August 10, 2013 Greetings My Friend, At one point in my life I was on top of my schedule. I kept a calendar in my purse and when I got home I would write it on the wall calendar as well. These days I have a smart phone instead of a pocket calendar and I somehow can’t get my schedule out there. Junior went to the doctor this week and needs to see several other doctors. I put them on the wall calendar and guess what? I wrote them on the wrong dates. He has a new appointment today for an ultra sound on his carotid artery and discovered my goof up. I was on the phone with a friend and we got to talking. It seems like being older means our “job” these days is going from one doctor appointment to another. My friend and her husband have serious health issues. Her 86 year old Dad has many appointments that he needs to go to and she goes along with him on his appointments as well. She and her family tend to be gone several days a week anymore just to go to the various doctor appointments. Again I am grateful to be retired. Again I am grateful to move at a slower pace with housework and my life in general. I can make appointments for early afternoon so if I happen to sleep late I won’t miss an appointment. I need an hour to get functioning in the morning. Gone are the days where I roll out of bed and start running. I can’t. Even thinking through tasks has its challenges. I often find myself confused about something rather simple. I lose track of things more often and I find myself asking God to show me where I left something like my cell phone, my needles or such. More often than not God will open my eyes to where I laid things and I am so grateful. For a long time I wanted to pray more. For years I could cover all my prayers in bed as I went to sleep and woke up. As my sleep pattern settled down I started praying in my comfy chair. I wanted to pray more and I am realizing I am. My hyper ways can be a challenge to Junior. When we travel sometimes I want to talk and talk and talk some more. Sometimes I see his eye glaze over and I realize I am bombarding him with all my words. Lately I find myself chatting with God about mundane things just to chat with someone. I tell Junior often that I take my chatter to the Lord and he always thanks me. In recent years I have learned when I see an accident or hear sirens to begin praying for those in the accident and the ones working on the injured and the hospital staff and the family etc. For me I seemed to come to God as I learned how to look at what Jesus endured on the cross. It is an awful mess and for a while I resisted. God told me to pray through the cross and as I have prayed I started seeing God’s love for me for mankind. My relationship seems to be more intimate and frankly I am glad God told me to pray through the cross. Some days that is the only prayer I say. I don’t mean to not say the other prayers but life keeps happening and I don’t get to my prayers like I want to. I want to be mad at myself. God keeps me starting over and I do. In this I begin to sense a deep intimate relationship with God. As I realize the intimate relationship I have I begin to understand that our relationship with God is not unlike my relationship with Junior. When we don’t connect often we tend to pull away from each other. The more we connect the deeper our relationship tends to go. Connecting with each other does not mean we are joined at the hip as well. We have times where we are together and times we go off on our own. It needs to be a good balance and each couple will have their own balance. I find myself feeling secure in my relationship with Junior and I don’t need to have his constant attention. He feels secure with my love and does not need my constant attention. When we started dating we both committed to each other and no one else. It was a promise we made. I believe that knowing he isn’t stepping out on me and me on him has given us the security we need. For some reason Junior has joined the older women’s Sunday school class at church. He thinks he is teaching the women a thing or two and frankly I think the women think they are teaching Junior a thing or two. Often times one of the women will ask me if I am jealous. I am not. I know Junior only wants me and I am not afraid of someone taking my husband away. I am the first love in Junior’s life and he does not want to lose me. Due to the abuse in my past I tend to not to want to be overly friendly with men. It takes me a bit to feel safe. I don’t have eyes that roam. Junior is safe and the only guy I want in my life. We know this about each other and frankly it feels freeing. I feel extra good when I hear Junior get arrogant. He feels safe with me and for the first time in his life he feels that a woman wants him and only him. Junior’s mother died when he was five years old. His Dad married again within months after her death and his step mother was rather abusive. Some of Junior’s struggles with women are deeply ingrained. We come together and know how the other one feels and it is wonderful. We may not be real popular. We may seem strange to many people. All I know is that for the first time in my life I am able to connect with a man and have a deep intimate relationship. Junior is my comfort as I go from doctor to doctor trying to understand the craziness within my body. He holds me when life hurts. He rejoices with me when I overcome a struggle or even when I write a book. May God bless you and keep you make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet