February 18, 2012 Greetings My Friend, Life as we know it will one day end. It does for every person. It is an uncomfortable topic. I know when I mentioned that we have made our funeral arrangements to some extent…not all arrangements but bought a cemetery lot and a casket…our children were highly uncomfortable. They did not want us to discuss this. I wasn’t trying to make them uncomfortable but trying to take care of business. We have all heard of horror stories where the final arrangements were not planned for and the huge struggles that ensue because of it. Junior and I did not do a will right away. We had to think how we wanted our money etc. divided up. When we had worked it out between us then we went to a lawyer and had a will drawn up – well a trust. When I had cancer I knew from the start I wasn’t going to die from it. Still the word ‘cancer’ was sobering. My one friend who had breast cancer survived it only to have uterine cancer the next year. That was a fear I lived with for a few years. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop…to hear the awful words ‘I have cancer’ a second time. I am now 7 years cancer free and I feel I may be able to live a long life. M her mom had cancer back in the 60’s and her mom is in her 80’s. So I see the chance to live a long and productive life. As I went through cancer people would tell me ‘I’m a….so many year survivor” and the years I often was hearing were decades. That statement gave me such hope. I now tell people the same thing. As I say often ‘hope’ is what drives me. Until I had hope life was a huge struggle. My hope is real now. It is Jesus! I began to really think about my death as I went through cancer. I think that the older we get the reality hits us as well. That again is why we do wills, buy our cemetery lots etc. I had a strong desire to want to live. I wanted to be junior’s wife, I wanted to see my grandchildren grow up; I wanted to retire and to write. I had a lot of dreams I wanted to see through. As I pondered dying though I began to come to a peace with it. The thought I had was ‘if I die, I will be with Jesus and if I don’t then I get to do the work God has for me.’ To me this was a comforting moment. I still don’t like the thought of dying to be honest. I am afraid in some ways. I am not afraid to be dead it is the getting to the ‘dead’ part that scares me. I see Jesus struggled with the dying as well. He went into the garden to pray. He was sweating drops of blood….that is pretty upset to me. Jesus prayed, ‘Father take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but your will.’ He prayed this 3 times and then God sent angels to comfort Jesus. Another sobering thought I have is if I had not accepted the gift of Jesus then I would probably go to hell. As I quote often ‘For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.’ As I see it we have to accept this gift. To me accepting the gift is being thankful for it and then changing my life as I feel prompted by the Holy Spirit. I can’t stay the same. For me ‘hell’ became real as I looked at the cross. As I pray through the cross each day I begin to not only see the immense pain Jesus suffered, I begin to see what hell is. The Bible talks about hell and it isn’t a fun day in the park. It is a gnashing of the teeth. There is the rich man asking Father Abraham to have Lazarus bring him a drink of water. He also asks for his family to be told so they don’t end up in hell. Father Abraham tells the rich man that we were given the opportunity to know, through the prophets etc. Jesus’ pain was awful. He had mental, spiritual and physical pain. I can’t even begin to discern all the pain he went through. I know though that he went through immense pain. Nails in his flesh, the scourging which is being whipped and the bone and glass tied to the whip tearing his flesh apart had to be ever so painful. They beat his face till it was so swollen, the crown of thorns on his head oh my. So I see that hell is an eternity of this type of pain. Eternity is a very long time – forever really. Paul was such a great teacher. He said to die was gain. He found himself longing to be with Christ. He also knew that he was on earth till his work was finished. That is how I feel. I feel that God has me here for a reason and until my work is complete, I will be here. I have met people who seemed to be at peace when dying. Dad comes to mind. He seemed to struggle letting life go as the end came near. I had learned in a class that sometimes we need to tell the dying that it is ok. I kept telling Dad that we would take care of mom. Dad seemed to be comforted knowing mom would be taken care of. He also kept saying he saw D, the nephew who died 10 months earlier. He saw Grandpa. I felt they were waiting for Dad to take him to God. My sister-in-law kept saying she could feel D in the room with Dad. These types of moments tend to point out that God is waiting for us to come home to him. This comforts me greatly. As I find peace with dying I also find a need to share the ‘hope’ I have. I believe part of my work on earth is to bring the hope I have to others. The hope I have is found at the cross, even beyond the cross. The hope I have is in the resurrection itself. Jesus rose from the dead. He walked among us for 40 days before going into heaven. Jesus is alive even now! That is why I don’t mind being dead. They dying is scary but as I pray I find even Jesus struggled. So I pray, I try hard to stay close to God and God will give me what I need to face whatever trials I may have. Nope I can’t do life anymore without God/Jesus’ gift of salvation. Where is your hope? Do you have hope? I found mine at the cross….. May God bless you and keep you, make his face to shine upon you. Love janet