February 5, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

“Shut the door” plays through my brain right now and I ponder the Bible’s teachings. I am definitely not a “shut the door” person. I need to look at the layers in life before I can shut the door. That said I have shut the door to things in life. There seems to be a moment where I can’t go on the way I once did. Divorce comes to mind. The life I lived with my first husband is now done. I’ve pondered, thought about what went wrong, my piece to it etc. We learned in our re-married classes that we needed to look and to see what we did to contribute to the problems in our previous marriage and then we learned to not repeat ourselves in this marriage. It has been a very helpful tool overall.

I’ve shut the door to that life at this point. I do from time to time talk about things that had gone on. Most of my divorced friends will from time to time re-visit the previous marriage’s struggles. For the most part though, that is done and settled within our hearts and minds. Junior’s neighbor had gotten divorced seven years prior to my marrying him. She talked to me several times over the fence and at first I thought she was newly divorced. I quickly realized that I did not want to be in that much pain or to constantly be held captive to my feelings years from my previous marriage and into the new marriage. I am happy though that I grieved that first marriage then tried to learn the lessons I needed to learn. There seems to be a point where you need to let go and move on.

At one point in Jesus’ life He sent the disciples out on their own to bring the Good News to others. He told them that if they were not received then they needed to brush the dust off of their feet and go on. That sounds like a shut the door moment to me. I am learning that either “shut the door or look back” moments both are in the Bible.

In recent years I’ve shut some doors. These have been very painful moments for me. I’d rather not have shut the door, the time came and…….. As I have shut the door I did dig to find out what went wrong. I tried to find if there was a way to rectify things and when I could not, I felt it was best to walk away. Sometimes I feel you can love people by letting them go. One of my favorite saying goes something like “let it go, if it is meant to be it will come back.” I often think of butterflies at this point.

I am finding comfort that both styles are in the Bible. I am finding that in life, I’ve used both methods to deal with life’s struggles. The Jewish people are taught to look back to see where they once were and where they are now. I am also able to allow another person the style they need so they can cope.

I think of Agape love again. We are to seek the other person’s highest good. As I go along on this journey I am finding that to be a wonderful way to live my life. I can’t do it all the time. I try to do it as much as I can though, in doing that, I have found life to be fuller and richer because I am able to accept people where they are at.

I have control issues. In the craziness of life I tend to want to make things go my way at times. As I have journeyed along in my faith journey though, I’m finding that the need to control is less and less important to me. I think Junior has helped me feel safe. He accepts my hyper ways, my constant digging into the layers of life personality. He isn’t always going ballistic when I want to explore so as I’ve been allowed to dig, I’ve been able to let go more and more.

Funny story, when we were first married I tended to wake up before him a lot. As I woke up, I calculated the hours he had slept and if it was 7-8 hours, I’d wake him up with, “can I talk?” Junior was the first person I felt safe with exploring all the thoughts in my brain. He did not mind listening to me and it was a new sensation. As the years have gone on, I find I don’t need to wake him up just to talk. When I need to explore things, I tell him and he lets me explore. He will give me his thoughts and that helps me to move on. He does not slam the door shut and won’t let me bring things up, that helps me so much. He lets me be me. That is why I love this man so much. He lets me be me, warts and all.

To me, I think both ways are great ways to handle life. Some people need to dig, to peer and then in that they can move on. There are some who need to move on right away, don’t look back. I do wonder though if someone opens a door that you want shut and you struggle then has the problem really been resolved? Junior is so good at shutting doors. He does not get all bent out of shape when a door is opened. He will tell me, “I don’t want to go there.” I then know to move on and quit talking about that subject. He does not put me down either because I’m a look back and peer type of girl. He seems to understand that unless I do that I can’t move forward.

Again I think on Paul’s teaching. We are all members in Christ. One is a hand, another is a foot and still another is a nose. If I think about the different places each of these parts are on the body, they are in very different locations. If each had an eye, each would see the world from a totally different perspective.

Are you able to accept someone who is totally different from you? Are you able to love people where they are at? Hard to do at times, still when I can…..wow the people I’ve been able to love has been a blessing.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet