November 11 2013

November 11 2013 Greetings My Friend, A and Junior are out having a Father/Daughter time. I stayed home to work on things at the house in MI. A friend from the neighborhood is stopping by later for a visit. Our week continues to be a combination of work and catching up with friends and family. The interesting fact is we are able to organize our time while here. I did not have time before we left since we got the call one day and left the next. Generally a week or so before we leave I try hard to contact people and plan out our week. This time I did not have time. Our two toy sized dogs are doing great as well. The baby is still making potty messes in the house but slowly she is learning. The nice thing out here is I can open the back door and let them out into a fenced in yard. I don’t have to sit out there and watch for mishaps from predators. My sleep pattern is all over the place. Last night it was 4:00 am before I could get to sleep. The vitamin b 12 is helping me focus a lot more and the energy level is awesome. I am doing more and I also find that my cognitive fog is lifting and I am able to work through stuff on the computer and my smart phone on my own without having a person walk through each step with me. I still don’t have hot water. I want a bath so bad and cold water isn’t my idea of fun. When the gas was turned off due to nonpayment the flame on the heater goes out and many times a part needs to be replaced. We are having a dickens of a time finding that part. We may need to buy a new heater….we will see. Visiting with my niece and her family last night was real nice. This is the niece that lived with us for about a year so she feels more like a daughter than a niece. Her boy is now 6 years old. Where has the time gone? I stop writing for a bit. I look at the room, at the dogs on the bed where I am at and soak in the quietness of an empty house and no one but me to talk to. I enjoy the quiet really. I again remember. I remember when we first moved here. I think about many things we did in this house and I remember our grandchildren spending the night here. The memories for the most part are pleasant. Lately my mind seems to go into remember when mode a lot. Prior to my divorce most of my memories were painful and I wanted to let go so often and found it hard to let go. This year for some reason I seem to keep going back to “remembering” in the Bible. As I read the Psalms I keep learning about remembering. As I read the OT especially I hear the Scripture passages telling the story of Egypt where Moses went to Pharaoh and said “Let my people go.” As they left Egypt I begin to see the start of the “remember” game. I see it also as the people take over the land and live there. They go in and out of a close walk with God. They then begin adding those stories to the overall story of how they came into being as a nation. I also see it being used as part of retelling the story of my own life and that of our children’s young lives. Even as they became parents and such I see the “remember” moments come to life again and again. As a child I was not trained to see the “good” with the “bad.” When life was real hard we tended to hear “polio” listed as the reason why we were struggling so much. As I have gotten older and looked back I begin to see that “yes” polio was a rough life. I believe that for most of my growing up years putting food on the table and keeping a roof over our heads was more important than the nurturing small children need. I also can see where the dysfunction began to take over as well. Dad’s growing up was worse and frankly Dad was often still that 14 year old in his thinking. Dad left home at age 14 and in my heart I think that is where he started growing up and at times never moving past that age. My faith journey with Jesus has helped me move out of the “ain’t that awful” mode of thinking and to let it go all together. Yes I have the memories but the pain, the anger is gone now. My faith walk has been a journey from the start. I continue on this journey to this day. I have things I need to work out still and I also know God will be beside me helping me through each step. I hear again in my mind’s eye “be holy because I am holy” I have spent time pondering the word “holy”. From what I can discern “holy” means set apart. This has become a theme I explore in my prayers. As I reflect on “Christians” being “holy” I can see the “set apart” piece fairly well. As we have struggled with the renter this week and the missing things we have found ourselves in prayer to accept this renter’s lack of respect. He did come by and we met him for the first time. He was looking for some mail that may have been delivered. He was very friendly and we asked him questions and he seemed to have answers. We found ourselves “believing” him. After he left though we started putting 2 and 2 together and his responses did not make sense. We talked with our agent and he wants to take this guy to small claims court. We are inclined to proceed with this process. We have given this situation to God. We are trying as hard as we can to let go of our personal thoughts and are trying to “hear” God’s direction. As we listen and apply what we believe God is having us do I know that God’s way will be perfect. We will have peace. We will accept the outcome whatever it is. We will also remember this down the road and will have learned a valuable lesson. Are you listening to God? May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine on you. Love Janet