January 8, 2011

Greetings My Friend,

“Two shall become one.” I’m thinking about husband and wife, men and women type thoughts. This line has always been a puzzle to me. It also intrigues me. Somewhere deep inside of me I think I have always known there is a specialness of a man and a woman joined in marriage.

Another verse I often find comforting is “a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” The three mean to me anyway, Father, husband and wife. As the couple weave themselves into God’s image, ways, they stand firmer and able to withstand the trials that life seems to offer each of us. The husband and wife are a team, I like that too. They work together for the common good.

As I went through Divorce Recovery I learned that in marriage the order should be, God, the relationship and life will settle in an orderly way after that. God always needs to be first. He then will guide the couple to love each other, their children and people after that. I have found this to be true. When I ask God to teach me to be what Junior needs, I am amazed at the lessons I learn. As I struggled through curb side shopping, lawn art and such, God kept pointing me to look at Junior’s heart. I discovered the tender heart my husband has. I also learned that I loved this man even more because of his wonderful heart.

I struggled for a life time to realize that men had feelings. I struggled to understand them period. They were an oddity to me. To me men had no feelings, were crass, crude and rude. My son brought the first inkling that males were different, not mean, crude and rude. The senior high boys were so sensitive. They struggled to ask a girl for a date, when the relationship went sour etc. Those boys were the second inkling I had that yes men were rough, tough and sometimes crude but also I saw tenderness, compassion and genuine concern as well.

I also knew on some level how much I wanted a man to protect me, to hold me tenderly, to look up to and to love me. I think God builds within each of us a desire to be loved and wanted. Women want to be cherished, men want to be respected. I love it when Junior will come to my rescue, sometimes it is a spider or sometimes it is when he firmly tells another person no on my behalf. Junior, he is so confident of my love lately that he will tell people that, “until I met him, I never had it so good, someone so wonderful.” Somewhere in there he feels my respect and awe of him as a man.

As we work on the house Junior loves when I will sit near him. I talk to him about life, about what he is doing. Sometimes I just sit quietly by him. He seems to love that I am near. I sense he loves making, doing for me. He likes fixing on the house so it is comfortable for me/us.

I never realized the gifts a man gives. Yes, I understand when I get flowers, but I am finding that I am often given gifts that aren’t in a wrapping of sorts. Junior loves to cut flowers out of the yard and brings them in to me. Often they are there when I get up in the morning. Junior enjoys opening the car door for me. He really likes to do it. He loves to bring me gifts from yard sales and such. Junior gives me gifts all the time.

If I was the sort that only wanted expensive, store bought gifts, then I would miss so many of Junior’s gifts that he gives me. When we were first married, I still was involved with the senior high teens. Sunday mornings, Junior would step behind me as I talked to the kids. He wanted me to do what I was gifted at and did not want to be center stage so to speak. Even in my writing, Junior wants me to be what God is creating me to be. He encourages me, listens to me as I read what I write. Junior wants my best and that feels ever so wonderful.

Junior recognizes my talents, my abilities and then encourages me in them. I have my strong points that I bring to this marriage. As Junior allows me to be me, I find a desire to allow Junior to be Junior. He brings a creative, tenderness to our marriage. Junior thinks outside the box. I think inside the box. We are very different people and yet we blend together in wonderful ways.

Junior likes to shoot guns, I’d rather not. I do though because he is willing to go for a walk, to go shopping etc. I find Home Depot to be much more fun these days because he is so willing to enter into things I love to do. As I move along in this marriage, I am finding that we are truly becoming one. It feels ever so wonderful to have someone who wants my best, who thinks I am the most beautiful, awesome gift in his life. The more I am loved on my terms, the more I want to meet and love Junior on his terms.

I believe that Junior sets the pace for our life and to be honest, I love it. As Eve was Adam’s helpmate, I am finding that I truly love being Junior’s helpmate. I truly love making sure we eat right, have the house in order and keep track of the details of our life. I love Junior’s big picture dreams. As we slowly get the house in order to live in, it is Junior who makes sure the wiring, the plumbing and the cosmetic changes happen. Once those are in order, I will decorate and try to make our home a comfort to him.

My question to you is, are you letting your man be the man God is creating him to be? Do you accept that he is not the same as you only different equipment?

May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.

Love
Janet