thank you’s” I lift up the less I see what I don’t have and I begin to truly enjoy what I do have and where I am that day. I find myself not grieving the relationships I long for. I long for them but somewhere inside of me I know that God is working on that as well. I wait on God and at the right time I will see forward movement in those longings. Where is your hope? Is it in possessions? Is it money? Is it a relationship? May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet