November 20, 2010

Greetings My Friend,

As Thanksgiving approaches my thoughts turn toward Thank fullness. One of the very first steps I took after my divorce was writing a Thank Full journal. Each day I listed 5 things I was thank full for. It was hard to do at first. I felt so much pain and bitterness that finding something to be thank full for was very hard work. Still, I began my journal. Some days I was thank full that I made it through another day. I even wrote that I was thank full that I was divorced, which I sort of meant and didn’t.
As I continued with this journal, I soon found peace. I found days where I could smile, laugh and I was starting to enjoy life. It was a process and it did take time but I was starting to change deep inside of me. My thoughts began to find things to be thank full more and more often. I began to appreciate the little things in life. I even found myself laughing and enjoying life as well.

I started to see God’s hand on me and on my life that felt wonderful. In the thank fullness I began to see how precious I was to God. I started to see where God had been in my life long before I realized He was there. I started to realize that I was not alone and that God truly wanted to help me be all that I could be.

When my children were very young, I left my husband. I had two small children. I had no job, no car and no way to figure out how to support us. As I went back home to my husband, I heard a radio program. The talk show host suggested to a lady that she stay with her husband for the time being. She suggested that she get her education. Find a job before she left him. That is exactly what I did. I started to get my education. Through the years I got some education, got a job and began getting to a spot to where if I needed to, I would be able to support the kids and myself. At times I thought we were going to pull through and make the marriage work. In the end, the marriage finally fell apart. The kids were pretty much grown. I did make enough to support myself though.

Years later when I was learning to be thank full, I realized that God had been with me at that point in my life. I had not realized it until way later. I was able to leave that marriage and I was able to support myself. Part of my journey to thank fullness has been to look back and see that God has always been there. Part of my faith journey now is to see where God has helped me in the past and then realize He will be with me in the present situation. It seems that our faith journey is really looking back and then realizing that God loves us. In that the current struggle becomes tolerable because we know we aren’t alone and God is always there.

As I learned the ACTSS prayer format, I found the thank fullness part to be precious. I strive to thank God each day. I strive to thank God for the smallest thing in my life, like my toothbrush and thank Him for that. Then I strive to thank God for larger things, the house, the appliances etc. When I thank God, I begin to see how He makes sure I have what I need. That has been a journey as well. God gives us what we need. The extra things are icing on the cake. He gives what I need and can handle. I may never be a millionaire. That’s ok. I have what really matters and that is very comforting to me.

I even thank God for my husband. After that I will pray for our marriage. When I hit those rough spots where I don’t “get” my husband, God has helped me to see past his imperfect ways. One of the best parts of my prayer of late as I pray for Junior is “open my eyes and my heart to Junior.” As I struggled with curbside shopping and lawn art that wasn’t pretty….God began to show me my husband’s generous nature, his tender heart, his wonderful talent.

As people in my life have chosen to leave me and I have felt crushed by the loss, God has been wonderful. He has given me the tools, the wonderful gifts of life and I am able to move on. Sometimes it is porch time, sometimes it is a house to remodel and I move out of despair into hope. Even the book I wrote was a gift from God. He gave me the words and as I wrote, my focus was changing and that pain I had was leaving me. Of late it is time with a counselor. I have somewhere to explore the feelings and then I am able to move forward.

When I can be thankful I am able to see what I do have and I don’t focus on what I don’t have. I had always thought that when the kids grew up and they had kids, I would be part of all that families go through. Life has not worked out the way I had envisioned it. As I let go of those dreams, God has given me new dreams and that feels wonderful. Again, I am thankful. I am not used up and of no good. God has given me work to do and frankly, that feels awesome. I have a sense of purpose, a reason to live and to enjoy my life.

This Thanksgiving, I’d like to ask, what are you thankful for? It is a great conversation topic at dinner, try it and let me know how it went.

Love
Janet