February 2, 2013 Greetings My Friend, Junior is home from his trip to California. He is in the chair next to mine and talking to an old friend and it is music to my years. I was up and down so I slept late and I woke up hearing Junior move around the house quietly. I heard the washer humming and again it was such a sweet moment. When my children were little I would do a week with the teens at church and leave my children with my parents. I always felt that the time away was for us to do different things and then come together and tell about what we did. For a while we even kept a journal of what we did so we could share with each other. They got to spend time with Grandma and Grandpa and I got to give time to young adults. I had a good week while Junior was gone and it feels wonderful to have him home again. We are catching up on all our stuff and frankly it is nice. I feel alongside of Junior the moments of the funeral, the time with old friends and it is precious. That is one of the most beautiful moments for me. I know deep inside of me that this man wants to be with me and share life with me and he wants no other woman. Yup, that is a precious feeling. It seems strange but making a statement that we truly want to be with no other seems to have let down the fear barriers of being replaced down the road. In that I feel safe enough to just love him knowing he isn’t going to walk out the door for some fraction. He is here for the long haul and again that feels so safe and wonderful. Again as I struggled with my fall I began to truly get the depth of Junior’s love for me. For most of my life I was given up on when I did not meet the exact expectations of those I was close to. It has been hard for me to realize that I can be a little much to deal with at times and I won’t be tossed to the curb. I don’t mean to be hard to deal with but if I am honest we all have those moments. Junior has come alongside of me and taken me “for better or for worse” and frankly that feels wonderful. I do try to be easy to get along with but frankly we all have moments. I am told often that I am fairly easy going but again we all have those moments. I do have my own thoughts and I don’t always back down so I know that at times can be a challenge. I’ve been like that since I was very young. I love to fight for a cause. It is who I am. As much as I’d rather be a complacent person, I am not. I try hard to be but soon my thoughts are coming out of my mouth and well. Now I don’t argue each and everything but I will stand up for an injustice if I sense it is one. Junior accepts this quirk in my personality and frankly that feels nice. Junior and I tend to have the same goals in life, the same beliefs so we don’t argue between ourselves very often. He has stood beside me when I needed him to stick up for me and frankly that is a wonderful feeling. He also lets me know when I’m off track in my thinking. That is nice to. I know that Junior wants my best and is not interested in being better than me. That helps me a ton. I sort through his comments and I am willing to change my view when I know that he wants my best. I read my blog to Junior. I read it out loud so I “hear” how it sounds and then with Junior’s ears I also hear how I am coming across. Junior is Godly and I look to him to help me present the God of the Bible not my own interpretation of God. I want to give the God of the Bible to people. It is that God that has held me so tenderly and grown me to the person I am today. I want to share Him with everyone and for me I have the opportunity to share Him in the blog. I also try to live day to day as if God were my God. Since I have begun this faith journey I have felt God’s love and acceptance of who I am. It feels wonderful when I have felt God’s hugs, love and tenderness. That is another thing. God loves me and corrects me tenderly. God knows that once I get my back up I tend to become hard headed and God teaches me through tenderness. Once in a while God will get stern with me but mostly God gives me tenderness which I need so desperately. I respond with God’s tenderness and grow and I’m amazed. God knows me so well and what will open my eyes to the truth and yup I’m amazed. I have a peace that “passes all understanding.” It amazes me often. I am God’s child and that feels wonderful. I am not a mistake. God loves me where I am and then He begins to do a work in me. I am learning the places God wants me to be….not just at church but in life in general. I like that. For a long time I felt the only place to serve God was in a church setting. Nope, it is when I befriend a neighbor, a child or I am a loving wife to my husband. Men want respect and loving Junior means I need to respect the person he is. Frankly respect is a hard concept for me to wrap my brain around at times so I go to prayer asking God to guide me and God does. If you were to ask Junior he’d tell you I respect him. I don’t know what I did and I believe it is God’s guidance that helps me to give Junior what he needs. Are you asking God to guide you? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet