August 28, 2010
Greetings My Friend,

Thoughts at large:
This is a big question on my mind lately. I don’t try to be rude, intrusive, but I can’t figure it out. In my day you were considered lose if you “slept” around. If you wound up pregnant, that was even worse. Yes, the norm was changing with the advent of birth control pills. I would have disgraced my parents had I come home pregnant and slept around meant sleeping with one other guy. Today, I often hear young women talk about other girls who are considered “lose”. The ones talking to me have had several lovers by the time they were in their early 20’s. What is today’s standard of a lose woman?
As a kid we moved a lot. We lived in Michigan, Colorado, Arizona and New Mexico all before I was 5. As a newly married young woman, we found ourselves moving a lot. It seemed cool at the time although I grew weary of it rather quickly. I lived for 17 years in Lincoln Park, moved to Allen Park and lived there with my family three years until my divorce. I then moved in with Mom for 15 months. When I married Junior I lived with him in his house for 9 months, then we moved to Redford. We lived there for 11 years then moved to VA. We have been here a little over a year and we are moving AGAIN! On one hand I am excited about the future home and the “decorating” piece to it. On the other hand, I’m tired of moving. The good thing is that a lot of things have been gone through and my kids won’t have that much to deal with, at this point anyway.
Junior has told me from the beginning that his back one day may give out. I’ve dealt with a handicapped Dad. I’m not afraid of loving someone who has physical challenges. Junior may be missing a foot, but I find him to be as whole as anyone I’ve ever met. As we prepare to move, we believe this may our last home. We are planning on setting up the house for our later years. Junior may be in a wheel chair. If so we want wider doorways and a shower we can roll him into plus a couple of wheel chair ramps etc. So it occurs to me, how am I going to lift him? I will be older and weaker – not that I am strong now. Then I realize, God is in charge and He knows my limitations. So what am I worried about? I also realize that Junior more than likely will be able to walk some. He probably will be able to stand up and walk to the wheel chair. When he retired with his bad back, he was always able to walk some. He just couldn’t walk far. At the air port we got him one of those people who would wheel you to your destination. We even took a wheel chair so we could still see the sights. Again, what am I worried about?
My weight….I’ve struggled a lifetime with feeling wanted, loved and accepted if I had an ounce of fat on me. Only recently have I learned and I mean deep down inside of me learned that Junior loves me even if I have a few pounds extra on me. He still finds me beautiful even though I have 15 extra pounds on me. As I have come out of the fog I’ve been in since I’ve retired, I have energy to walk again. I take my weights with me and exercise my arms and shoulders. I also pull in my stomach as I walk along and I’m seeing my belly go down. So as I grow old and have more weight on me, Junior is going to sill love me. He does like me taking care of my body and being fit. That’s nice too.
Junior also cares about how he looks. He will dress nice when we go out in public. At home he even will take pride in his looks, although he sometimes dress’ down some. Especially if he is working in the yard, painting, wood working and stuff like that. He loves that I look nice for him and he likes to look nice for me. I so appreciate that. In another life time, the man did not care about his looks and expected me to look nice. He wanted a trophy wife, but did not care what I liked. I am grateful that Junior truly cares about what I like.
I’ve had so many hair styles since I’ve been with Junior. When I married him, I had real short hair, spiky short. Then I grew it some and all of a sudden menopause hit and I had curly hair. I loved the curly hair stage. Menopause has passed and I have straight hair again. Each stage Junior has complimented me and I sense he means it. Again, I find Junior loves “me” and does not look at me as a model. He does not know how much that means to me. When he used to wake me up before he went to work, he always told me how beautiful I was. My brain thought, “yeah, right.” My hair was all messed up, I had morning breath and he found me beautiful!
My question is what is important to you, looks or the person inside?
May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you.
Love
Janet