August 13, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

Throughout my life I have found that certain phrases play out in my mind. They help me live life and also help me to focus. I believe we all will have these times of clarity. Lately I tend to use the Bible as my reference. I find myself reflecting on Scripture passages as I go along in life. I believe God will plant them in my mind and as I reflect He helps me to see the lesson I need to learn.

I have once more started thinking on the wedding vows many of us have said, “In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.” For me these vows have helped me do life when I’d rather not do life. I stay committed to Junior when he is annoying me, doing something very strange etc. It also helps the prayer God gave me one time “Open my eyes and heart to Junior.”

“In sickness and in health, in good times and bad,” that phrase says a whole lot to me. I reflect again that I made a commitment to love this man even when he is annoying or being strange to me. In the past 13 years…Junior has had his moments for sure. I have had my moments as well. We have tried each other’s patience to the max at times. When you live with someone it is bound to happen.

Back in the day….for century’s marriages have happened. There was seriousness to being married. Marriage wasn’t entered into lightly. Societies function much better when there is a commitment to marriage. Children thrive better when there is a commitment to marriage. To me this is how God set us up. If I look to the beginning, when Adam and Eve were created, they were created as man and woman together. I see this as man and woman working side by side, raising the children etc. Some people may never marry, Jesus never married, Paul in the Bible never married. Overall though I see that man and woman were to work side by side and raise children and work.

Adam and Eve’s fall by eating the fruit has distorted what was perfect in the beginning. Still I see the overlying framework is still at work today. Man and woman marry, work side by side and rear children. I know since being married to Junior that he and I are a team. It is a wonderful feeling to be part of a team. I also love Junior’s commitment to me. I love being committed to Junior as well. I love having someone close to share day to day life with. It is one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced.

Junior is a hard worker. I so appreciate his hard work. He works hard at renovating our home. He may not be a genius at what he does. He sometimes will take apart something 5 times before he gets it right. He is slow and I can’t see his logic as he does his renovating. As I state often, he thinks outside the box which means he isn’t organized in my way of thinking. When he comes in for an afternoon nap or he finishes his day….I sense he has put in a good days work. I can’t always see the progress; still he has worked hard at making our home nice. Slowly though I begin to see finished products of his labor. They are awesome. He is making a shelf ledge alongside the screened porch area. It is now painted and for now he uses it to work on putting in windows and such. In the future this shelf will be a ledge for planters and if need be a way for him to reach the screens on the porch from the outside. He has found logs that have been cut down on our property and they look real nice. He has painted the ledge and it is a pretty shade of yellow. Our porch has been made over since we first moved in. It looks real nice as well. So Junior moves along in his Junior way. His Junior way though is at times a challenge to me.

Through the years though I know that I know when he is finished, I will be amazed. I will enjoy the fruits of his labor. In our house in Redford he put a plug in the hallway. That plug was a little no nothing thing he did but it was awesome. It allowed me to plug the vacuum in one plug and I was able to sweep the entire house with that one plug. It was little but huge. So I learn to wait, sometimes anxiously but to wait.

As I retired I went into a depression. I struggled with health issues and the rejection of another family member being angry with me. The combination of struggles sent me down deep and coming back to health, physically and mentally has been a very long process. Junior has been beside me the whole way. He literally moved us from MI. I did very little because I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat. As I come out of the fog of depression, I see that he has stood beside me when life with me wasn’t a lot of fun. I repeated my struggles over and over and over again. He got tired hearing about the hurt I was experiencing. He felt my pain but…how much can I say the same thing over and still have compassion….
When Junior retired earlier than he wanted to, I must admit he was a challenge to me. I discovered that this man I had been married to for six years was a hoarder and a pack rat. Things began to live with us and our home became smaller as these things found a home with us. It was at this point I went to serious prayer to God. I prayed, “Lord open my eyes to Junior’s heart.” I don’t know why I chose that phrase but it came to me and I prayed it. I believe God laid that phrase on my heart to be honest. In that prayer I began to see Junior’s wonderful loving heart. I began to realize that I am not fond of things living with us all over the house but if it is with Junior well I can learn to accept it. I fell in love with Junior’s loving and caring heart.

In our family…Junior is the spend thrift. Money is a huge struggle for me. I am terrified of being on the streets and money means to me you pay your bills on time, even early. Credit card debt…I hate it. I am terrified of it. Guess who has us in credit card debt? As I have prayed my way through this situation….I have heard God teach me. He has pointed out that Junior has never had his power turned off never lived on the street and has even paid off a house. As I allowed Junior to take over paying the bills, he has had to come to terms with his spend thrift ways. Junior is getting us out of debt and I believe he is learning a valuable lesson. I could have continued to try to pay the bills, been a nervous wreck or I am glad that I listened to God and allowed Junior to come to terms with his spending habits.

So I think again, “In sickness and in health, in good times and bad,” and I realize that being married is a ton of fun at times and at times it is a lot of work. When Junior wakes up with a nightmare, he reaches over and hugs on me. He falls back asleep content with his arms around me. When I have to learn to go into unfamiliar territory….Junior is there being my cheerleader. As I write my blog, my book/s he is there encouraging me. I love this man God has placed in my life. I love him a ton. I want to be beside him till the day one of us dies….hopefully many years from now.

As I end this my question is….How do you treat the marriage you have entered into? Do you allow your spouse the space to be who God is creating them to be? Do you accept them warts and all?

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet