November 26, 2011 Greetings My Friend, Thanksgiving is upon us again. That time of year for a moment we stop and find ourselves thinking on what we have, what we have been given. The prayer format I use to pray through has thankfulness as part of the prayer. Being thankful is a huge blessing when I stop and look at what I do have and not focus on what I don’t. I find when I see what I do have I find myself even more grateful. For a long time in my life I had what I call “the sin of comparison.” I was constantly comparing myself with what others had. I wanted to be “normal” so I consistently wanted what others had to feel accepted, wanted and loved. Down deep I think I knew things weren’t right as I grew up and I believe that is where I began my journey into the “sin of comparison.” In the beginning I wanted to feel like a “normal” family. I wanted all that mushy love that I see on TV. The Hallmark commercials were real rough for me to live through. Actually these days I find a huge struggle on FB. Whenever I see the comments that get passed around on family life I struggle. I have a deep sadness because that stuff isn’t true in my life. I tend to gloss over them and move onto the next comment. As I go through my thankfulness in prayer I try to focus on “everything” I have. I am thankful for a house. I am thankful for heat and air conditioning. I am thankful for appliances, for windows and doors even for the roof. I am thankful for furniture, for towels, for a bed and sheets and blankets. I am also very thankful for my toothbrush. I like to remember the smallest item I can think of and the largest items that I have. Of course having food each and every day and clothes to wear are in my prayers as well. It says in the Bible that if God cares about the birds in the air, then He cares for us even more so. Solomon in all His glory was not clothed as well as the lilies of the field. I find comfort in these statements. I find God knows what I need. The operative word here is need. I have much more than what I need. That is awesome. So we are in this economic downturn, have been for a while now. I find comfort that God is watching after me. I have what I need. God knows what I need and I have it. That is pretty awesome to me. Sure I want a nice car, the best sheets, the latest computer gadget etc. When I slow down and think I have what I need, I find huge comfort in that. A lot of what I want really isn’t good for me. I like chocolate, if I could eat it 24/7 well I’d have huge weight issues, health issues etc. So wanting all the chocolate isn’t really what I need. I want it. It isn’t good for me. So when I start to think that I don’t have what the next guy has I begin to think….that is ok. God directed Junior and I to the house we are now in. It is old, hadn’t been lived in for years and it is in need of a lot of tender care. Me….I would have rather moved into a ready to live in type of house. I would have rather had two bathrooms. I would have loved to have a working kitchen. The list goes on. We instead have a house that needs all kinds of work. The funny thing about this is that this house is probably the most comfortable house I have ever lived in. Part of the comfort is that I’m not afraid. Junior is a comfortable person for me to live with. We don’t do anger or drama. I like that a whole bunch. The other part is that this house is set up structurally comfortable. Everything is on one floor. The rooms are decent sized and there is enough house to feel privacy when we need it and small enough not to feel lost in it. This house has also helped me overcome depression. Two moves in two years right after I retired kind of put me through a wringer. I believe I needed to move to VA. Originally I felt we moved for political reasons, the longer we are here I think God directed us to move. I had some more layers of junk I needed to deal with and this move has made me leave that junk in MI. For the most part now I am in forward movement. I am enjoying the process of seeing our house become a home. I am enjoying re-entering into life in a community that takes me as I am. From the clerk at the store to my church family I have been accepted and loved. People take me as I am and tend to have an attitude of love. As I am silly I am laughed with. That feels nice. I can be silly and I am accepted. As I have come out of my abuse I find I am silly. People tend to giggle with me as I do my silly chatter. I chatter all the time now. I talk to the waitress, the sales clerk, the gas station attendant now. Most of the time people are giggling right along with me. I love it. I now start telling people that if you giggle at what I say….I will get worse. It encourages me. They giggle even with that statement. I remember praying to God to save my marriage. The divorce happened. I was sad and all these years later though I find myself ever grateful that the divorce did happen. I am with a man who cherishes me. I am not afraid of my shadow anymore. I am loved in profound ways. As I end this I’d like to ask you to begin a journey of thankfulness. Try it you might enjoy the journey. May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you. Love Janet