July 1, 2013

July 1, 2013 Greetings My Friend, I went outside to tell Junior something from a phone call. I sat down for a few minutes while he was working and chatted with him. I do that at times. When I do I always find that Junior loves my visits while he is working. I love it when he comes in to find me and says “Come see what I’ve done.” I can tell he loves it when I am enamored with his workmanship. I can see a smile a mile wide on his face. He tends to love hearing me go on and on about how nice and beautiful the project turned out. Sometimes I just sit and say very little to him. He tends to like that as well. He likes me near. I am not able to be good at using tools and the like. I’d like to but I am a girly girl and don’t have the foggiest idea of how to use tools and the like. I often will complain that I’m not very good and he always tells me that is ok…. My mother in law taught me that many years ago. She pulled me aside and told me to enter into my man’s work even if it is just sitting beside him. Junior seems to love having me near and sharing this time with him. To be honest I love it as well. I once more learn to look at Junior’s talents and not focus on his lack of ability in any given area. The more Junior hears me telling him I “love” this or that, the more he falls in love with me. I continue to see Junior’s strengths and find myself amazed at his ability. I am even more amazed at his ability to overcome pain. He is very slow as he works due to pain but he sticks with a project until it is done. I generally will read these blog posts to Junior out loud. I don’t write letters any longer. My handwriting is awful these days due to a shake in my hand. It seems that Junior still hears my love for him in the reading of the blogs like when I was writing him letters daily and for that I am grateful. I also find in the telling the things I find good in my man keeps my heart open to him and his ways. Is he annoying? Yes he can be but in focusing on his good traits I find I continue to fall in love with my guy. I also go to prayer when I am befuddled with my guy. I don’t go asking God to change him. I do ask God to open my heart to my guy. God has always been faithful in showing me Junior’s good traits. The more good I see the more I continue to fall in love with my man. God also points me to Junior’s heart time and time out. It is amazing. Junior has a very gentle heart. He may sound rough and tough but his heart is the tenderest male heart I’ve ever known. I have grown through Junior training our puppies. To be honest I was very scared when I heard his deep male voice yelling at them as they went potty in the house. Through all of the training I have witnessed Junior’s firm but fair way of treating our animals. This is a first for me. Until I met Junior every man in my life often lost control and wound up being violent even with the smallest things. Junior teaches me more about how God created men. I see him get worked up fairly easy from time to time but he has never resorted to physical ways to respond to his anger. Again it is so new to me. I have a lot of respect for Junior because he maintains control. Junior does not expect me to be able to do the heavy lifting he does. That is a relief as well. I am a weakling and Junior isn’t upset. He often tells me that I am a girl and he understands. Until I met Junior the men in my life thought I could do what they could. Frankly I am a small woman and I cannot do manly stuff. I can be soft, I can hug and speak words of encouragement. With that I am fairly competent and Junior allows me to do what I am made to do. I find myself wanting to watch after my man often. I try to make sure if he wants a nap that I don’t bother him. I try to be quiet when his back is hurting and I try to bring him things if he needs me to. I am grateful for his help within the house. As I continue to gain more energy and health I find myself doing a bit more. Junior does not belittle me because I am not the cook, the housekeeper I have been in the past. The less he fusses at me the harder I work at trying to do more. The more settled the house becomes I find that I am working a routine out more and more. I still have a ways to go yet but I am way better than a few short years ago when I began my decline. I am once again walking fairly much daily. When the weather is not good for outside walking I tend to jump on the ellipse and walk on that. I spend time writing several days throughout the week. I love it. Writing moves me. I tend to think life through with writing. It is the way I operate. Junior accepts this strange aspect in me. I appreciate that a ton. Prayer too helps me be who he needs me to be. I still pray for our marriage fairly much daily. One failed marriage is more than I’d like to ever have. Since I believe prayer teaches me to be what Junior needs me to be I can’t see me giving up on prayer for our marriage any time soon. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet