August 27, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
Thoughts at large:
Tomorrow I go back to the surgeon about my ultra sound. At first I was a little scared. As I talked with the women in Sunday school, I found that the doctors out here tend to overdo the testing. I began to relax. I went for my repeat ultra sound last week and the technician did not see anything. So I am anticipating that this is the end of this problem. I do have to say though that each year as the mammogram time comes around there is that hold my breath moment.
At one point as I was going through radiation I found myself thinking that I’d like to live. My doctor told me that we caught the cancer very early and I was not going to die from the cancer. I found myself thinking “well if I did die I’d be home with Jesus and if not then I can see the grandchildren grow up, live with Junior longer.” To me that was a freeing moment. I felt at peace with whatever happened. I am grateful to have lived.
For quite a few years now I have been afraid that I would be put to the test about my faith and I would fail. I think of Columbine at times like this. The one girl was asked about her faith and she said she believed in Jesus and then the kid shot her. I was afraid I would back down at a crucial moment like that. Lately though as I pray through Jesus’ last hours I see Him go into the garden to pray. I can almost see Him sweating drops of blood as it says in the Bible. I feel His anxiety at facing the final hours. Then I hear Him pray “Father take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but yours.” Jesus prayed that prayer three times. The third time God sent angels to comfort Him. At this point I begin to “get it.” God does know our struggles. He understands our fears. I also realize that if Jesus struggled and prayed then I need to even more so.
I have also begun to learn that God won’t allow us to go through things if we can’t handle it. That brings me comfort as well. At this point I begin to realize that if God is allowing this struggle then He knows I am capable of handling the struggle with His help. This makes me want to be in prayer even more so. If I am staying connected to God then I will be able to face whatever comes my way.
As I think on this I realize that is where I have been these past many years. I have faced some hard struggles in my life. I have faced rejection. I have faced my family not wanting me. There is a young man going through a divorce in the family. His wife is being friendly with the family and he does not feel supported. The wife is supported but his own family is not supporting him. I felt that way as well after my divorce. My ex became everyone’s good friend. I often felt alone and it hurt. God though has been there beside me through the trails of divorce. He has comforted me, dusted me off and sent me back into the world.
God has sent me precious friends who have held me as I have hurt. He gave me Junior who consistently shows me a tender love. God has sent me to the porch and brought nature to me when I hurt. I don’t know why but that was a wonderful hug in its own way. God put Junior and I into a Sunday school class for re-marrieds and we found some very precious friends. We have attended marriage seminars and have grown so much. He gave us a seminar on anger management and in it I learned that children of abuse often blame the mother for not getting them out of all that mess.
Oh yes, there are the pets. Alex has been with me since just before I was divorced. He claims me as his own and he loves me when I am down. These puppies….I can’t tell you how wonderful their little warm bodies feel. Of course their puppy messes are a bit trying but their warm love tends to make up for their bad behavior.
Junior is starting to work inside more with the heat of summer. He has all the walls in the bedroom paneled and it looks awesome. I can walk around the outside and see some of the finished product and it looks real nice. He is putting up a new door for the utility room. We have a new door for the front door and soon that will go in. Oh….I watch DIY a lot these days, always looking for new ideas as we fix on the house. Anyway they showed a wall for a kitchen where they used blackboard paint for a wall. Junior has painted a board with the blackboard paint and it is fun. So we continue to move forward on making this house our dream home.
I am cleaning up more and more. I like that too. As I enter into Bible Study, volunteering I am gone three days a week now. As I run, I pick up before and after like I did when I worked. The house is more and more like I’ve been with housework and that feels real good. I’ve kind of quit doing dishes though. My hands broke out some and I want a dish washer and Junior doesn’t want to spend the money….so I let him do dishes….. I never said I was a saint…
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, August 26, 2011
August 27, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
Thoughts at large:
Tomorrow I go back to the surgeon about my ultra sound. At first I was a little scared. As I talked with the women in Sunday school, I found that the doctors out here tend to overdo the testing. I began to relax. I went for my repeat ultra sound last week and the technician did not see anything. So I am anticipating that this is the end of this problem. I do have to say though that each year as the mammogram time comes around there is that hold my breath moment.
At one point as I was going through radiation I found myself thinking that I’d like to live. My doctor told me that we caught the cancer very early and I was not going to die from the cancer. I found myself thinking “well if I did die I’d be home with Jesus and if not then I can see the grandchildren grow up, live with Junior longer.” To me that was a freeing moment. I felt at peace with whatever happened. I am grateful to have lived.
For quite a few years now I have been afraid that I would be put to the test about my faith and I would fail. I think of Columbine at times like this. The one girl was asked about her faith and she said she believed in Jesus and then the kid shot her. I was afraid I would back down at a crucial moment like that. Lately though as I pray through Jesus’ last hours I see Him go into the garden to pray. I can almost see Him sweating drops of blood as it says in the Bible. I feel His anxiety at facing the final hours. Then I hear Him pray “Father take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but yours.” Jesus prayed that prayer three times. The third time God sent angels to comfort Him. At this point I begin to “get it.” God does know our struggles. He understands our fears. I also realize that if Jesus struggled and prayed then I need to even more so.
I have also begun to learn that God won’t allow us to go through things if we can’t handle it. That brings me comfort as well. At this point I begin to realize that if God is allowing this struggle then He knows I am capable of handling the struggle with His help. This makes me want to be in prayer even more so. If I am staying connected to God then I will be able to face whatever comes my way.
As I think on this I realize that is where I have been these past many years. I have faced some hard struggles in my life. I have faced rejection. I have faced my family not wanting me. There is a young man going through a divorce in the family. His wife is being friendly with the family and he does not feel supported. The wife is supported but his own family is not supporting him. I felt that way as well after my divorce. My ex became everyone’s good friend. I often felt alone and it hurt. God though has been there beside me through the trails of divorce. He has comforted me, dusted me off and sent me back into the world.
God has sent me precious friends who have held me as I have hurt. He gave me Junior who consistently shows me a tender love. God has sent me to the porch and brought nature to me when I hurt. I don’t know why but that was a wonderful hug in its own way. God put Junior and I into a Sunday school class for re-marrieds and we found some very precious friends. We have attended marriage seminars and have grown so much. He gave us a seminar on anger management and in it I learned that children of abuse often blame the mother for not getting them out of all that mess.
Oh yes, there are the pets. Alex has been with me since just before I was divorced. He claims me as his own and he loves me when I am down. These puppies….I can’t tell you how wonderful their little warm bodies feel. Of course their puppy messes are a bit trying but their warm love tends to make up for their bad behavior.
Junior is starting to work inside more with the heat of summer. He has all the walls in the bedroom paneled and it looks awesome. I can walk around the outside and see some of the finished product and it looks real nice. He is putting up a new door for the utility room. We have a new door for the front door and soon that will go in. Oh….I watch DIY a lot these days, always looking for new ideas as we fix on the house. Anyway they showed a wall for a kitchen where they used blackboard paint for a wall. Junior has painted a board with the blackboard paint and it is fun. So we continue to move forward on making this house our dream home.
I am cleaning up more and more. I like that too. As I enter into Bible Study, volunteering I am gone three days a week now. As I run, I pick up before and after like I did when I worked. The house is more and more like I’ve been with housework and that feels real good. I’ve kind of quit doing dishes though. My hands broke out some and I want a dish washer and Junior doesn’t want to spend the money….so I let him do dishes….. I never said I was a saint…
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Thoughts at large:
Tomorrow I go back to the surgeon about my ultra sound. At first I was a little scared. As I talked with the women in Sunday school, I found that the doctors out here tend to overdo the testing. I began to relax. I went for my repeat ultra sound last week and the technician did not see anything. So I am anticipating that this is the end of this problem. I do have to say though that each year as the mammogram time comes around there is that hold my breath moment.
At one point as I was going through radiation I found myself thinking that I’d like to live. My doctor told me that we caught the cancer very early and I was not going to die from the cancer. I found myself thinking “well if I did die I’d be home with Jesus and if not then I can see the grandchildren grow up, live with Junior longer.” To me that was a freeing moment. I felt at peace with whatever happened. I am grateful to have lived.
For quite a few years now I have been afraid that I would be put to the test about my faith and I would fail. I think of Columbine at times like this. The one girl was asked about her faith and she said she believed in Jesus and then the kid shot her. I was afraid I would back down at a crucial moment like that. Lately though as I pray through Jesus’ last hours I see Him go into the garden to pray. I can almost see Him sweating drops of blood as it says in the Bible. I feel His anxiety at facing the final hours. Then I hear Him pray “Father take this cup of suffering from me, not my will but yours.” Jesus prayed that prayer three times. The third time God sent angels to comfort Him. At this point I begin to “get it.” God does know our struggles. He understands our fears. I also realize that if Jesus struggled and prayed then I need to even more so.
I have also begun to learn that God won’t allow us to go through things if we can’t handle it. That brings me comfort as well. At this point I begin to realize that if God is allowing this struggle then He knows I am capable of handling the struggle with His help. This makes me want to be in prayer even more so. If I am staying connected to God then I will be able to face whatever comes my way.
As I think on this I realize that is where I have been these past many years. I have faced some hard struggles in my life. I have faced rejection. I have faced my family not wanting me. There is a young man going through a divorce in the family. His wife is being friendly with the family and he does not feel supported. The wife is supported but his own family is not supporting him. I felt that way as well after my divorce. My ex became everyone’s good friend. I often felt alone and it hurt. God though has been there beside me through the trails of divorce. He has comforted me, dusted me off and sent me back into the world.
God has sent me precious friends who have held me as I have hurt. He gave me Junior who consistently shows me a tender love. God has sent me to the porch and brought nature to me when I hurt. I don’t know why but that was a wonderful hug in its own way. God put Junior and I into a Sunday school class for re-marrieds and we found some very precious friends. We have attended marriage seminars and have grown so much. He gave us a seminar on anger management and in it I learned that children of abuse often blame the mother for not getting them out of all that mess.
Oh yes, there are the pets. Alex has been with me since just before I was divorced. He claims me as his own and he loves me when I am down. These puppies….I can’t tell you how wonderful their little warm bodies feel. Of course their puppy messes are a bit trying but their warm love tends to make up for their bad behavior.
Junior is starting to work inside more with the heat of summer. He has all the walls in the bedroom paneled and it looks awesome. I can walk around the outside and see some of the finished product and it looks real nice. He is putting up a new door for the utility room. We have a new door for the front door and soon that will go in. Oh….I watch DIY a lot these days, always looking for new ideas as we fix on the house. Anyway they showed a wall for a kitchen where they used blackboard paint for a wall. Junior has painted a board with the blackboard paint and it is fun. So we continue to move forward on making this house our dream home.
I am cleaning up more and more. I like that too. As I enter into Bible Study, volunteering I am gone three days a week now. As I run, I pick up before and after like I did when I worked. The house is more and more like I’ve been with housework and that feels real good. I’ve kind of quit doing dishes though. My hands broke out some and I want a dish washer and Junior doesn’t want to spend the money….so I let him do dishes….. I never said I was a saint…
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, August 19, 2011
August 20, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
One of the most valuable things I have learned is to read my Bible pretty much daily. I find such wisdom and insight as I read through the Bible each year. As I read and begin to absorb God’s Word into my being I find that God will lay Scripture on my heart and many times that Scripture is what I use to make sense out of life, discern a direction I should take etc.
Through the years I have also learned that if Bible reading is not where you are at, reading the Proverbs through each month is a very good way to learn who God is, how to live my life. For me though I love to read the stories of King David. He is a man who loved God with all his being and he still made huge blunders in life. From King David I learn that God still loves me and wants me to repent and then to start my life over. I love Queen Ester too. She showed such courage and strength as she helped save the Jewish people from total destruction. There is Naomi as well. She loved her mother-in-law. She loved her mother-in-law’s God and came to follow Him. She gives me courage and insight as to what a faithful walk with the Lord looks like. For me at this point I want to read the Bible through each year. I am even looking for a Bible on CD and want to read and listen at the same time. I am told this method will allow me to read through the Bible a lot quicker and then I could read it twice a year. I like that thought a lot.
There are 31 proverbs, you can read through one each day. There is a ton of wisdom and insight in the Proverbs. I can see what is important to God and how to live my life. These Proverbs are short and in them are packed a whole lot of wisdom. For a while I read through my daily reading and read a Proverb each day. Through the years I have come to terms with my learning style. I have also learned that I am hyper and that I need to have my learning broken up in small snippets. This is what I need so I can grow and learn.
For me…I tend to read a Bible that has the daily readings broken into digestible pieces. I need to read a variety of things so I can begin to wrap my brain around the different thoughts that I find. I am also reading a Chronological Bible – in the order of the events and not in order of where the books are placed. This helps me stay focused and I read the laws once not twice like it is in the regular Bible. For me the King James Version is hard to translate into today’s thoughts so I read the NIV or the ESV version. It is what works for me. We each need to tailor our study to the way we learn.
Again for a while just reading the Proverbs each day really helped me. I also like to read the Psalms. The two are very instructive and can take you a long way in your faith journey. King David was very good at writing his feelings in the Psalms. He wrote about the struggles he faced in life and how he was able to trust God would see him through those struggles. So again if reading is a struggle I would suggest reading the Proverbs and the Psalms….they are wonderful insights to God and His wonderful love He has for each of us. King David also told God many times how scared he was, how angry he was. King David was a man after God’s own heart. King David also did some not good stuff, he got a woman pregnant who was not his wife, had her husband killed and King David admitted his wrongs when he was confronted and he continued to walk close to God. King David has taught me the importance of admitting my sin and then asking for forgiveness. I learn that God does truly forgive us. We may have to pay a price for the sin, but God is just and will forgive us.
It is important to make a commitment to God, to read His Word, to pray regularly and in that you will find yourself drawing closer to God. Going to church is good. Reading your Bible is important too. At our church in MI the minister’s often taught us to check what they were teaching against what the Bible teaches. If it did not line up then they wanted you to talk with them. The minister’s wanted to be teaching what God was teaching, not what man thinks God is teaching. They knew if you were in His Word then all would be walking forward and not falling backward. Even our Minister in VA seems to have this attitude. To me, that says a lot!
It is also very important to be with other believers. It is not to be a social club but a place to come together and share your journey. The church in MI and now in VA has stepped beside Junior and me in awesome ways. We grow in our faith and we share our faith journey. Sometimes we get insights on how to handle the path we are on whether the help is for our marriage or how to minister to those we feel led to. It is important to have a family of believers to trust in. Church is not a social place for the sake of socializing only. Being with other believers does help us reach out to those God puts in our path.
If you have not picked up a Bible and read it, I would like to encourage you to do so. It is so helpful in living life. It is helpful in raising your children, grandchildren. I remember thinking when my kids were little, “Lord when they grow up, I will begin to know you.” I sure wish I understood how important it was to take my children to God. I do now! God guides me when I have no clue as to what to say or do with them. I pray for them to have jobs, raise their children well and for their safety. Also as I read the Bible I begin to learn how to pray for what God feels is important. It is not about me at all. I do need God’s guidance to live life.
As I end this, I’d like to invite you to pick up your Bible and start reading it. I remember the first time I made it all the way through the Bible I was amazed. I thought I had to have years of training. Nope! I just ask God to open my heart to Him each time I read and God is faithful. I have learned a ton over the years. Just because I made it through one year….I find that I need to read it year after year. I plan on reading until I can’t read or I die whichever comes first. I also am looking for a Bible on CD to read along with….so if my eyes give out…I will be able to “read” the Bible anyway.
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
One of the most valuable things I have learned is to read my Bible pretty much daily. I find such wisdom and insight as I read through the Bible each year. As I read and begin to absorb God’s Word into my being I find that God will lay Scripture on my heart and many times that Scripture is what I use to make sense out of life, discern a direction I should take etc.
Through the years I have also learned that if Bible reading is not where you are at, reading the Proverbs through each month is a very good way to learn who God is, how to live my life. For me though I love to read the stories of King David. He is a man who loved God with all his being and he still made huge blunders in life. From King David I learn that God still loves me and wants me to repent and then to start my life over. I love Queen Ester too. She showed such courage and strength as she helped save the Jewish people from total destruction. There is Naomi as well. She loved her mother-in-law. She loved her mother-in-law’s God and came to follow Him. She gives me courage and insight as to what a faithful walk with the Lord looks like. For me at this point I want to read the Bible through each year. I am even looking for a Bible on CD and want to read and listen at the same time. I am told this method will allow me to read through the Bible a lot quicker and then I could read it twice a year. I like that thought a lot.
There are 31 proverbs, you can read through one each day. There is a ton of wisdom and insight in the Proverbs. I can see what is important to God and how to live my life. These Proverbs are short and in them are packed a whole lot of wisdom. For a while I read through my daily reading and read a Proverb each day. Through the years I have come to terms with my learning style. I have also learned that I am hyper and that I need to have my learning broken up in small snippets. This is what I need so I can grow and learn.
For me…I tend to read a Bible that has the daily readings broken into digestible pieces. I need to read a variety of things so I can begin to wrap my brain around the different thoughts that I find. I am also reading a Chronological Bible – in the order of the events and not in order of where the books are placed. This helps me stay focused and I read the laws once not twice like it is in the regular Bible. For me the King James Version is hard to translate into today’s thoughts so I read the NIV or the ESV version. It is what works for me. We each need to tailor our study to the way we learn.
Again for a while just reading the Proverbs each day really helped me. I also like to read the Psalms. The two are very instructive and can take you a long way in your faith journey. King David was very good at writing his feelings in the Psalms. He wrote about the struggles he faced in life and how he was able to trust God would see him through those struggles. So again if reading is a struggle I would suggest reading the Proverbs and the Psalms….they are wonderful insights to God and His wonderful love He has for each of us. King David also told God many times how scared he was, how angry he was. King David was a man after God’s own heart. King David also did some not good stuff, he got a woman pregnant who was not his wife, had her husband killed and King David admitted his wrongs when he was confronted and he continued to walk close to God. King David has taught me the importance of admitting my sin and then asking for forgiveness. I learn that God does truly forgive us. We may have to pay a price for the sin, but God is just and will forgive us.
It is important to make a commitment to God, to read His Word, to pray regularly and in that you will find yourself drawing closer to God. Going to church is good. Reading your Bible is important too. At our church in MI the minister’s often taught us to check what they were teaching against what the Bible teaches. If it did not line up then they wanted you to talk with them. The minister’s wanted to be teaching what God was teaching, not what man thinks God is teaching. They knew if you were in His Word then all would be walking forward and not falling backward. Even our Minister in VA seems to have this attitude. To me, that says a lot!
It is also very important to be with other believers. It is not to be a social club but a place to come together and share your journey. The church in MI and now in VA has stepped beside Junior and me in awesome ways. We grow in our faith and we share our faith journey. Sometimes we get insights on how to handle the path we are on whether the help is for our marriage or how to minister to those we feel led to. It is important to have a family of believers to trust in. Church is not a social place for the sake of socializing only. Being with other believers does help us reach out to those God puts in our path.
If you have not picked up a Bible and read it, I would like to encourage you to do so. It is so helpful in living life. It is helpful in raising your children, grandchildren. I remember thinking when my kids were little, “Lord when they grow up, I will begin to know you.” I sure wish I understood how important it was to take my children to God. I do now! God guides me when I have no clue as to what to say or do with them. I pray for them to have jobs, raise their children well and for their safety. Also as I read the Bible I begin to learn how to pray for what God feels is important. It is not about me at all. I do need God’s guidance to live life.
As I end this, I’d like to invite you to pick up your Bible and start reading it. I remember the first time I made it all the way through the Bible I was amazed. I thought I had to have years of training. Nope! I just ask God to open my heart to Him each time I read and God is faithful. I have learned a ton over the years. Just because I made it through one year….I find that I need to read it year after year. I plan on reading until I can’t read or I die whichever comes first. I also am looking for a Bible on CD to read along with….so if my eyes give out…I will be able to “read” the Bible anyway.
May God Bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Friday, August 12, 2011
August 13, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
Throughout my life I have found that certain phrases play out in my mind. They help me live life and also help me to focus. I believe we all will have these times of clarity. Lately I tend to use the Bible as my reference. I find myself reflecting on Scripture passages as I go along in life. I believe God will plant them in my mind and as I reflect He helps me to see the lesson I need to learn.
I have once more started thinking on the wedding vows many of us have said, “In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.” For me these vows have helped me do life when I’d rather not do life. I stay committed to Junior when he is annoying me, doing something very strange etc. It also helps the prayer God gave me one time “Open my eyes and heart to Junior.”
“In sickness and in health, in good times and bad,” that phrase says a whole lot to me. I reflect again that I made a commitment to love this man even when he is annoying or being strange to me. In the past 13 years…Junior has had his moments for sure. I have had my moments as well. We have tried each other’s patience to the max at times. When you live with someone it is bound to happen.
Back in the day….for century’s marriages have happened. There was seriousness to being married. Marriage wasn’t entered into lightly. Societies function much better when there is a commitment to marriage. Children thrive better when there is a commitment to marriage. To me this is how God set us up. If I look to the beginning, when Adam and Eve were created, they were created as man and woman together. I see this as man and woman working side by side, raising the children etc. Some people may never marry, Jesus never married, Paul in the Bible never married. Overall though I see that man and woman were to work side by side and raise children and work.
Adam and Eve’s fall by eating the fruit has distorted what was perfect in the beginning. Still I see the overlying framework is still at work today. Man and woman marry, work side by side and rear children. I know since being married to Junior that he and I are a team. It is a wonderful feeling to be part of a team. I also love Junior’s commitment to me. I love being committed to Junior as well. I love having someone close to share day to day life with. It is one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced.
Junior is a hard worker. I so appreciate his hard work. He works hard at renovating our home. He may not be a genius at what he does. He sometimes will take apart something 5 times before he gets it right. He is slow and I can’t see his logic as he does his renovating. As I state often, he thinks outside the box which means he isn’t organized in my way of thinking. When he comes in for an afternoon nap or he finishes his day….I sense he has put in a good days work. I can’t always see the progress; still he has worked hard at making our home nice. Slowly though I begin to see finished products of his labor. They are awesome. He is making a shelf ledge alongside the screened porch area. It is now painted and for now he uses it to work on putting in windows and such. In the future this shelf will be a ledge for planters and if need be a way for him to reach the screens on the porch from the outside. He has found logs that have been cut down on our property and they look real nice. He has painted the ledge and it is a pretty shade of yellow. Our porch has been made over since we first moved in. It looks real nice as well. So Junior moves along in his Junior way. His Junior way though is at times a challenge to me.
Through the years though I know that I know when he is finished, I will be amazed. I will enjoy the fruits of his labor. In our house in Redford he put a plug in the hallway. That plug was a little no nothing thing he did but it was awesome. It allowed me to plug the vacuum in one plug and I was able to sweep the entire house with that one plug. It was little but huge. So I learn to wait, sometimes anxiously but to wait.
As I retired I went into a depression. I struggled with health issues and the rejection of another family member being angry with me. The combination of struggles sent me down deep and coming back to health, physically and mentally has been a very long process. Junior has been beside me the whole way. He literally moved us from MI. I did very little because I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat. As I come out of the fog of depression, I see that he has stood beside me when life with me wasn’t a lot of fun. I repeated my struggles over and over and over again. He got tired hearing about the hurt I was experiencing. He felt my pain but…how much can I say the same thing over and still have compassion….
When Junior retired earlier than he wanted to, I must admit he was a challenge to me. I discovered that this man I had been married to for six years was a hoarder and a pack rat. Things began to live with us and our home became smaller as these things found a home with us. It was at this point I went to serious prayer to God. I prayed, “Lord open my eyes to Junior’s heart.” I don’t know why I chose that phrase but it came to me and I prayed it. I believe God laid that phrase on my heart to be honest. In that prayer I began to see Junior’s wonderful loving heart. I began to realize that I am not fond of things living with us all over the house but if it is with Junior well I can learn to accept it. I fell in love with Junior’s loving and caring heart.
In our family…Junior is the spend thrift. Money is a huge struggle for me. I am terrified of being on the streets and money means to me you pay your bills on time, even early. Credit card debt…I hate it. I am terrified of it. Guess who has us in credit card debt? As I have prayed my way through this situation….I have heard God teach me. He has pointed out that Junior has never had his power turned off never lived on the street and has even paid off a house. As I allowed Junior to take over paying the bills, he has had to come to terms with his spend thrift ways. Junior is getting us out of debt and I believe he is learning a valuable lesson. I could have continued to try to pay the bills, been a nervous wreck or I am glad that I listened to God and allowed Junior to come to terms with his spending habits.
So I think again, “In sickness and in health, in good times and bad,” and I realize that being married is a ton of fun at times and at times it is a lot of work. When Junior wakes up with a nightmare, he reaches over and hugs on me. He falls back asleep content with his arms around me. When I have to learn to go into unfamiliar territory….Junior is there being my cheerleader. As I write my blog, my book/s he is there encouraging me. I love this man God has placed in my life. I love him a ton. I want to be beside him till the day one of us dies….hopefully many years from now.
As I end this my question is….How do you treat the marriage you have entered into? Do you allow your spouse the space to be who God is creating them to be? Do you accept them warts and all?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Throughout my life I have found that certain phrases play out in my mind. They help me live life and also help me to focus. I believe we all will have these times of clarity. Lately I tend to use the Bible as my reference. I find myself reflecting on Scripture passages as I go along in life. I believe God will plant them in my mind and as I reflect He helps me to see the lesson I need to learn.
I have once more started thinking on the wedding vows many of us have said, “In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.” For me these vows have helped me do life when I’d rather not do life. I stay committed to Junior when he is annoying me, doing something very strange etc. It also helps the prayer God gave me one time “Open my eyes and heart to Junior.”
“In sickness and in health, in good times and bad,” that phrase says a whole lot to me. I reflect again that I made a commitment to love this man even when he is annoying or being strange to me. In the past 13 years…Junior has had his moments for sure. I have had my moments as well. We have tried each other’s patience to the max at times. When you live with someone it is bound to happen.
Back in the day….for century’s marriages have happened. There was seriousness to being married. Marriage wasn’t entered into lightly. Societies function much better when there is a commitment to marriage. Children thrive better when there is a commitment to marriage. To me this is how God set us up. If I look to the beginning, when Adam and Eve were created, they were created as man and woman together. I see this as man and woman working side by side, raising the children etc. Some people may never marry, Jesus never married, Paul in the Bible never married. Overall though I see that man and woman were to work side by side and raise children and work.
Adam and Eve’s fall by eating the fruit has distorted what was perfect in the beginning. Still I see the overlying framework is still at work today. Man and woman marry, work side by side and rear children. I know since being married to Junior that he and I are a team. It is a wonderful feeling to be part of a team. I also love Junior’s commitment to me. I love being committed to Junior as well. I love having someone close to share day to day life with. It is one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced.
Junior is a hard worker. I so appreciate his hard work. He works hard at renovating our home. He may not be a genius at what he does. He sometimes will take apart something 5 times before he gets it right. He is slow and I can’t see his logic as he does his renovating. As I state often, he thinks outside the box which means he isn’t organized in my way of thinking. When he comes in for an afternoon nap or he finishes his day….I sense he has put in a good days work. I can’t always see the progress; still he has worked hard at making our home nice. Slowly though I begin to see finished products of his labor. They are awesome. He is making a shelf ledge alongside the screened porch area. It is now painted and for now he uses it to work on putting in windows and such. In the future this shelf will be a ledge for planters and if need be a way for him to reach the screens on the porch from the outside. He has found logs that have been cut down on our property and they look real nice. He has painted the ledge and it is a pretty shade of yellow. Our porch has been made over since we first moved in. It looks real nice as well. So Junior moves along in his Junior way. His Junior way though is at times a challenge to me.
Through the years though I know that I know when he is finished, I will be amazed. I will enjoy the fruits of his labor. In our house in Redford he put a plug in the hallway. That plug was a little no nothing thing he did but it was awesome. It allowed me to plug the vacuum in one plug and I was able to sweep the entire house with that one plug. It was little but huge. So I learn to wait, sometimes anxiously but to wait.
As I retired I went into a depression. I struggled with health issues and the rejection of another family member being angry with me. The combination of struggles sent me down deep and coming back to health, physically and mentally has been a very long process. Junior has been beside me the whole way. He literally moved us from MI. I did very little because I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat. As I come out of the fog of depression, I see that he has stood beside me when life with me wasn’t a lot of fun. I repeated my struggles over and over and over again. He got tired hearing about the hurt I was experiencing. He felt my pain but…how much can I say the same thing over and still have compassion….
When Junior retired earlier than he wanted to, I must admit he was a challenge to me. I discovered that this man I had been married to for six years was a hoarder and a pack rat. Things began to live with us and our home became smaller as these things found a home with us. It was at this point I went to serious prayer to God. I prayed, “Lord open my eyes to Junior’s heart.” I don’t know why I chose that phrase but it came to me and I prayed it. I believe God laid that phrase on my heart to be honest. In that prayer I began to see Junior’s wonderful loving heart. I began to realize that I am not fond of things living with us all over the house but if it is with Junior well I can learn to accept it. I fell in love with Junior’s loving and caring heart.
In our family…Junior is the spend thrift. Money is a huge struggle for me. I am terrified of being on the streets and money means to me you pay your bills on time, even early. Credit card debt…I hate it. I am terrified of it. Guess who has us in credit card debt? As I have prayed my way through this situation….I have heard God teach me. He has pointed out that Junior has never had his power turned off never lived on the street and has even paid off a house. As I allowed Junior to take over paying the bills, he has had to come to terms with his spend thrift ways. Junior is getting us out of debt and I believe he is learning a valuable lesson. I could have continued to try to pay the bills, been a nervous wreck or I am glad that I listened to God and allowed Junior to come to terms with his spending habits.
So I think again, “In sickness and in health, in good times and bad,” and I realize that being married is a ton of fun at times and at times it is a lot of work. When Junior wakes up with a nightmare, he reaches over and hugs on me. He falls back asleep content with his arms around me. When I have to learn to go into unfamiliar territory….Junior is there being my cheerleader. As I write my blog, my book/s he is there encouraging me. I love this man God has placed in my life. I love him a ton. I want to be beside him till the day one of us dies….hopefully many years from now.
As I end this my question is….How do you treat the marriage you have entered into? Do you allow your spouse the space to be who God is creating them to be? Do you accept them warts and all?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Saturday, August 6, 2011
August 6, 2011
Greetings My Friend,
Lately I seem to be thinking about the truth's I find in the Bible and how they apply to life today. At this point I am thinking of God bringing Israel out of Egypt out of the bonds of slavery. The Israelites went to Egypt when there was a drought in the land and food became very scarce. They stayed in Egypt 400 years. After Pharaoh died and the people forgot the Israelites became slaves to the Egyptians. Moses with God's guidance brought the people out of Egypt.
The people came out with the clothes on their backs, the jewelry the Egyptians gave them because of all the plagues they wanted the Israelite’s to leave. They wandered around in the desert when the Egyptians thought about letting the Israelite’s go they went after the Israelites.
Right off the people had to trust God. They were backed into the Red Sea without a way out. God opened up the sea and the Isralite's crossed on dry ground. They were afraid but God provided a way out.
As the Isralite's traveled around the desert for 40 years it was God who provided for them. They learned to trust God. That is what I've been thinking about lately. They had to learn to trust God and that life wasn't handed to them on a silver platter. They had to work for their freedom. God provided manna for them to eat. The Isralite's had to go out each morning and take only what their family could eat that day. They had to pick up the manna. They had to trust for the next day's provision.
They had to trust God to lead them out of Egypt. They had to trust God to lead them to the promised land and then they had to go and do. They trusted God for the food and then they had to go get the food. Even when they got to the promised land the Isralite's had to fight the inhabitants of the land. If they trusted in God and did as God told them, they would win the battle's. If they tried to do it on their own...they failed.
So many time's I hear a wealth and prosperity Gospel. If I think on this it doesn't make sense. God doesn't give to us just to give us a lot of presents. The gifts He gives are usually things that will help us live our lives. It is more spiritual and more about changing our attitudes than about possesions.
Abraham was rich, Issac and Jacob too. I don't think God minds us having possesions but He does mind if that is all we strive for. As Samuel was finding the right son of Jesse's to annoint as King God said that He doesn't look at outward appearances but at the heart. That to me is a huge statement. That is the one thing I work hard at is having the right heart.
As I was coming into my faith journey that became important to me, having the right heart. As I have said many times I would be one way at home and another in public. I'd tell people what they wanted to hear even if I didn't agree. I wanted to be agreeable for the sake of being agreeable. The more I gave God my heart, the more important it became for me to be straight with myself and with God.
Mom....was a smoker. She had a bout of bronchitis and at some point was told that she had emphysema. She told everyone that she gave up smoking. The problem was she kept on smoking only she became a smoker in secret. For me, I knew she was smoking. As a non-smoker, she smelled of smoke real bad. It was awful. I remember going to her house and as I got to the front door, I could smell smoke.
That game playing drove me nuts. Many in the family found it amusing...me, I hated playing her game. She was hurting herself more than anything. I remember one time when she was admitted into the hospital. The nurses were asking about her inhaler's. She said she had asthma. She refused to tell them that the inhalers were for her emhpysema. She was very put out with me when I told the nurse that she had emphysema. I felt that the doctor's could not help her if she wasn't up front about her disease.
I find that with God I need to be upfront and honest. If I am not...I may miss some lesson I need to learn. I may miss a blessing as well. I find that God knows every thought, everything I do so hiding from God is really useless. When I am upfont with God though I find myself growning and learning and loving and moving along in life in awesome ways.
Some of my "close the door" friends seem to shut out the past in some way. For me it seems sometimes God has me review scenes from the past. These scenes often help me grow in my faith and help me not to enter into unhealthy relationships again. As I struggled through depression recently I found myself reviewing those days of abuse. It hurt to review them. It hurt a lot. At some point God seemed to point out some valuable lessons though. He taught me that no matter how hard I try to get along, to please, some people won't like what I do. He taught me to keep seeking Him first.
I remember saying "I'm sorry" a whole lot at one point in my life. The "I'm sorry's" didn't work though. Sometimes I said them just to move out of the painfullness of the moment. They weren't honest "I'm sorry's". I was trying to get along, to get out of the hurt of the moment. I feel God was telling me that sometimes no matter what you do people still will have attitudes. Again I felt God was teaching me something important.
The lesson of the wilderness seems to continue to play out in my thoughts. I need to trust that God will be there. When all life looks hopeless I need to realize God will arrive exactly on time. I don't think God minds when I cry to Him. I think He wants me to actually. As I spent an afternoon praying recently because of the painfullness I felt, I felt God holding me and talking to me. As I felt Him talking to me, I felt myself moving out of despair and into hope.
As I have stated one of the wilderness moments I've been struggling through is my children not wanting to be in my life. As I left my former marriage I felt God come beside me and help me live through the days of divorce. As I learned to ask God to be God in my life I found myself moving along. I did have great pain and I felt God hold me, dust me off and send me back into life again. This is how I've gone 12 years without much interaction with my daughter and it is how I face the anger of abuse.
As I end I'd like to ask if you have invited Jesus to be Lord in your life? I ask this often. Do you know how? First it is important to confess your sins. Then it is important to ask Jesus to be the Savior in your heart. For me the sinner's prayer that I prayed as a radio preacher prayed it was helpful. Then I told Junior I had accepted Jesus as my Savior. It is important to confess, to ask Jesus to be Lord in your life then to tell someone. In doing this you cement your walk in the Lord.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
Greetings My Friend,
Lately I seem to be thinking about the truth's I find in the Bible and how they apply to life today. At this point I am thinking of God bringing Israel out of Egypt out of the bonds of slavery. The Israelites went to Egypt when there was a drought in the land and food became very scarce. They stayed in Egypt 400 years. After Pharaoh died and the people forgot the Israelites became slaves to the Egyptians. Moses with God's guidance brought the people out of Egypt.
The people came out with the clothes on their backs, the jewelry the Egyptians gave them because of all the plagues they wanted the Israelite’s to leave. They wandered around in the desert when the Egyptians thought about letting the Israelite’s go they went after the Israelites.
Right off the people had to trust God. They were backed into the Red Sea without a way out. God opened up the sea and the Isralite's crossed on dry ground. They were afraid but God provided a way out.
As the Isralite's traveled around the desert for 40 years it was God who provided for them. They learned to trust God. That is what I've been thinking about lately. They had to learn to trust God and that life wasn't handed to them on a silver platter. They had to work for their freedom. God provided manna for them to eat. The Isralite's had to go out each morning and take only what their family could eat that day. They had to pick up the manna. They had to trust for the next day's provision.
They had to trust God to lead them out of Egypt. They had to trust God to lead them to the promised land and then they had to go and do. They trusted God for the food and then they had to go get the food. Even when they got to the promised land the Isralite's had to fight the inhabitants of the land. If they trusted in God and did as God told them, they would win the battle's. If they tried to do it on their own...they failed.
So many time's I hear a wealth and prosperity Gospel. If I think on this it doesn't make sense. God doesn't give to us just to give us a lot of presents. The gifts He gives are usually things that will help us live our lives. It is more spiritual and more about changing our attitudes than about possesions.
Abraham was rich, Issac and Jacob too. I don't think God minds us having possesions but He does mind if that is all we strive for. As Samuel was finding the right son of Jesse's to annoint as King God said that He doesn't look at outward appearances but at the heart. That to me is a huge statement. That is the one thing I work hard at is having the right heart.
As I was coming into my faith journey that became important to me, having the right heart. As I have said many times I would be one way at home and another in public. I'd tell people what they wanted to hear even if I didn't agree. I wanted to be agreeable for the sake of being agreeable. The more I gave God my heart, the more important it became for me to be straight with myself and with God.
Mom....was a smoker. She had a bout of bronchitis and at some point was told that she had emphysema. She told everyone that she gave up smoking. The problem was she kept on smoking only she became a smoker in secret. For me, I knew she was smoking. As a non-smoker, she smelled of smoke real bad. It was awful. I remember going to her house and as I got to the front door, I could smell smoke.
That game playing drove me nuts. Many in the family found it amusing...me, I hated playing her game. She was hurting herself more than anything. I remember one time when she was admitted into the hospital. The nurses were asking about her inhaler's. She said she had asthma. She refused to tell them that the inhalers were for her emhpysema. She was very put out with me when I told the nurse that she had emphysema. I felt that the doctor's could not help her if she wasn't up front about her disease.
I find that with God I need to be upfront and honest. If I am not...I may miss some lesson I need to learn. I may miss a blessing as well. I find that God knows every thought, everything I do so hiding from God is really useless. When I am upfont with God though I find myself growning and learning and loving and moving along in life in awesome ways.
Some of my "close the door" friends seem to shut out the past in some way. For me it seems sometimes God has me review scenes from the past. These scenes often help me grow in my faith and help me not to enter into unhealthy relationships again. As I struggled through depression recently I found myself reviewing those days of abuse. It hurt to review them. It hurt a lot. At some point God seemed to point out some valuable lessons though. He taught me that no matter how hard I try to get along, to please, some people won't like what I do. He taught me to keep seeking Him first.
I remember saying "I'm sorry" a whole lot at one point in my life. The "I'm sorry's" didn't work though. Sometimes I said them just to move out of the painfullness of the moment. They weren't honest "I'm sorry's". I was trying to get along, to get out of the hurt of the moment. I feel God was telling me that sometimes no matter what you do people still will have attitudes. Again I felt God was teaching me something important.
The lesson of the wilderness seems to continue to play out in my thoughts. I need to trust that God will be there. When all life looks hopeless I need to realize God will arrive exactly on time. I don't think God minds when I cry to Him. I think He wants me to actually. As I spent an afternoon praying recently because of the painfullness I felt, I felt God holding me and talking to me. As I felt Him talking to me, I felt myself moving out of despair and into hope.
As I have stated one of the wilderness moments I've been struggling through is my children not wanting to be in my life. As I left my former marriage I felt God come beside me and help me live through the days of divorce. As I learned to ask God to be God in my life I found myself moving along. I did have great pain and I felt God hold me, dust me off and send me back into life again. This is how I've gone 12 years without much interaction with my daughter and it is how I face the anger of abuse.
As I end I'd like to ask if you have invited Jesus to be Lord in your life? I ask this often. Do you know how? First it is important to confess your sins. Then it is important to ask Jesus to be the Savior in your heart. For me the sinner's prayer that I prayed as a radio preacher prayed it was helpful. Then I told Junior I had accepted Jesus as my Savior. It is important to confess, to ask Jesus to be Lord in your life then to tell someone. In doing this you cement your walk in the Lord.
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet
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