October 3, 2012 Greetings My Friend,, Let’s try this again. I finished a blog, read it to Junior and he felt I could do better and I needed to start over so here I go.. Junior has enjoyed my ability to write and has encouraged me to write through the years. I am now writing and he continues to be supportive of me. It feels nice to have a talent and that he enjoys my talent and isn’t afraid I may be better at something than he is. In another life every time I showed more intelligence in an area I was put down and discouraged from showing my skills. I soon believed I was no good and I also learned to relate to others with a dumb blonde attitude. I’m not that dumb but I got tired of getting slugged every time I was able to do something better and discouraged from using my skills. Junior tends to see me as a partner and he realizes I have talents he does not have. He likes for me to excel in my area of expertise. Frankly when we each do the things we are good at and allow the other the opportunity to shine it tends to helps us reach more goals in life. I am the better bill payer. For the first 10 years of our marriage we carried no debt. The last 4 years I have let Junior pay bills. I had a hard time letting him be in charge but to be honest I think he has learned a ton. I think going forward we will live within our means much better. Junior often felt I wasn’t letting him have or do things and when he took over he realized that was not the case. Has it been easy? No it has not but again he has learned and I believe we will move forward on the same page. We felt led to move and we have moved. Had I been in charge of the bills I would not have wanted to risk the move. As we continue to settle in Virginia I love being here so I’m grateful Junior has got us here and I did not have figure out how to finance our move. Having had a bad marriage the first time, I find myself being very grateful for Junior. He loves me and I feel it just about daily. I am wanted and that means a lot as well. So Junior has a few bad habits. I want to learn to accept my man for whom and what he is. As a woman I have a tendency to want to change him. As I have taken relationship classes and learned that a woman tends to do that I have worked hard at letting Junior be Junior. When I allow him to be himself I get a very content husband so it is worth letting him be himself. I also get to see life from a different perspective which helps me do things in a new way at times. I love being a partner in marriage. It is about the best feeling in the world to me.. I love that Junior enjoys me using my talents where they come in at and it feels wonderful. When Junior lets me do what my talents are I tend to feel more grown up and productive. Junior is putting in new windows so the furniture is moved to the center of the room. Junior somehow finds a way to fill the kitchen table with stuff. I was sitting at the table wondering how it got so full in such a short time. I am taking on more chores but still have moments that I am totally overwhelmed. Junior is so patient with who and what I am. As he is patient with me I find myself being very accepting of Junior and his ways even if they don’t align with mine. That does not mean that I always know how to deal with his ways. As I see Junior finish projects and how beautiful they are I also don’t want to discourage him and to me sloppy ways. Our home is turning out awesome and it is exciting to see his creative talents. Some people seem to be able to keep order even if the family does not. I have yet to figure out how to do that. I also don’t want to be-little my man. He is way too good to me. So my struggle continues to be how I let Junior be Junior and keep “me” in the equation. I do have needs and when I don’t give into them I find myself depressed. Junior has been able to let relationships go due to his crazy upbringing. As I grieve my relationships Junior understands and often will teach me how to let go. The more I let go the less emotional stress I put myself through. So I am grateful that we are not exactly the same. We have similarities for sure but our differences often help us do more than we ever imagined. When I can look beyond Junior’s crazy to me ways I begin to see a precious man. I also see his heart and that continues to amaze me. Sometimes I struggle beyond words. I keep praying and talking to God. God guides me and I continue to marvel at the man I am married to and I don’t hate him. I like that a whole bunch and I am more in love with Junior than I was 14 years ago. Pretty nice. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet