March 13, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Easter is at the end of the month. One time I heard a minister teach that we should begin to prepare ourselves for communion before we arrive to church on Communion Sunday. I find myself trying to remember the cross, the reason for the cross the week before I arrive to church for communion. By the time I get to that quiet time of communion I find myself even more reflective and grateful for the gift I’ve been given. Our church generally celebrates communion the first Sunday of the month. I like the routine of knowing that we will celebrate each month and many months I try hard to think about the gift of the cross before arriving to church on that Sunday. As a young person who struggled with ADHD I struggled to still my mind. I still struggle to still my mind to be honest. These days though I am able to stay with the thought longer. When I do I feel blessed. I am able to understand God’s great love for us, His perfectness and the harsh reality that sin is about as foreign to God as perfectness is foreign to us. For me, I am finding that I tend to also try to think on the gift of the cross at Christmas and Easter. If I can do this I meet Jesus on a more personal level. I find I don’t get upset if a holiday doesn’t measure up in my mind’s eye the way I’d want it to be. I do grieve the loss at times but then I am able to move out of grief and into thankfulness by the time the holiday is done. I find myself feeling like I am a wanted child of God. I am not a mistake. For me that is marvelous. I matter and frankly when I know that I matter I tend to feel alive even more so. I deal the harshness of life easier and I find myself willing to keep trying when I’d rather give up. In this I finally “got” that Junior truly loves me. I had figured he’d leave me when the fun wore off. It is what I knew. Knowing that Junior is staying regardless well that feels wonderful and I feel he is a gift from God. As Junior comes along side of me as I struggle with life’s situation helps me so much. I am not alone physically. He goes to doctor appointments and helps me figure out life on a day to day basis. I like looking to Junior as my “leader” in many ways. I believe I am a helpmate to Junior and I am there to stand beside him and help him. To me that is what I was created to be, a helpmate. When I strive to make life easier for Junior I feel whole. Together we face life and in that I find peace. It is the looking at the cross that was able to help me see the true gift I’ve been given. I remember asking God to not make me look at the horror of what Jesus endured. God said I needed to look at the cross regardless of the horror of it all. I did and frankly I am thankful. Jesus willingly left heaven and the wonderful peace there is in heaven. He came down as a baby born of a woman as we all are. He lived life and knew our emotions of joy, sorrow and the like. He died on the cross. There was tremendous abuse to his body before being nailed on the cross. I always struggle to see Jesus nailed literally to the cross. But Jesus was nailed and before the nails he was scourged (had a whip struck across his back and I have learned that there was glass and stone tied to the whip making it even more painful.) Jesus was mocked which was painful physically as well as emotionally. By the time He was nailed to the cross, Jesus’ face was swollen and disfigured. His head had a crown of thorns put harshly on it. Somewhere along the way I see so much pain, physical, emotional and spiritual pain. Then I see Jesus dead. The soldier put a spear into his side and Jesus had blood and water spill out of Him. In my mind he was dead. He is taken down and put in a tomb. For me I begin to find hope residing in me as I see that Jesus has risen from the grave. I don’t like the idea that we die and nothingness. I like that we go onto an eternal life and for me because I believe in Jesus I will live with Him and God. I don’t know what that life will be but I know that the hope of life going on forever and ever sustains me. I find I have hope in the day to day struggles this life pours out on me. I must say I am afraid of dying and the pain I may experience. I see Jesus in the garden praying “Take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but your will.” I see angels come beside Jesus and Jesus going to the cross and Him rising from the grave and I find I have hope. That hope allows me to face the trials of life big and small. I find I matter to God. I find a desire to go out and share the Good News as best as I can. I still feel life’s pain, I also feel joy. I marvel that I have a chance to live and be and do for God. That drives me more and more. I am also learning that sharing the Good News doesn’t mean saying “God and Jesus” in every sentence. It does mean living at home with the hope I have. It means not giving into porn, bad words or being mean to others. It means I am honest even when I could gain something because of a sales clerk’s error. I also know that I will screw up and say something mean, do something not nice from time to time. At that point I take it to God and ask to be forgiven. I find I will walk away from sin more and more and I am a wanted child of God even in my mistakes in life. God keeps working on me and frankly that feels wonderful even though I screw up often. I find though that my screw ups aren’t happening as often, that feels real nice. What is your hope, where is it found? Is it money, a nice home, family???? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet