September 2, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Today is another stop and remember day. Today Little Brother would be 58 if he were still alive. It is sad and then I begin to move out of the memory of him. The dogs are asleep after feasting on a chew bone we gave them. Junior is talking to a Marine Corp buddy and I am sitting in the entry way soaking up the quiet. I feel a nap trying to come on and I am not sure if the nap will win out. J went home for a few days. We took him to the bus stop which is in the grocery store parking lot so we did our grocery shopping while we were there. There is something comforting listening to Junior talk to his buddy from forever ago. Sometimes I hear stories of the war, sometimes they talk about their children. There are moments talking about politics as well. For me it is soothing to hear him talk. Junior works hard on the house and when he slows down and visits with a friend I find it precious. Junior discovers that I am in ear shot so he makes fun of me. It is cute, he isn’t mean but he does tease me. I like that too. Almost daily I find myself being in awe of this man’s love for me. He truly does love me and wants stay with me and for some reason I can’t completely absorb his love. I am grateful; I am deeply in love with him as well. My love for Junior grew leaps and bounds when we were with our grandchildren a while ago. He left the game to find a gazebo so the players could have shade as they sat on the bench. He bought a long one in place of the two short ones they had. As Junior kept sitting between two of them watching the game he kept thinking the sun was a bit much and that the girls needed complete shade. So off Junior went to buy one and did. Sometimes I get extra silly and when Junior found me being sillier than normal he brought me my supplements to help quiet my mind down. As I struggled in the heat he would have me go sit in the car with the air on. My husband wanted what I wanted and I find that so precious. He loves the grandchildren as if they were his own flesh and blood. That feels real nice as well. He does not try to be a “Dad” to my children because they have a “dad.” He tries to be friends with my children and I am thankful. I try to be a friend to his daughter as well. To me she is his child and I love her because she is his. I am ever so grateful for the classes our church put on for the remarried. In them I learned that we needed to stand united which was not something I did in the last marriage. I am very likely to try to be sales person’s friend so I have learned to walk away when Junior is negotiating. When my children ask for money I will talk to Junior first before I automatically hand them money. The money we have is our money so it is a shared moment for us. Junior does the same with me. We even have set dollar limits on how much we spend when we are not with each other. If it is more then I ask Junior and for the most part I can get it. He also will talk to me when he wants to spend more than our agreed upon limit. It works real nice. Junior is sweet. Each week he goes to the bank and brings me my spending money for the week. I can do whatever I want to with this money and he does whatever he wants with his spending money. We learned this too in our remarried class. I am ever grateful for these classes because I did not know these simple things that help us stay in tune with each other. We learned that we needed to love our spouse’s children and as we have learned to love them we have grown closer together. I want the best for his child and he wants the best for my children and grandchildren. Junior’s daughter lived with us when we first were married. Their family allowed her to sleep on the couch at night. I found it hard to have a body in the room as I woke up and did my morning while she slept because she was a night owl. It was not something I allowed my children to do. I wanted to get all fussy with him about this habit. I did not and am grateful that I did not nag him about this strange to me habit. We realized that we tended to have the same morals and goals but at times we arrived at them in a very different format. We learned to celebrate holidays together. Junior was used to being alone on the holiday and I was used to having a house full of people. We found that we often were left alone and to be honest I have learned to be comfortable being alone. After 15 years of marriage at this point we tend to have blended our lives fairly nicely. We have figured out the areas of disagreement and have dealt with our differences. Junior works on multiple projects at one time. It drives me up a wall. As I take this affliction to God I find myself learning to accept his strange to me ways and frankly I am ok with his erratic behavior to me. Junior tolerates my changing a subject every few seconds. He tolerates me having very hyper moments. It has been a lot of work to blend the way we lived in the past and set up a new way as a couple but again I find contentment. I believe in my heart that learning to take my struggle to God has taught me to be more flexible and tolerant. It is a comfort that I don’t have a need to fight to be right. So in learning to accept Junior as he is and not trying to change him I find that life is sweet and he truly does not need to be fixed. I like that a lot. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet