August 31 2013

August 31, 2013 Greetings My Friend, We are home from church and Sunday school. We had a Hardee’s lunch and now it is time to relax and regroup. I took Daisy outside and she was glad for that opportunity. We are truly becoming friends and she trusts me and yup I like that a lot. We took Daisy to the street fair we went to yesterday and several people told me how cute she was and I felt like a young mother again all proud of my child. I take Daisy out several times throughout the day and I feed her as well. These routines are helping me out a bunch. At times I feel less stable than I was a few short weeks ago. I keep tripping rather easily. I’ve decided to use the can in the house now. I wasn’t using it but the more I trip I realize I need it at home as well. I even take to bed at night and place it near the bed so when I get up at night I can rely on that. For the longest time I was holding onto the edge of the bed or the wall was my stabilizer. At this point I believe using the can should help me. Junior is a clutter bug. He does not feel safe with a spotless home. I mentioned about how much I am tripping and that maybe some clutter needs to cut from our home. He did not understand and at this stage I understand that he doesn’t get it. Years ago I would have pitched a fit and insisted on my way but now I find that I can use the cane and stay stable and well it is not worth a huge fight to get what I want. One of the hardest things I have had to learn is that Junior does not see a mess like I see a mess so he can’t clean things to my standard. Is he insensitive? No, not really. I have learned that Junior’s heart is a generous kind heart and that sometimes we can’t see what other’s see. Because Junior tries to meet me half way on most things I find I can work around things that he can’t see. He lets me have my quirks as well and again it isn’t worth a fight. After he finished building the cabinet in the hallway he cleaned up the front entry way real nice. He vacuumed the floors, put away the things that belongs on the new cabinet and in general picked up the room rather nicely. I saw him trying to meet my standards and I found myself appreciating him again. To be honest at times I do believe I am getting more unstable. I can be upset and get depressed or I can learn how to handle the unstable moments and move on. I like the second idea better. Right now Junior is hooking up the DVD player for me so I can start using my exercise tapes soon. I needed to sew something on the sewing machine yesterday and I can’t see the needle so Junior threaded the needle for me. When we went to the street fair in town yesterday he had me sit down since the weather was so hot. I get sick and he made sure I stopped and rested before we continued on. So Junior can’t see a mess and isn’t concerned about cleaning it up…..I can deal with this. At times I sense Junior is watching me in a protective way. He may not say anything but he is taking in the situation and when the time comes for me to move into a different direction he will guide me toward that end. To be honest that feels nice. I find myself watching out for Junior as well. I’d like to fuss at him about doing too much. I don’t though because he does not want to be fussed over. When he says he hurts I don’t insist he do more. I encourage him to take his naps. I like learning to be what Junior needs more than giving him what I think he needs. The only way I can do this is to have a consistent conversation with God and asking God to guide me to be what Junior needs me to be. Junior has the kitchen, a new deck to add onto the new old deck he just built. First he had to shore up the foundation so it would not collapse. He has our master bedroom he needs to do. He is running out of steam and we are looking to see if we can get hired help to help him finish up these last projects. Since the people in this area don’t seem to work much we will seek help in TN which is a couple hours from our home. Here in VA we could not get people to give us an estimate much less do the work Junior has enjoyed putting his mark on our home. Now though he needs to slack off. That is ok. Even if we hire the rest to be done he will still have his mark on the work by the requests he makes as to how it is done. Junior has had some outstanding ideas and I love them so much. He has made this place just what we need and it is awesome. To me our home is so comfortable. I don’t want to live anywhere else but here for as long as we can. That is such a nice feeling to be honest. Not only has Junior made great improvements throughout the house I continue to find I don’t want to be with any other man but him. We enjoy watching out for each other. It feels nice to be wanted. Before Junior came into my life I was never sure I was wanted and now I feel wanted every day. Thank you Lord! May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet