January 29, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

Love is on my heart today. Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I guess I am thinking about love. I have loved 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

As I live alongside of Junior, I find that I begin to want to not have my own way just for the sake of winning, being number one etc. I find that I want his best and what is best for the relationship more than me having my own way all the time. As much as I’ve been told “it’s not all about you” I find that I truly don’t enjoy when life is all about me. When we are blending and moving along in harmony there is a true peace that resides within me.

I pray for our marriage a whole lot. We both know marriage turned sour is a real sad moment, so we strive to live as God teaches us to live in harmony. For me, I pray for our marriage pretty much each day.

My prayer goes something like this: “Father thank you for this marriage. Teach me to be teachable and teach me to be the wife Junior needs. I don’t want to be a cookie cutter mold of a wife, but the one Junior needs. Teach me to be the wife, friend, and lover and companion my husband needs. Open my eyes and heart to him. Help me to see the good parts and not focus on his annoying traits. Teach me to honor and respect him. Lord, I am clueless as to what respect looks like, so help me to do this. When I disrespect him I hurt, so help me to respect him. Teach me to be sensitive to him. Big strong muscles, soft tender heart and teach me to seek his highest good. I pray you will protect us, hold us close. Teach us to be faithful and fruitful, first to you and then to each other. Lead us, guide us and direct us for your kingdom and glory.”

God has been so faithful to my request. We are each other’s best friend and that is so wonderful. I don’t worry about Junior making me do things I truly don’t want to do. If something scares me, he backs off. Sometimes he will push me and if I put up enough of a fuss, he won’t make me do it. These days though, if he insists I do something that is uncomfortable, I will try before I say “no” because I know that he won’t make me do something I can’t or don’t feel fairly comfortable with.

As we have entered into marriage and have been married, I’ve found that my role as a wife is to watch after my man’s heart. At our wedding the Minister told the story about a woman not being created from the head to rule over her or the foot to trample her, but the rib to stand beside the man. I learned that we were created next to the heart, the bones that protect the heart and my job is to protect my man’s heart.

In some ways, I think that is why as a woman I find I want to have a comfortable home for him. When we were first married, we worked a three hour difference in our shifts. I left Junior notes so when he came home he “felt me”. I made myself write about how I admired him. He loved it. It also helped me to quit focusing on his bad habits. The more I wrote about what I liked the harder it was for me to be constantly frustrated with him.

Comfortable home brings to mind that for Junior a comfortable home is not a spotless home. He likes a home that is lived in, a little clutter etc. If I am to make a comfortable home to some extent then I need to be sensitive to what he likes. I live there as well and I need to balance my need for a spotless home with Junior’s need for a little clutter. As we move along in this marriage, I am finding that I can then focus on other things if I am able to balance out perfectly spotless with a little clutter.

In our re-marriage classes we learned that it was important to date. It is vital for the relationship. They also taught us that dates don’t have to be expensive. We quickly learned that an evening of grocery shopping was a date for us. We loved to walk the aisles together, finding what we needed and sometimes we even stole kisses in the aisles. When we worked we did not watch TV. We loved to rent a movie on the weekends and found that to be a wonderful date. We un-wound from the work week and enjoyed a movie together.

I have also found that I needed to be sensitive to what Junior likes to do. Dates could not always be only what I wanted. I needed to enter into some of his man stuff. I like a stroll through the mall and Junior likes a night at the gun range. In another life I hated Home Depot runs. In this marriage, I love it. Junior is so cute. Sometimes I happen upon him playing with tools. He is like a kid as he holds a tool and play acts with it. I would miss these types of precious moments if I never allowed myself to enter into his fun.

“Two become one” comes to mind. As I read the Bible I learn my roles as a woman. I am a helpmate and I love that. As I learn to enter into Junior’s man stuff, I find a wonderful depth in marriage I never knew could exist.

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet