August 7, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Today is an at home day and I must say it feels awesome. Monday was a trip to Johnson City about 3-4hrs from here. Tuesday was a dentist appointment, dr. appointment for Junior and a trip to Lowe’s to pick out a couple of screen doors, insulation and such. So today we are home. Yup I do love the slowdown time. I made cheese soup from a recipe I found on line and I don’t think I’ll make this version anytime soon. So I go in search of another cheese soup recipe. I love that Junior doesn’t need me to make 3 meals a day every day. I love that I can make a pot of something and eat on it for a few days and then cook again. It works real nice. Alex and Blanko are my buddies and that too feels awesome. Alex is once more wresting on my wrist as I type. He has done that since he was tiny. The dogs are asleep along with Junior taking his nap. Life is quiet and moving so slowly today. It again feels good after two heavy days of running. My goal for today is to mop around the area rugs and maybe dust. I do need to unpack well repack the suitcase with clean clothes so when we want to leave again it is ready. That is what we do these days. It works nice. We started eating lunch on the porch only the rain came and the roof is not fully up yet so we came back in. It is what it is. In the quietness my heart wants to grieve. I start asking God to help me move past the grief and in short order I am onto other thoughts. I think about our walk and how muddy the kids got as they walked over to a mud hole and laid down in it. Junior thinks it was a way to invite the fleas to leave their bodies. It sounds good to me. Little Sister and I have been talking on the phone again. I think we are able to connect because we both are on anti-depressants. Our lives have been crazy with dysfunction and we drove each other to the edge again after we moved here. My porch time has been increasing and I do love it. I love the views from up there. I love the quiet out of the way place it is. I love watching it continue to take shape and long for the day when this project will be done with. Until I started sitting on the porch I did not realize how much I missed my outside time. Now that I have it again I cherish each visit. I again marvel at God leading us to this house, to these woods and mountains. It is so us. The work in the kitchen has ground to a halt. That is my guy. He does that. I’ve learned to accept this quirk in his nature. I do understand that sometimes his back tends to pick out his projects and at times I just want one project done before another starts. It is not going to happen so I learn to live with this man’s way of working. In the end things come together very nicely. That helps as well. I do see some finished products and it helps me to know that one day all will be in order. I haven’t worked on the quilt in a day or so and I long to get back to that. I can’t find the straight pins I bought and it is making me crazy. I’ve also somehow lost my cane. How do I do this? It is annoying and I once more learn to accept these new quirks in my personality. If I did not I would begin to hate myself and it won’t change so I accept myself as I am. Today when we went for our walk I found a long sturdy branch and used that to help me navigate my steps. It worked and I am sure my cane will show up soon. When we got back from going to the end of the road and back I am not as winded as I was a week ago. That feels nice. So I am walking, at night I use my arm weights as I watch TV. That feels good. I don’t use my cane much in the house. I leave it sit and I make my way around slowly, sometimes grabbing onto what is beside me if I need it. Night time lately I need to use the wall or bed as I go into the bathroom. For some reason I am real dizzy. Junior seems a little more tired than usual. He got up from his nap to use the bathroom and he has been down again for a spell. We both have learned to work when we can and sit when we can’t. Our home is moving forward both in the renovating and the cleaning of it. I may be anxious for Junior to make quicker progress but I also know he is going as fast as he is able and I don’t want to frustrate him so I learn to be quiet. If I struggle a whole lot I then take it to God who usually helps me move past the frustration. In the end our house is comfortable and it is nice. I like realizing that we have melded our styles of housekeeping. I must say it feels good. I’d like to be a spotless clean person. Junior likes clutter. We have met each other in the middle and frankly it feels real nice. If something is getting too close to hoarding, I let him know and he has been good at cleaning it up. We both have that line that it is too much to deal with. We respect that in the other one and so we have reached a compromise. Again it works real nice. Our financial situation is not fully settled yet but progress is being made. I again took my fear to God and somewhere deep inside of me I know we will be ok. I no longer panic and frankly that feels real nice. I love seeing that Junior and I are not clones of each other. We tend to have a lot in common and we have our differences as well. The nice thing is we tend to try to meet each other in the middle and frankly when we do that it feels real nice. Are you the type that wants your mate made into your perfect image? Is it time to let them be who they are and let you be who you are? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet