July 26, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Today is my baby sister’s birthday. We are 11 and three days apart so for the next month we are the same age. As a youngster I wanted to round it off to a year but Little Sister always reminded me of the exact amount of time. As an adult I often mention the exact amount of time and she finds it to be silly. So life goes. There is that feeling again. I live life. I enjoy life but as I talk to some people I sense their disdain for me. They act like I have no brains. It is what it is. Lately when I sense this I take my discomfort to God. God reminds me that I am His child and precious and I begin to not care what others think of me. I quit making the list in my mind and enter into the day. My list goes something like this “I retired at age 54, I saved enough money to retire early, I have been re-married for 15 years and he hasn’t been able to keep a relationship going in 16 years.” The list goes on and on until I realize that it does not matter really. I have a new life, a good life in the Lord. God keeps telling me that I am important to Him, that I am smart in the way He created me and that truly is all that matters. When I wrap my brain around that I find myself letting go of the need to be wanted by those that don’t want me. Again I go through the list of remembering all the wonderful things God has done for me and I find more peace. As I left my marriage of 24 years I found myself crying out to God. God came alongside of me and showed me how to move forward. I kept up with counseling. I did not want to enter into another relationship like the one I left. I met Junior and he is a huge blessing from God. He is not popular by human standards but he has a heart that is a mile wide. I’ll take this man whose heart is with God any day. We went away to an overnight to Johnson City Tennessee which is a good 3 hours from our home. I had to have an MRI done early the next morning. At first we thought we’d spend another night there and enjoy a mini vacation. We arrived at the hospital only to find that we had the wrong Monday. Junior had to have an x-ray of his foot done at the VA so we stopped in there, then ate lunch and headed back toward home. J stayed at the house. Our cat needs medication so he medicated the cat. Junior left J with a list of things he wanted done in the order he wanted them done. J picked and chose what he did. On the list was putting up insulation under our porch where we have enclosed it to become part of our home. J instead picked and chose the jobs he wanted to do and did not do the insulation. Junior wanted the insulation done because of his back struggles. When we got home Junior was tired and went to sleep. He woke up watched a bit of TV and then went back to bed. I thought it strange that he did not go to check on J’s progress. As we were getting ready for bed I asked and Junior told me he was so angry and did not want to blurt out his anger. He kept to himself till he worked through his anger and when the two talked Junior was calm and straight forward with his comments. I once more learned that anger does not have to rule a man. It amazes me. Until I met Junior I only knew men who gave into to their anger and that often meant anyone who was near them. After being with Junior all these years I still marvel when I see my guy in action. He has had little training on fixing things around the house but he has taught himself or taken classes like wiring. At times it feels like our progress is ever so slow but when I realize that sometimes Junior will take apart a project many times until it is right I begin to understand the time frame. As each project comes to an end I marvel at the craftsmanship my guy has displayed. It looks awesome. He also works around our needs. I am short so he makes things so I can reach into, up to etc. With the potential of being in a wheel chair someday, Junior also works around the need. We believe we will continue to grow old in this house and our older years will find one or both of us unable to do things. As I have struggled with Junior’s way of doing things I have gone to prayer. God keeps pointing me to Junior’s heart. This man is so tender. He sounds rough but underneath is a tender caring guy. That is what I love and God keeps pointing me to. I can’t say I’ve ever fallen out of love with Junior. As I have struggled with his annoying habits it is God who helps me to look past those habits. It is not me that is for sure. As I allow God to point out what I need to focus on in my husband I find me falling deeper in love with him. Junior has done some bad things in his life. That is ok. Junior has thoughts and isn’t afraid to share what he believes. That is ok. he has a tender heart for God. Junior’s main goal is to live for God, to listen to God and do what he hears God telling him. That works real nice. As I live with Junior I learn that people aren’t always going to like me. I learn that life still can go on if I keep my life in tune with God. That means praying fairly much daily, reading my Bible fairly much daily. When I do I find my walk to be precious and I am good with the person God is teaching me to be. If others find me daffy, that is ok. In my dreams I saw myself being at the center of my children’s life, my siblings as well. Nope I am not and these days I find I may grieve this but I am ok with it also. The more I allow God to lead, guide and direct me, the sweeter each day feels. So I grieve and I let it go. I tell God how I am feeling, he lets me unload the thought and then I let it go. Who are you trying to please? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet