March 5, 2013 Greetings My Friend, This last trip to MI and back has taken a toll on me. It is a good 6 weeks or more since we have gotten back and finally today I am back to the routines I started before leaving to MI. I have been longing to get back to this routine but life seems to keep happening and I am struggling to get back to what I started. I woke up real early today as did Junior so we decided to make the run to Vansant to see our Chiropractor which is a 3 hour round trip. When we got back I headed back to bed and I am now up and moving again. When we got back from our errand running yesterday I was able to move some furniture around and put a 3rd chair into our entry way. It will be a nice place to visit with people when they come by and not have the TV interrupting our conversations. I keep thinking that I have made a “coffee house” look and I find myself enjoying it a whole lot. We picked up an electric heater that looks like a wood burning fire for the entry way. With that going I have the warmth I need to sit back here again. I have a blanket to cover up with. These are the comfort things I tend to like to wrap myself up in. They make me feel safe and content. I am enjoying the warmth of sunshine coming through the door and window. I feel hope stirring inside of me. I haven’t felt down, depressed but this hope is just contentment with life hope. I love the old fashioned look from years gone by, probably like the 1930’s or so. For me it seems to be a time of peace within the home. I know Dad grew up in the 30’s and his life was anything but nice. Grandpa was a cruel man and Grandma was a young bride and mother. Still the older look tends to make me quiet and calm. I look up from the computer screen and see one of the dogs up on the table. I yell at him to get down. My tiny cat is my buddy and he is snuggling me wanting me to pet on him as he steps on the keys to the computer and I find myself making corrections. Yup I love the peacefulness of life right now. It feels like getting to this period of quiet peace has been a journey. Two moves in two years and retirement have seemed to be about the most challenging struggle I have faced since my divorce. With Junior though I knew somewhere deep inside of me that he was going to walk through all these struggles with me. That is the sense I keep coming across lately. Since the accident I know way down deep inside of me that we are here for the duration. He is not going to quit and I am not either. To tell you the truth that is one of safest feelings I have had in life. Up till Junior I never felt like I made the grade and when I did not I was given up on. This month we will be married 15 years. I was married the 1st time 24 years so I feel like I am to be a married lady. Junior has come into my life and at this point I truly believe that a man and woman can enjoy each other in all areas of life. The first marriage I thought we needed to be together to have children and we may like to do the man/wife thing and that would be about it. I thought that we women wanted our friendships because we could not draw close to the man and men liked to be out with their buddies so they did not have to listen to their women. It is what I knew. It was no different for me than when I was growing up so to me this was normal. With Junior though I have found a deep enjoyment and we tend to like being around the other. We enjoy time away from time to time and when we come together we have a deeper appreciation for the other one. Junior went to California for a funeral recently. As he called me I sensed that he had needed to be around the guys. He had time to remember and to talk man stuff. He called me every day. I still sensed his need to see these friends without me at his side. When he called I also sensed his desire to be back with me again. I was able to fill the days with busyness and in short order Junior was home and we were enjoying each other’s company again. As I sit here writing Junior is working on renovating the kitchen. I find a peace with him doing his thing during the day and me doing mine. At some point we will turn the TV on and we will sit in our chairs talking and sharing and enjoying each other’s company. I will work in the entry way some more, clean out the TV area and have a sense of making our home a home. I like that feeling a whole lot. I like that when Junior is done that the house will feel comfortable. I have gotten away from cooking since returning from MI but I will be back to that in short order. I do love making life comfortable for my man. It is something deep inside of me that fills me. Again I sense the need to be a “helpmate” to my husband and as I am a “helpmate” I find a sense of peace within me. I don’t want to be better, smarter or make more money than Junior for the sake of bettering him. I want to come alongside and help him in his “work” which at this point in our lives is him renovating our home. As a room is finished and I get to keep house again I find a satisfaction being what I believe God created me to be. I am not dumber than Junior or smarter. I feel like that clog fitting into the gear rather nicely. What does your relationship say about your life? Do you have to prove you are the better person? Can you let someone else get the attention? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet