February 11, 2012 Greetings my Friend, My heart is pondering the question, ‘Why walk with Jesus’ As I ponder this my mind goes back in time. Two wonderful women came to the aid of my family when my nephew drowned. There were 8 grandchildren that lost their brother/cousin. The children could handle only so much time in the funeral home and they in their own ways were grieving. As I think on this a conversation I had recently comes to mind as well. My ex had gone out and I did not know how to reach him. I called all around and could not find him. I called our minister and he came by to help me tell my kids and that the brother and sister of the child that drowned. Their mom and Dad had gone to the hospital thinking he was injured and at the hospital they were told the news he had died. I received the phone call and it was up to me to tell all four children. I did not know how they were all going to grieve so my minister came over to help me. My son reminded me of how that evening went. I just remembered the overall feeling of grief and not much else to be honest. Anyway we told my two children first. My son told me that after hearing the news he went outside and rode his bike for a long time. That was the way he dealt with the pain of grief. My heart broke for him being alone and riding his bike. We then told the niece and nephew and that part is etched in my mind’s eye. My nephew who was less than a year younger than his brother took the news real hard. He cried and could not move out of the minister’s embrace. Anyway back to the women who helped the family. They came each day of the funeral process. They watched after the children, fed them and even bathed them – the youngest ones. As the kids had questions they answered them and they held them when grief overtook them. For this act of love I am ever so grateful. It is a thought that comes back to me often. I feel their love over and over again. The one friend has since died but I still feel her love. I believe in my heart that Jesus sent these women to us. They answered the call on their heart to help us. Through the years I have had a strong desire to give back as they gave to us that time of grief so long ago now. I am ever so thankful for their love. One more thought comes to mind here. When my Dad died my ex told me that all I needed was three days to grieve, that was the time frame our jobs gave us and that should be all I need to get over his death. My friend m came by after the funeral and grief was over taking me. I grieved the struggle my relationship was with my Dad, with the anger, the abuse and the pain of life in general. M held me that day as I had never been held. She patted my head and then held me so tenderly. I was able to relax and eventually lay down in her lap as she stroked my hair. It was the first time in my life that I had had ever been touched so gently. I cried myself out and then found the courage to get up and go into life. I relate these experiences because in them I have had a need a desire to reach back to these precious friends and give of myself in their time of need. Recently m’s mother needed some help and I was so excited to go to mi and help her mother. I was hoping to give back a measure of what she had given me so long ago. It worked out that I could not help her mother since part of her care would require me to help her mother physically and her mother is about 3 times my size. This sense of giving back is what my faith journey is about. As I comprehend the cross, the terrible suffering Jesus went through I find myself wanting to give back. Through the years I have prayed my way through the cross pretty much on a daily basis. As I look at the cross and see what Jesus suffered….I find myself ever so grateful. He would die for me, for all who will believe. It is to Jesus I went when I was divorced. It is to Jesus I went when Mom died. It is to Jesus I go when life hurts beyond measure. In Jesus I find I can cope and live life. My heart wants to reach out and offer the hope I have. I have also found that each person in Christ has a gift to give. My gift is writing. I also tend to have a need to give to those that are hurting, lost and abused. This is the way I try to give back for the love I have been given. Just as I wanted to give to my friends for their help I find I want to give back to Jesus. People now are so concerned about offending others with our belief. I struggle with this as well. I know that when I find a great bargain I want to tell people about what I got. When people talk to me about my granddaughter I have a desire to let them know she is an athlete…she is real good. My other Granddaughter is big into plays and has acted in a few. I love to share this with people. So it is with my faith, my walk with Jesus. I want to share him and what he has done in my life. That is why people tell their ‘testimony’s’. What is your testimony? Do you have one? May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet